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I'm [27F] not sure what to do after the awful events of last night


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Me and my husband [30M] have been married for 4 years now and have a 2 year old son. I have never had a good relationship with my  dad (who yells and beats me when I was growing up) and mom (who is a narcastic) but I decided to invite them over anyway for dinner.

Theought the night, my dad was criticizing me for my skills and even appearance. My boyfriend kept telling me to have at least him leave but I wanted to give them a chance. An hour in though, my father slapped me for accidentally spilling his drink. I was about ready to make him leave when my boyfriend came in angry. He nearly cracked his skull open and nearly killed him when I finally had to calm him down. My boyfriend was never like this.

 

After a 911 call, my dad is in the hospital, my husband is in jail for assualt, and my mom is planning to sue me for damages. What do I do now?

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I am confused - is this man your boyfriend or your husband? 

9 minutes ago, Danica625254 said:

my dad is in the hospital, my husband is in jail for assualt, and my mom is planning to sue me for damages. What do I do now?

You need to call a lawyer. And a good therapist. I am sorry you're caught in the middle of this. 

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Your mom is planning to sue you? Her own daughter?

I would say get away from your family and husband. Take your child to a safe place- somewhere they don't know of. And then consult a lawyer. Distance yourself and don't stay in touch with any of these 3. It's toxic and damaging. You have become so accustomed to abuse that you probably ignored some red flags in your husband too.

Which is why you need to put your physical and emotional safety first, and that of the baby. I'm sorry you're going through this.

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While I can never condone violence, I guess your husband/boyfriend got to the point where he snapped. It must be very difficult to stand by and watch you getting abused and then slapped by your own father, right in front of him. 

Your husband/boyfriend, although just as in the wrong, defended you from further assault. I hope he's never been violent to you? As both your parents seem to treat you awfully, I'd not have anything further to do with them. 

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Danica625254 said:

After a 911 call, my dad is in the hospital, my husband is in jail for assualt, and my mom is planning to sue me for damages. 

Sorry this happened. Take care of yourself and your child. That's all you need to do.

Your mother can't sue you as she has no standing and you weren't the assailant.  It's a criminal case so your BF will be prosecuted. You do not need an attorney as you are not the defendant.

Get a restraining order against your parents. That way your mother cannot contact you or come near you or your child.

You need to stay away from violence. Whether it's a BF or your parents. Stop the cycle of violence for your child's sake.

Your primary concern right now is taking care of your child.

Luckily you are not married and your BF's legal fees are not your problem. And you won't need to go through a costly divorce when he's in prison.

Stop talking to your parents. Do not discuss this with your family. The more you talk to your family the more damaging it will be for your BF's case.

Since you were not Involved, you do not have legal problems. Your mother could go after your BF civily after the criminal proceedings, but since he'll be in prison, it's a waste of time.

Stay away from your family and your BF. 

What you need to worry about is providing for your child when your BF is in prison.  That's it.

Edited by Wiseman2
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Is this your husband or boyfriend? You called him both? And he is the father right?

I'm really sorry this happened. I agree get a lawyer and put your child's interests first and take care of you with legal advice and when you can a counselor/therapist.  All the best and I'm sorry.

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5 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

There was no excuse for your boyfriend to react that way. Absolutely zero. 

I think he got caught in the heat of the moment seeing the father slap his own gf who insisted on staying. But, he took it way too far. To almost kill the father shows that the bf is not stable as well and has abusive/violent tendencies too.

Which is again why OP should distance herself from all of them to be able to deal with this and heal. OP if you are reading this, please get away from these people. You need to feel safe and in peace on your own.

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17 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I think he got caught in the heat of the moment seeing the father slap his own gf who insisted on staying. But, he took it way too far. To almost kill the father shows that the bf is not stable as well and has abusive/violent tendencies too.

That is evident and obvious. There was no reason to hit another person regardless of what is said. 

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You can counter sue for the assault on you. Your father started it. Your husband was protecting you from further violence. A defense lawyer will use that, and have you talk about your past assaults from your father in court. 

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2 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

You can counter sue for the assault on you. Your father started it. Your husband was protecting you from further violence. A defense lawyer will use that, and have you talk about your past assaults from your father in court. 

Assault is a crime, so private attorneys do not get involved.

It's the prosecutor and the defense attorney for the criminal. 

Yes she will be subpoenaed to testify in court. If she wishes to press charges against the father she can do that as well.

 Who started it, mitigating factors, etc. will all be determined through the depositions and decided ultimately by the courts. Her parents are not on trial.

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You went from one violent man (your father) to another (boyfriend). And now your child is third in line if you don't stop this cycle of abuse.

Please contact a support group for victims of domestic violence. Please utilize all of the resources they have available. Please be sure to include counseling for your child.

Then have the agency help you form a plan for you and your child's future. You cannot return to the violent household, so you will need to plan for what you will do next.

Wishing you the best.

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4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Assault is a crime, so private attorneys do not get involved.

It's the prosecutor and the defense attorney for the criminal. 

Yes she will be subpoenaed to testify in court. If she wishes to press charges against the father she can do that as well.

 Who started it, mitigating factors, etc. will all be determined through the depositions and decided ultimately by the courts. Her parents are not on trial.

I know there will be a criminal case, and the counter suit would be her suing for damages such as emotional destress from the father assaulting her. Hey the lawyers will figure something out to get their money. 

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Posted (edited)
58 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

I know there will be a criminal case, and the counter suit would be her suing for damages such as emotional destress from the father assaulting her. 

Criminal cases do not have "countersuits" because countersuits are for civil cases. The OP does not need an attorney. She can simply get a restraining order against the parents and against the BF. The trial will be the BF as a the defendant and the prosecutor for the state. It's that simple.

Felony assault always carries prison time. In fact she may be seen as an accomplice, so "suing" dad is unwise and futile. If she is charged with anything such as that or endangering the welfare of a child she too will need a criminal defense attorney.

The BF's criminal attorney will use this information and the BF will testify that the OP insisted on them staying, despite him trying to deescalate.: "My boyfriend kept telling me to have at least him leave but I wanted to give them a chance".

Edited by Wiseman2
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Cut your father out of your life, for good. He is extremely toxic.

You also need to seriously consider leaving your partner too, he sounds just as abusive.

Him defending you, would mean that he would have picked up your child asked you to come with him (after your father slapped you), and all 3 of you would have drove down to the police station to make a statement against your father for obvious physical abuse and assault.

How your partner reacted, however, was every bit as bad as your father.

Please see the cycle you are in. You chose a man who is similar to your father.

Call a lawyer and a therapist as soon as possible. You need support right now.

The proper support!! And not men who keep hurting and abusing you.

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Posted (edited)
17 hours ago, Danica625254 said:

An hour in though, my father slapped me for accidentally spilling his drink.

This is the point at which the police should've been called, and Dad goes to jail.  

Did the 2-year-old child witness this circus?

Edited by waffle
wording
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Posted (edited)

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Consider contacting your local human services agency, women's shelter, domestic violence organization or your local hospital's case worker or social services department for an appointment to learn about resources available to you and your potential options.

Or, use the Internet to find a domestic violence site for support, hotlines and referrals to local help providers.

One contact may need to include legal aid or a marriage and family attorney to learn your legal options, along with the best steps for each option.

From there you can make decisions based on real information and expert advice rather than operating on emotions alone.

Edited by catfeeder
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