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Not sure what to think. He’s like 2 different people


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Me F(22), him M(31)

I became FwB with the guy I was dating, but I’m not sure what to think of him. 

He acts super into me when I’m with him, he shows a lot of interest and he has told me he likes me many times, but he also acts rude/conceited at times.He’ll say things like “i’ve been getting a lot of likes on Tinder”, or “I cant think of something I cant brag about.” “When u get a boyfriend ur gonna miss our sex”. He also calls me names sometimes like “***er, ***, nag,etc. I told him I don’t like that and then he tells me I’m nagging or that he is “just kidding”. I’ve also started to notice that he’ll quickly say something sweet if he notices I’m upset. For example, yesterday he texted me in the evening and asked me to come over and I told him I couldn’t, but that we could FaceTime later if he liked. He then said “Tbh, I’m going to sleep early”. Even though he asked me to come over late in the evening. I replied “Then I couldn’t have come over anyways” and then he said “Yeah, we could’ve cuddled on the couch together.” Later that night we were texting again and he sent me a voice message:  “God, you’re hard to please these days, are you talking to other guys or something?”And when I didn’t respond to that he said “Oh, you’re actually going to ignore my question”.

He’s told me before he isn’t jealous at all, so I wonder why he would say that.

He can be extremely charming and kind, but he is also kind of mean. I just don’t get it.

 

 

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7 minutes ago, Candykandy11a said:

I’m not sure what to think of him. 

He's abusive. Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Free yourself to find men who respect you. You don't have to tolerate turds like this guy.💩

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Please don't stand for that kind of treatment from anyone. You're allowing someone to mistreat you repeatedly, call you names and make accusations. 

The longer you stay the worse the abuse. Please don't believe that he'll change. He won't change.

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Posted (edited)
41 minutes ago, Candykandy11a said:

He can be extremely charming and kind, but he is also kind of mean. I just don’t get it.

Emotional abuse. That's what it is.

He has a kind face/facet when he wants something, wants attention or wants to give a good impression. Then he has his real face which is when he is rude, belittling of you, inconsiderate, ignores your feelings/needs, and acts like a jerk.

The kind part is like the store front. It's just to show people he's a "good guy". But the inside is the truth and it is horror.

So you feel confused and it starts making you doubt yourself and it eats at your self esteem if you didn't have a strong one to begin with.

DO NOT put up with this. You owe him NOTHING and he is just with you for his own pleasure.

Best cut contact with him and reflect on how you got yourself with such unpleasant man. He is far from a catch, even for a fwb.

You also need to learn how to not accept disrespect and how to say no and walk away. People-pleasing him will not lead him to change. He is what he is. And he is toxic to any woman.

You deserve better. You can do better. Please love yourself enough to stay away from such men ❤️

Edited by DarkCh0c0
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51 minutes ago, Candykandy11a said:

I’ve also started to notice that he’ll quickly say something sweet if he notices I’m upset. For example, yesterday he texted me in the evening and asked me to come over and I told him I couldn’t, but that we could FaceTime later if he liked. He then said “Tbh, I’m going to sleep early”. Even though he asked me to come over late in the evening. I replied “Then I couldn’t have come over anyways” and then he said “Yeah, we could’ve cuddled on the couch together.”

To be honest, when you said he’d say something sweet, I kept reading and waiting for the sweet thing he was meant to have said. I had to reread the passage again to pick up what you thought was sweet. I’m assuming it’s the statement in bold italics? Honestly, that doesn’t read as sweet; it reads as petulant and emotionally manipulative after you unwittingly called him out on his  mind-game antics.

I’d be done the second someone spoke to me in such a manner and called me names. You’re teaching him how to treat you by putting up with his abuse. And as a previous poster mentioned, even just fwb require an absolute minimum of respect and decency n order to engage in a healthy fwb relationship.

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Are you hoping to get back together officially?

Ask yourself that question, because I feel you'll tell us you don't want to, that you're fine with being his occasional sex partner, but I can't think of a single other reason why you'd stick around to take his abuse. 

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Was it your idea to stop dating and have a sexual arrangement? You didn't "become FWB" - you weren't good friends who decided to have a sexual arrangement.  You were dating someone and then one or both of you realized there was no serious potential so you'd hang out and hook up when it was convenient and you both felt like having sex.  There's no label, there's no status to that -it's simply having fun with each other's bodies by having sex.  Before that the two of you were dating and it sounds like with the purpose of seeing if it would be something serious. 

Is the sex that good that you are ok with being treated in a disrespectful way? He's not two different people. He is an individual who is treating you disrespectfully.  What if you get an STD and/or pregnant --and if pregnant do you really want to be tied to this guy who treats you disrespectfully?

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3 hours ago, Candykandy11a said:

He also calls me names sometimes like “***er, ***, nag,etc.

On what planet does he think it's okay to use foul language towards you? Describing experiences, for example, with the f-word, whilst not my style, is understandable. The quoted above is simply abhorrent. Honestly, you can do soooo much better.

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8 minutes ago, greendots said:

On what planet does he think it's okay to use foul language towards you? Describing experiences, for example, with the f-word, whilst not my style, is understandable. The quoted above is simply abhorrent. Honestly, you can do soooo much better.

I thought I was the only one who differentiated in this way -I also told this to my son -I try not to use language like that but if it happens yes there is a difference! OP he is calling you names, that's darn inappropriate.

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