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He gives me silent treatment and treat me like I'm an extra thing , please I need advice


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4 minutes ago, Isa said:

No not at all. He is on the same level financially . He is in working visa in USA and he works in a restaurant . Nothing special. I have better education and I am US citizen . I m with him  because I truly thought he was a good man with decent manners , caring and loving . Nothing more or less. 

Well it's not working out that way so since you are fine financially find another place to rent/live even if temporary -I'm sorry you're hurt and disappointed.

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14 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

financially find another place to rent/live even if temporary -I'm sorry you're hurt and disappointed

That's the thing. I got covid and the employer let me go without a notice or reason and didn't work while sick with covid and than after getting better I been looking for work and I haven't start yet. So I need more money to be able to rent in an expensive city sick as this one. But the issue I'm not sure how I'm going to live and stand this until than. They are here again both brother and him  eating and drinking on my balcony . And at least the young brother he will say hello and we talk to each other him and I. But the older one didn't even say hello. And things got worst after he moved here too . 

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10 minutes ago, Isa said:

So I need more money to be able to rent in an expensive city sick as this one.

So it is financial then - that took a couple of posts.  What I would do is move a bit further out of the city where rents are cheaper.  So again -if money was not an issue -because now you've said it is - would you stay or go?  If go -then go now -take a side hustle or some temp work and leave ASAO.

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I been taking temp work and I have interviews this week, good willing I will start working this week . 

I mean what else should I but leaving when I m been ignored and feel like I'm not existing . He is dating me but working weekends, days and might with his brothers and coworkers and he works with them as well. 

But even if I start working this week and take a side job it will still take few weeks before I can move out. I still pay my order of the rent here and bills and food etc . And I'm not sure how can I go thought more of this crap for free more weeks. I have no privacy. I can't be comfortable and just do what I want. And I'm been giving a silent treatment .

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4 minutes ago, Isa said:

I been taking temp work and I have interviews this week, good willing I will start working this week . 

I mean what else should I but leaving when I m been ignored and feel like I'm not existing . He is dating me but working weekends, days and might with his brothers and coworkers and he works with them as well. 

But even if I start working this week and take a side job it will still take few weeks before I can move out. I still pay my order of the rent here and bills and food etc . And I'm not sure how can I go thought more of this crap for free more weeks. I have no privacy. I can't be comfortable and just do what I want. And I'm been giving a silent treatment .

I would see if there are any temp roommate situations or offer to house sit or pet sit -summer is coming and people need that sort of thing when they go away.  Keep your distance as much as possible and realize he is not dating you anymore -not in any real sense of the word. 

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Personally I wouldn't look at this as that you should feel ashamed in front of your family or anyone that you moved in with this guy and it's not working. Yes it's a big risk that you only saw him for a couple if weeks here and there for 1.5 years and moved in but you thought he was a good guy and you wanted to try. Not every long distance relationship doesn't work, some do.

One of my friends is from Mexico and she met an Australian guy on some online games. They had an online relationship and they met each other a few times by travelling to each other's country. Then she moved to Australia from Mexico and they married and were together for seven years. Even some in person relationships don't work out so I think the main issue is the not working out part, not how you met. 

This is just my opinion but I think the first opportunity you get to leave this guy, you should do it. If maybe you could get any job and apply for a sharehouse with other people and live with housemates. Maybe just live with other people until you can get back on your feet. 

It doesn't really sound like this guy is interested in your relationship. He's being very rude to you. Instead of actually trying to be with you, he leaves you by yourself all the time and keeps going out with other people. When you're in a relationship, that relationship should be number one to him. Instead he's always putting you last and would rather be drinking with other people than be with you. He doesn't even invite you to go out with them too. Yes it is rude to just keep inviting all these people to your house to get drunk. He should ask you if you're OK with it first and not just act like he lives there alone.

Leaving you by yourself while he's on the balcony talking to his brothers in another language you don't understand is rude. I think it's obvious this guy doesn't really respect you or want to include you in his life. 

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Yes he isn't dating me anymore. And I feel the disrespect of his brother especially the older one( he is 2 years older than us) , when he didn't even say hello while in my house I guess he feels entitled,   is due to my so called  boyfriend behavior and the fact he treats like I'm not here. And instead of working on it relation he is with his brothers and coworkers day and night  I just hate been here with them  . 

I thought of giving him an ultimatum and telling him to stop drinking and that going out with his coworkers or brothers can only happen once a week and his brothers can't come set in my balcony and drink here. And that we need to start looking for a new place to move to away from all this .  In this building both of his brothers are living here  and 2 of his coworkers  live here. ( The coworkers aren't really bad) OR if he wants to continue like this I pack my stuff and get out in the  end of June And while here in june he can't get anywhere near me physically and I'm not going to cook or clean for him or even talk to him. But I'm not sure if this the right thing to do,? 

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1 minute ago, Isa said:

Yes he isn't dating me anymore. And I feel the disrespect of his brother especially the older one( he is 2 years older than us) , when he didn't even say hello while in my house I guess he feels entitled,   is due to my so called  boyfriend behavior and the fact he treats like I'm not here. And instead of working on it relation he is with his brothers and coworkers day and night  I just hate been here with them  . 

I thought of giving him an ultimatum and telling him to stop drinking and that going out with his coworkers or brothers can only happen once a week and his brothers can't come set in my balcony and drink here. And that we need to start looking for a new place to move to away from all this .  In this building both of his brothers are living here  and 2 of his coworkers  live here. ( The coworkers aren't really bad) OR if he wants to continue like this I pack my stuff and get out in the  end of June And while here in june he can't get anywhere near me physically and I'm not going to cook or clean for him or even talk to him. But I'm not sure if this the right thing to do,? 

I don't think that moving away would help because the brothers or colleagues are not the problem. HE is the problem. He wants to act like this. They wouldn't come to your apartment if he didn't keep inviting them to your apartment. This is happening because of him and in a new place he would just find other people to keep drinking with and keep ignoring you.

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2 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

doesn't really sound like this guy is interested in your relationship. He's being very rude to you. Instead of actually trying to be with you, he leaves you by yourself all the time and keeps going out with other people. When you're in a relationship, that relationship should be number one to him. Instead he's always putting you last and would rather be drinking with other people than be with you. He doesn't even invite you to go out with them too. Yes it is rude to just keep inviting all these people to your house to get drunk. He should ask you if you're OK with it first and not just act like he lives there alone.

Leaving you by yourself while he's on the balcony talking to his brothers in another language you don't understand is rude. I think it's obvious this guy doesn't really respect you or want to include you in his life. 

I feel like you getting me and really understand me. You put what I feel into words I can't put . It's exactly what bothering me and how I feel. We just moved together instead of spending time together to know each other and do activities I get left alone while taking to other people in languages I don't understand . It's driving me crazy and makes me depressed . 

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1 minute ago, Tinydance said:

I don't think that moving away would help because the brothers or colleagues are not the problem. HE is the problem. He wants to act like this. They wouldn't come to your apartment if he didn't keep inviting them to your apartment. This is happening because of him and in a new place he would just find other people to keep drinking with and keep ignoring you.

You right it's gonna be like that. What do you think I should do in the mean time while looking for work and a place to move to? I still have to be here for free week at least? 

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8 minutes ago, Isa said:

You right it's gonna be like that. What do you think I should do in the mean time while looking for work and a place to move to? I still have to be here for free week at least? 

Well when you talked to him about these issues, what did he say? Does he have any explanations for what he's doing? I think if he doesn't want to fix anything then just keep looking for work. Maybe just get any job, doesn't matter which one, so that you can move out. Maybe try to get a place with other people renting there so that the rent is cheaper. Then once you move you can keep looking for a job you actually want.

Do you have any friends or know anyone in this city? I think because it's obvious the relationship is probably over, just leave him alone and stop trying. Put all your focus on looking for work and finding another place to live.

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Posted (edited)

I didn't take talk to him yet about it, we haven't been taking to each other in 3 days. He hit mad about nothing 3 days ago after i made him dinner and dessert and waited for him to her home from work and eat together , and he says he didn't want to talk to me so I told him okay let's not talk. He tried to talk to me earlier adding me if I eat and I told him to leave me alone. So I don't know if in should ask him to set down and talk or I should just keep ignoring him. Anyways he didn't ty to talk about his behavior at all or even apologize .

I'm not sure we are as far as the relation . What did he think. For him or it's over and no I'm not sure. 

Edited by Isa
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12 minutes ago, Isa said:

I didn't take talk to him yet about it, we haven't been taking to each other in 3 days. He hit mad about nothing 3 days ago after i made him dinner and dessert and waited for him to her home from work and eat together , and he says he didn't want to talk to me so I told him okay let's not talk. He tried to talk to me earlier adding me if I eat and I told him to leave me alone. So I don't know if in should ask him to set down and talk or I should just keep ignoring him. Anyways he didn't ty to talk about his behavior at all or even apologize .

I'm not sure we are as far as the relation . What did he think. For him or it's over and no I'm not sure. 

Well I think you need to talk to him and ask him. I find it surprising you're just ignoring each other and you you haven't asked him what is going on or what does he want. I mean, sure, you could just pack all your things and leave. But after 1.5 years I think there needs to be some kind of discussion. 

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Just now, Tinydance said:

. But after 1.5 years I think there needs to be some kind of discussion. 

What should I tell him? He knows what he did wrong, her knows cooking home drunk at 7 am and leaving her cans all over the balcony isn't right but he isn't trying to talk about it or apologizing . So tell me please what should I tell him. ? 

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Just now, Isa said:

What should I tell him? He knows what he did wrong, her knows cooking home drunk at 7 am and leaving her cans all over the balcony isn't right but he isn't trying to talk about it or apologizing . So tell me please what should I tell him. ? 

Well you could just tell him what you've been writing here, say how you feel. And see what he says.

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2 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

you could just tell him what you've been writing here, say how you feel. And see what he says

But I feel like everytime he gives me the silent treatment . I fix things with him and I accept his" sorry" and make things easy on him and he goes back right to it. And I feel like he does this because he knows I will take him but this I don't want to make easy on him. Or take him back just for saying " sorry  and I love you crap " . He treats me like a doormat because of that. I want to show him that of he wants a silent treatment he will get one. I wouldn't take to him or cook for him or clean after him or laugh with him. Nothing..

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4 minutes ago, Isa said:

But I feel like everytime he gives me the silent treatment . I fix things with him and I accept his" sorry" and make things easy on him and he goes back right to it. And I feel like he does this because he knows I will take him but this I don't want to make easy on him. Or take him back just for saying " sorry  and I love you crap " . He treats me like a doormat because of that. I want to show him that of he wants a silent treatment he will get one. I wouldn't take to him or cook for him or clean after him or laugh with him. Nothing..

Well, sure, but this is not a relationship. Once your relationship is only silent treatment and no time together, it's basically over. I don't think you're really teaching him a lesson with silent treatment because he's checked out of this relationship and doesn't really care.

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2 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

don't think you're really teaching him a lesson with silent treatment because he's checked out of this relationship and doesn't really care

Than what are you suggesting ? 

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1 minute ago, Isa said:

Than what are you suggesting ? 

Well just to have a conversation with him about whether the relationship is over? I mean, what is another option? Just to not talk to him and then get a job, take your things and leave?

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5 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

just to have a conversation with him about whether the relationship is over?

Yes it's true. I never know where things are. But for some reason I feel like I'm having anxiety right now. I had horrible few days. Getting over covid, having to go around town everyday looking for work send doing interviews . And coming home to this. I don't even know how to start this conversation .

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I'm sorry you're in this situation.  On the positive side, you've only lived with him for 3 months and you are 100% clear that you are not compatible.  

You can easily get a crappy job anywhere in the US  that will pay for a room to rent (Craigslist) and get out of there within a couple of weeks. Places are desperate for workers.   At the same time keep applying for career jobs in your field.  You'll get through this pretty soon and leave it in the dust.  

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9 hours ago, Isa said:

. I have better education and I am US citizen . 

If you are a US citizen, go to social services and get assistance with housing, food, healthcare and employment assistance.

You need to  start helping yourself. You took a huge risk moving in with a man you barely knew. He is not suddenly going to be someone else.

All you are doing is complaining that he's not ambitious and he hangs out with his family. Yet, you are the one who's unemployed and living in his house.

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On 5/31/2022 at 3:14 AM, Isa said:

I didn't take talk to him yet about it, we haven't been taking to each other in 3 days. He hit mad about nothing 3 days ago after i made him dinner and dessert and waited for him to her home from work and eat together , and he says he didn't want to talk to me so I told him okay let's not talk. He tried to talk to me earlier adding me if I eat and I told him to leave me alone. So I don't know if in should ask him to set down and talk or I should just keep ignoring him. Anyways he didn't ty to talk about his behavior at all or even apologize .

I'm not sure we are as far as the relation . What did he think. For him or it's over and no I'm not sure. 

I think you guys have intentions in making it work. But as a man it’s really a pride thing. I’m sure you both care about each other and would be hurt if something serious happened. If he doesn’t want to talk or you don’t want to talk instead maybe agree a time when y’all both are calm and able to talk. And just lay your issues out. Don’t blame just say how things make you feel. If he approaches you and your mad I don’t wanna talk right now maybe later he’ll understand. Don’t talk to me and leave me alone is aggressive and projects the feeling you have onto someone else. 
 

keep your head up God has your back 

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Posted (edited)
On 5/30/2022 at 8:48 PM, Tinydance said:

Well just to have a conversation with him about whether the relationship is over? I mean, what is another option?

I had a conversation with him few days ago, the same and he said he doesn't want to break up and he wants to work on things and he is sorry and no more hanging out with his brother and coworkers until late at night, and 2 days later back to the same shi**, first just na hour or so and than start again, I went to bed last night at midnight and he was still at the balcony drinking with his brothers and didn't come in until like 2:30 or 3 am , and this morning at the breakfast table on the phone with his mother on speaker the entire time and we got into an argument, I told him you don't have any table manners, I just made nice breakfast just so you can be in the phone the entire time on speakers in languages I don't understand , and now he went out and left me alone in the house and is our day  off when we suppose to go out and do something but nothing , he first said his 2 brothers want to go to the park together if I want to go to but now he left alone after the argument , I told him you don't spend any quality time with me and he said he feels he is with me the entire time at home , what is not what I asked , he is with me when eating and sleeping or watching TV but no really quality time , no deep really conversation or do new experiences or anything and he told me if you want to go out and do your things alone you can, and I told him than why am I even dating you? I can do my own things alone but we use to go out together at least I once a week and now 3 months in this relation and look at it, I m new to the city I don't have any friends yet and I do go out alone sometimes to explore but not all the time and when I was single and when we were long distance I use to always do solo travel around the country but I thought living together he will want to do things together and get to know each other better . I m just so frustrated ,I don't know if he doesn't know how relation works or what quality time or he just doesn't care or what the hell is wrong with him? He says he loves me and doesn't want to break up .

Edited by Isa
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