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She wants to take a break


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So if you can look at previous post but as it stands. My gf of 7 years cheated on me has lied multiple times and after she cheated I left her for a month and a half which was in my head q break.

Now as it stands I have no trust feel like everything is broke. And needs fixed . And alot of work o. Both our sides to fix it I have never cheated. I don't lie besides white lies always honest.and try to be reasonable able. 

But the g/f thinks we should take a break I think it's the worst idea. 

I do belive breaks are good. but  usually that's if you have trust for each other. And we already took a break when she cheated to figure out if we should even get back together. 

I asked her why she said to work on the relationship.

I said if your not able to work on it as it stands to atleast gain back my trust first then why would I belive your doing it on a break. 

Am I reasonable or should I re evaluate my stance? I do love her but I think trust is a must first.

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25 minutes ago, Confusionsconfrontedcer said:

I do belive breaks are good. but  usually that's if you have trust for each other. And we already took a break when she cheated to figure out if we should even get back together. 

I asked her why she said to work on the relationship.

You do not take breaks, in order to work on a relationship- that's avoiding everything and causing more of a stir... and more distance.

I say you are not seeing any of this clearly enough.. I'm sorry you are hurting 😕 ... BUT...

She cheated on you.. she broke your trust. You two already had 'a break'? Now again?  No. Just be done with her!

All you are doing is hurting yourself.. allowing her to drag you along with her instability ( cheating/lies).

You already gave her a second chance.  Now, is time to walk away!  Learn some self respect & to love yourself first.

Trust is gone - and so is she.

Heal from this.. give yourself some time.  In time you will come to meet someone out there who does appreciate you properly and want to stick around, etc.

 

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Its not just trust. Cheaters have a way of "jumping through hoops" to justify their cheating ways. For example, a break means she can do whatever she wants while she figures out what she wants. Her idea of that is probably jumping from one guy to another. Or maybe she has a particular guy in mind. Maybe even that friend you talked about. And if all that fails, you are "safe harbor" for her to get back to. So, dont be that guy. Kick her to the curb and dont look back. Wont be easy after 7 years but you cant let her step all over you like that. 

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Taking a break is great if the two people are not going to date/pursue dating during the break, will not be in contact so they get needed space and have very specific reasons for why the break and what the goal is.  I don't think it makes sense here -she cheated and lied.  It doesn't sound like she has told you why this happened, and what she plans to do to make sure it never happens again (meaning therapy? making a promise to you that she'll give up her most prized possession should it happen? and also why - and why the "why" is going to be resolved).  I think in this case you either stay together because she can answer those questions or end it.  

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Posted (edited)

Firstly, sorry you're hurting.

She cheated on you and lied to you repeatedly! You don't deserve such disrespect. As much as it hurts right now, it's in your best interest to let her go.

You don't have any children or are married, therefore there is no need to make it work.

6 hours ago, Confusionsconfrontedcer said:

But the g/f thinks we should take a break I think it's the worst idea. 

By taking a break you aren't really in a relationship. What she's doing is cruel. She's making you hang in there by giving you hope. Meanwhile she works on herself, knowing she has you on stand-by. You do not deserve to be treated like that.

The best you can do is to let her go.

Edited by greendots
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Breaks are questionable even in relationships where trust isn't so badly damaged with cheating. That she went outside of the relationship and is suggesting a break gives me the feeling like she may feel guilty and overwhelmed by what's happening and is only avoiding the relationship. 

Don't stay trapped in a cycle for years and years. Break out of this and practice more self-love. Be around positive, honest, respectable people. Why settle for so little and live in such pain? Don't choose this anymore.

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She isn't taking a break to fix the relationship. 

She's just beginning her tip-toe out of the relationship. She already cheated and now she wants time apart - this isn't going to work out, OP. It's evident she's already decided this is over and is working up the courage to end it completely. 

I'm sorry.

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Posted (edited)

It's not fixable period. She has shown her true colors that she is willing to cheat on you and continue with lies. It just 7 years to find out what kind of person she is. 

Taking a break is a coward's way to get out of a relationship. It take two to repair a relationship. You both need to work at this together, not separately. 

Edited by smackie9
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She broke the relationship by cheating.  She further severs it by asking for a break.  She's already detaching and moving on.  She just doesn't have the guts to say it out loud.  

She wants to keep you on ice in the event she wants to run back.  You deserve better.

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