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Not telling your spouse your guys friend tried kissing you


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Ok so . There was a concern about a friend of mine that I stopped talking to. because he was being a bad friend. He would steal from us and lie to us. But my gf still wanted to be friends with him.  I refused to allow him in our home. unless he apologized or even said he didn't feel he should have to. He did neither. When I started thinking he was only interested in getting g with her. I expressed co concern. She insisted just friends. I found out months later after that he tried to kiss her. and she turned him down. she told him you need to go ask me. knowing he would not have the balls to do so . But she never told me until now that they no longer talk. her reason is because she handled it. 

Am I wrong for thinking that I still should have been told ?

Am I wrong g for feeling like she should have stopped hanging out with him?

And because she choose not to tell me it looks worse than if she did when it happened?

Please some insight and constructive criticism welcomed but I don't need any mean replies please and thank k you

 

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She probably didn’t tell you when it happened because she didn’t want to worry you and felt foolish for remaining friends with a thief and a liar.  

You have to talk with her and both of you open up. Otherwise, this will eat at you and the trust is broken in your relationship. If she’s dismissive or doesn’t want to talk about it you have bigger problems than this thief/liar so-called friend. Both of you need more communication and work on building trust again.

 

 

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4 hours ago, Confusionsconfrontedcer said:

Am I wrong for thinking that I still should have been told ?

 

Nah, you definitely should have been told. The real question is: Why you werent?

4 hours ago, Confusionsconfrontedcer said:

Am I wrong g for feeling like she should have stopped hanging out with him?

 

Nah bruh, its perfectly fine for her to hang out with the thief and a liar against your wishes, that is so not red flag. Sarcasm over

4 hours ago, Confusionsconfrontedcer said:

And because she choose not to tell me it looks worse than if she did when it happened?

 

Again asking the wrong questions. Instead of

Why she chose to associate with somebody like that who had clear intentions of seducing her?

Why are you only finding out AFTER they are not on a speaking terms?

There is way more to that story that you know it. And you are right to be suspicious about it.

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6 hours ago, Confusionsconfrontedcer said:

He would steal from us and lie to us. But my gf still wanted to be friends with him.  I refused to allow him in our home. 

Sorry this happened. How long have you lived together? How old is your GF? 

Whose friend is it? Yours or hers? Is he a drug addict? You were right to bar him from your home.

Why would your GF want to stay friends with a thief? 

 

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8 hours ago, Confusionsconfrontedcer said:

Am I wrong for thinking that I still should have been told ?

Am I wrong g for feeling like she should have stopped hanging out with him?

No, you're not wrong.

This makes me think she's hiding more. Why would she hang out with someone who has betrayed you guys?

8 hours ago, Confusionsconfrontedcer said:

she told him you need to go ask me.

What do you mean by this? She literally asked him to ask you if you'd accept him kissing her? If so, wow.

You need to have a clear conversation on this. If your gut keeps on telling you that it's still off/you don't believe her answers, I'd reconsider this whole relationship.

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25 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Is this the same girlfriend who cheated on you with a mutual friend?

Yikes!

OP if this her, please end this. She is not loyal to you. You don't deserve this. You need to let go of the fantasy of being with her, get some self respect, and leave.

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10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. How long have you lived together? How old is your GF? 

Whose friend is it? Yours or hers? Is he a drug addict? You were right to bar him from your home.

Why would your GF want to stay friends with a thief? 

 

We lived together for 6 years. been together for 7 she is 30 I am 32. He wS both our friend more mine then hers but we meet him after we were together 

 

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8 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

No, you're not wrong.

This makes me think she's hiding more. Why would she hang out with someone who has betrayed you guys?

What do you mean by this? She literally asked him to ask you if you'd accept him kissing her? If so, wow.

You need to have a clear conversation on this. If your gut keeps on telling you that it's still off/you don't believe her answers, I'd reconsider this whole relationship.

Yeah I had explained it makes it seem like zhe is willing if I'm ok with it I told her. That's not even my place to give permission. Her thought process. He won't ask so no problem.

G

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Well, can YOU recover from her lie? That's the question here. Can you put it behind you and pretend it never happened? Or do you consider this a deal-breaker, follow your gut and break out of this relationship?

I would personally trust my gut. I learned this the hard way. When something doesn't feel right, it's that it's not right.

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Posted (edited)

OP you know what the answer is:

She doesn't love you enough. She lies to you. She might have had other affairs.

 

I don't know how you relate to someone like this or how you can still find her attractive after all this. How can you accept being treated like this is the real question here.

And you do have a choice, even if it's one you don't want to hear and you don't like. But if you want to keep your head in the sand... It won't end well this way too.

Edited by DarkCh0c0
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She didn't tell you because she is just as guilty as he is. She encouraged the event that happened. So why would she tell you? 

If she was innocent, yes she should, but she didn't for a reason. She's involved with him. 

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