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Is not feeling heartbroken after a breakup normal?


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Hello, so it's been a couple of weeks since I last broke up with my boyfriend. After the breakup, I decided to block him everywhere. Because I knew that if I had him on my social medias, I would try to get back with him or he would try to convince me to take him back. I wanted to cut things clean and I knew that if I didn't block him, he would reach out and try to endlessly call me/text me and convince me that it could still work out.

Now it's been a couple of weeks since the breakup. For some reason I oddly feel weird/guilty for not feeling heartbroken or sad. I'm the type of person that is very emotional. Usually when I've lost a friend or a person in my life, I tend to cry or feel sad for a good period of time. But currently I don't feel that way. I can't cry. I don't feel angry towards him or towards the things he did to me. I don't feel regret of having an 8 month relationship with the person I was with. Sometimes I'll feel a bit lonely or nostalgic about the relationship. But other than that, I don't feel like it's the end of the world or that I wasted my time. I know things weren't perfect and that we both weren't either. But I learned alot throughout the relationship and gained many experiences I've never had before.

I did cry alot throughout the relationship. I lost respect for him everytime he hurt me. Whether if it was pressuring me to do something I wasn't comfortable with or when I caught him interacting with other women in fetish communities. I felt that when things like this would happen, I would unattach myself from him. I don't know why. Maybe it's a coping mechanism I have. 

I guess my issue is that I feel guilty for not feeling down over this breakup. I know grief has several stages, so maybe I'm in denial or in another stage I don't know about. But I would just like to ask if this is normal? Is me not feeling sad a sign that I didn't love him?

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6 minutes ago, nai808 said:

But I would just like to ask if this is normal? Is me not feeling sad a sign that I didn't love him?

It's normal, when you are ready for the relationship to be over. 

It doesn't mean you didn't care about him. It just means that you were ready to move on and genuinely no longer wanted to be with him. 

That's all. You can rest assured that your current feelings are your cue that you made the right choice. 

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1 hour ago, nai808 said:

 I feel guilty for not feeling down over this breakup. I know grief has several stages, 

When you unload a burden like this BF, you feel relief, not grief. Try not to overanalyze. Trust your instincts more.

Not everything needs to be "an issue". In fact it's a sign of better mental health to be able to cope with things without undue anxiety.

Is this the same man?:

 

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Posted (edited)

Well, usually the one who breaks up has already accepted some stuff. So they feel less attached then the other side. You not feeling that sad is the progression of that. So its a normal thing. You would still need time to not think about it, but you will get there. Also, keep "no contact". It would be easier for both to get to acceptance that way. 

Edited by Kwothe28
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8 hours ago, nai808 said:

 

I did cry alot throughout the relationship. I lost respect for him everytime he hurt me. Whether if it was pressuring me to do something I wasn't comfortable with or when I caught him interacting with other women in fetish communities. I felt that when things like this would happen, I would unattach myself from him. I don't know why. Maybe it's a coping mechanism I have. 

 

It seems you were actively detaching while you were in the relationship.  After everything you've mentioned it must feel somewhat of a relief to not be subjecting yourself to this anymore. 

You can miss the relationship or being in one, but not necessarily miss this person.  Add to that blocking him allows you to process things cleanly and not continue in the messy back and forth.   I think you are right on track.

Something similar happened to me. Dating someone who was clearly wrong for me.  We broke up the first time and I was wrecked.  We reconciled only to break up 6 months later.  I felt a little wobbly trying to get my balance.  But I snapped back quickly and never once shed a tear.   Much like you I found it a little weird.  But all in all I think I knew we were wrong for each other and end was inevitable.  And . .I never spoke to him again after that last day.

Carry on! 

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12 hours ago, nai808 said:

Hello, so it's been a couple of weeks since I last broke up with my boyfriend. After the breakup, I decided to block him everywhere. Because I knew that if I had him on my social medias, I would try to get back with him or he would try to convince me to take him back. I wanted to cut things clean and I knew that if I didn't block him, he would reach out and try to endlessly call me/text me and convince me that it could still work out.

Now it's been a couple of weeks since the breakup. For some reason I oddly feel weird/guilty for not feeling heartbroken or sad. I'm the type of person that is very emotional. Usually when I've lost a friend or a person in my life, I tend to cry or feel sad for a good period of time. But currently I don't feel that way. I can't cry. I don't feel angry towards him or towards the things he did to me. I don't feel regret of having an 8 month relationship with the person I was with. Sometimes I'll feel a bit lonely or nostalgic about the relationship. But other than that, I don't feel like it's the end of the world or that I wasted my time. I know things weren't perfect and that we both weren't either. But I learned alot throughout the relationship and gained many experiences I've never had before.

I did cry alot throughout the relationship. I lost respect for him everytime he hurt me. Whether if it was pressuring me to do something I wasn't comfortable with or when I caught him interacting with other women in fetish communities. I felt that when things like this would happen, I would unattach myself from him. I don't know why. Maybe it's a coping mechanism I have. 

I guess my issue is that I feel guilty for not feeling down over this breakup. I know grief has several stages, so maybe I'm in denial or in another stage I don't know about. But I would just like to ask if this is normal? Is me not feeling sad a sign that I didn't love him?

Not everyone holds on to bad memories or grudges for too long. You may just find that it's better or more helpful to you to focus on the free time you have now. I'm not sure why you feel guilty for not crying over someone who hurt you. I can only chalk this up to the stage you are at in accepting that it's over and you no longer have to deal with that stress anymore. 

I agree with the others about detaching while in the relationship. Or perhaps you didn't attach so well in the first place because there were a few things about him that you had reservations about. Human connections are sometimes complex and varied. 

Cherish the lessons and the good times. Move on and don't carry the weight of guilt too far. Travel light. I'm happy you're in a better place.

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I know it’s going to sound like a weird analogy but I felt guilty for feeling partial relief when I decided to stop trying to nurse my son on day 12 of his life.
I had a good reason - I had to start taking meds that might have effected my breast milk - but had I been able to nurse and not been immensely struggling- I might have continued.
 

I was “supposed “ to be completely devastated.  But I wasn’t. I felt such relief after all that exhaustion and frustration. and I felt guilty about it. Because in these sorts of situations the typical assumption is you’re suffering and people don’t stop to consider - there are always exception so let the person who experienced it share with you how she’s doing. It’s perfectly ok to feel what you feel. It doesn’t mean he wasn’t important to you. And I’m glad you are important to you. 

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I think it's a sign of good mental health and maturity that you can see clearly that he was not the person for you.  Be glad you feel that way.  Some people cry and carry on for ages when they'd have been further ahead to look logically at what had happened rather than being so emotional about it.

I had someone in my life die and I was not upset at all.  That person was almost never nice to me, I never felt like they cared about me, and in some was it was a relief when they were gone as they could not ever hurt me again.

 

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No, it is okay that you don't hold much emotion for this one.

It could be more of a 'relief' for you now.  Was only 8 months and by sounds of it, it wasn't too pleasant for you... then all is fine.  You've most likely lost any ability to feel much for this guy.  So, no worries.. It's done, you two work through what's left inside and move on.

 

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On 6/1/2022 at 2:17 AM, nai808 said:

I did cry alot throughout the relationship. I lost respect for him everytime he hurt me.

Sounds as though you already grieved yourself out of the relationship.

People who do that before leaving tend to feel relief instead of grief.

You've already done the hard part.

Head high.

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