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Help with husband


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I need advise

I started playing an online game back in January, and started getting flirty with some of the players, I added one of them to my snapchat and send him a photo of my bra... anyway my husband found out that I had been flirting with other guys and wanted to divorce, I told him that I did not had any emotional feelings for them that I was just passing time, he didnt believe me at first but we talked about it, I deleted discord, and the game and he stayed, later that day I begged to get the game back at least for an hour a day, and in return we were going to have ana sex (hate it) he agreed, I installed and played it.  One hour was not enough as I was still talking to other guys, I then started "buying" time by giving him massages (one minute of massage was equal to 3.5 minutes on the game) that went on for a few days. He started to get ansious again for the time that I was starting to spend on the game, he started asking me about who else I was talking to and the reason why I could not stop playing that game, I finally told him about the other two guys, he read the messages that I had with them was really hurt and disappointed, he talked again about getting a divorce. He made me write to the one guy that I actually really like and tell him that I was married have two kids and how much I loved my husband, I did what se said. He then gave me the ultimatum if I wanted him to stay I needed to give up my phone for a week. I accepted I thought I didnt want my marriage to dissolve, but at the same time I feel like I'm being treated as a child and losing my independence, he's always been kind of controlling, never lets me cut my hair the way I want, never let me make my own decisions.

I think I still love my husband but I do wonder why I started flirting with other guys, and why I didnt stop after our first argument.

 

I dont know what to do, at this point I dont even know if I want to stay with him anymore

 

Please help

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Is this a troll? How old are you guys?

11 minutes ago, monicanaranjo said:

I think I still love my husband

Yea right. If you loved him enough you wouldn't be flirting with strangers online and sending nudes.

Trust has been broken and that is the foundation of the relationship.  There's no use in staying with someone you don't love nor respect as much. You've both become toxic and you're both resentful.

Divorce and set each other free. There is no "undoing" this. Damage is done. And obviously, this relationship has not been working for a long time.

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If you want to send underwear pics to strange men online please get a divorce. Then when you're single you can send all the half dressed pics to as many men as you want without anyone interfering or trying to stop you. Problem solved.

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I would say you are a perfect couple. He is controling so he gets to enact his will even with emotional blackmail when you do something he doesnt like, and you enjoy the attention of other men so you get him an opportunity to do that. In a toxic way, you are a perfect pair.

Anyway, if you crave the attention of other men so much, just divorce. then you can send your naked selfies to any men you want.

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OP you are in a very dysfunctional and toxic relationship with your husband and I am not going to reiterate that cheating is bad since you already know it.

What is very concerning is that your husband seems to have way to much control over you (not letting you cut your own hair, taking your phone away etc.) why is that? does he make most or all of the money? are you able to be independant financially? Have your husband ever been physically abusive toward you?

For him to accept the proposition of anal sex when he knows how much you dislike it is horrible. This is a man who doesn't seems to respect nor care for your well being.

Are you not able to leave this relationship due to financial reasons, low self esteem, the kids ? Because staying and trying to escape the reality by flirting with strangers online will only aggravate the situation.

You need to stop the escapism and address the problem you have in your relationship and your life. Seek counseling, get yourself evaluated for depression. start taking little actions to be independant from that man and take back the control of your life. Even starting to make new friends by volonteering or being part of a support group will help.

people have pull off themselves from the worst situations but it all start with having a hard look at what's going on in your life and taking action to love yourself and develop self confidence so you can gain the power to change.

you can do it.

 

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Your husband may be controlling but you don't honestly expect that any man is going to be OK with their wife spending hours on online games and flirting with other guys? And sending sexy pictures to other guys? Even if your husband is too controlling in other aspects, but in this situation he's not actually being controlling, he's just standing up for himself because you're basically cheating on him. Any other guy wouldn't be fine with it either and very likely you'd get exactly the same reactions.

Yes I think you need to think about why your husband threatened you with divorce over this game, but you care more about your online game and talking to the other guys than him? If you're not into your husband anymore, you can leave him and then do whatever you want. But since you're married I think you either need to stop playing this game or decide to divorce him. You can't have both.

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9 hours ago, monicanaranjo said:

 I begged to get the game back at least for an hour a day, and in return we were going to have ana sex (hate it) he agreed, I installed and played it.  

You have a parent-child relationship. Replete with punishments if you're naughty. 

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10 hours ago, monicanaranjo said:

I dont know what to do, at this point I dont even know if I want to stay with him anymore

Address the broken marriage. It doesn’t sound like you’re happy. The game is just a distraction, possibly an addiction at the same time while you escape from reality.

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Go borrow a friend's apartment or rent a cheap place where you can go and play/flirt to your heart's content. Just tell your husband you are taking yoga classes or shopping, visiting a friend, whatever. Make it look legit as much as possible. Give your man the sex he wants as a distraction. I think that will help let you have the best of both worlds. 

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