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Me and my friend's wife's holiday romance


mwacuk
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OP, for what it's worth...

My dear, now-departed aunt had an affair around 25 years ago. With a long-time family friend. Both my aunt and her AP were married with kids. I don't know how long it went on, but according to my cousin, it was a while. 

Want to know who found out first and blew it up? One of the AP's kids. Inadvertently, because she was too young to really understand what she had seen and heard. But she mentioned some of it to my cousin, who was older and immediately knew something was wrong. And he went to my unlce. From there, the whole affair was exposed. 

My aunt and uncle remained married, but my cousins needed a long time to get over the pain she caused them and their dad. I am not sure they ever truly forgave her, even decades later. The AP and his wife divorced. She kicked him out. As of a couple years ago, he still had a very frosty relationship with his own kids. (My cousins are still friends with them) 

It was most certainly not Happy Ever After, for any of the parties involved. Think carefully about the damage you could cause to your own kids, even if they're too little now to understand. These things have a way of being revealed over time and staying with the most innocent: the children caught in the middle. 

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Posted (edited)

How about you focus on your unhappy relationship with Gemma here? Why not break up and split child care? At least you'll be single and able to see other people.

As for Chloe, nothing serious will come out of this. As long as she's married, she's not yours and she won't be.

You also betrayed your "best friend". Honestly, shame on you. You're the "worse man" and not best man. How can you even look at your friend?

And People will find out... I would say distance yourself from Chloe, and break up with Gemma. Your relationship with her is useless and you're lying and leading her on. You have complete disrespect to Gemma. It's outrageous.

What you're doing is not healthy nor fair to anyone's kids or any party on this whole mess. Be less self-centred man! Get a reality check and stop chasing fantasies.

Edited by DarkCh0c0
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5 hours ago, greendots said:

 his wife Chloe to go on a trip with you. Gemma is keen for you guys to travel together as well. 

Agree. This sounds bizarre. More like a porn plot. Banging the best friend's wife.

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Yeah, first of all, of course you're so into this with her, because it's like a fantasy and also is like the beginning of any new relationship... Is called the Honeymoon phase. ( that will fade) .

But, inside you know it's all wrong.  And as mentioned, she's most likely leaned your way because she is lacking that in her marriage. - so an affair.

Another thing, she is torn between you and her husband?  Well, that tells you something as well, doesn't it?

I am pretty sure this WILL end up badly, as someone will come to suspect something... so maybe is time to end all!

Respect your friend.. and his wife.  Respect yourself & whatever you've got with this Gemma.

You were weak, you went there.. but nothing good will come of this, except hurt feelings & guilt.

I agree.. be done with Gemma and move along.  Don't sit forever with guilt sitting on your shoulders.

 

 

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Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, BecxyRex said:

Love can cloud judgement, but in my mind you have already lost that friend when you started sleeping with his wife. Cut ties with both of them and start fresh.

Great advice except I have to comment on the above.  That's never an excuse to react to feelings of love by choosing to get drunk and choosing to have sex in this situation.  He could have reacted simply by acknowledging his feelings privately and choosing to keep his distance.  Or choosing to leave Gemma knowing he was in love with someone else and then dating Chloe if by chance she divorced her husband in the future.  So many choices.  Clouding judgment happens with lots of emotions and human beings choose the reaction, often in line with their values and often when it's so much easier not to do the right thing.

It's even worse as he claims he cares for his friend -guess that caring went out the window.

Edited by Batya33
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Posted (edited)

OK so me and Chloe met for lunch and we've made the decision to stop what we're doing. We've both agreed that we still love each other and the feelings will never go away but as far as any actual intimacy is concerned, that will now stop. Chloe has suggested that if we are ever away away together we can have a bit of fun, which suggests she deep down still clings to a future occasion where we can be intimate; she has also said she would get with me if we were ever in a position for that to legitimately happen. I agree with her second point, not the first as that's just carrying our affire on in my eyes. 

I've told her that I will be breaking up with Gemma in the next few months (not immediately as Chloe suggested because this could cause suspicion and upend everything if anyone makes the connection between the holiday and the breakup) , no idea how to even go about it but wish me luck. 

Chloe (and Jamie) will support us through the breakup. 

If no one finds out what's already happened then if this can end with Chloe and Jamie's marriage salvaged that will be an amazing end for all involved. 

Wish us luck 

Edited by mwacuk
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5 minutes ago, mwacuk said:

I will be breaking up with Gemma

This is important, and a step in the right direction. 

It is clear your relationship with her is dead in the water, and you're checked out. That happens sometimes, and the best solution is to end it. Your children will be okay, if you and she support them effectively in this transition. 

8 minutes ago, mwacuk said:

If no one finds out what's already happened then if this can end with Chloe and Jamie's marriage salvaged that will be an amazing end for all involved. 

Not really. It might be amazing for you and Chloe because you won't be held accountable - but not for Jamie who doesn't know that he can't and shouldn't trust the people who are closest to him. 

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Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Not really. It might be amazing for you and Chloe because you won't be held accountable - but not for Jamie who doesn't know that he can't and shouldn't trust the people who are closest to him.

You are right in principle, but if we can move on from this and Chloe remains happy with Jamie I don't see what the benefit is of him ever finding out. If me and Chloe can permanently stick to our word today, what are you suggesting we admit to him we've both screwed him over so at least he can choose to be free of us both? Are you saying Chloe should end it with him just so he has the opportunity to meet a more loyal partner (and by extension friend)? 

Edited by mwacuk
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17 minutes ago, mwacuk said:

OK so me and Chloe met for lunch and we've made the decision to stop what we're doing. We've both agreed that we still love each other and the feelings will never go away but as far as any actual intimacy is concerned, that will now stop. Chloe has suggested that if we are ever away away together we can have a bit of fun, which suggests she deep down still clings to a future occasion where we can be intimate; she has also said she would get with me if we were ever in a position for that to legitimately happen. I agree with her second point, not the first as that's just carrying our affire on in my eyes. 

I've told her that I will be breaking up with Gemma in the next few months (not immediately as Chloe suggested because this could cause suspicion and upend everything if anyone makes the connection between the holiday and the breakup) , no idea how to even go about it but wish me luck. 

Chloe (and Jamie) will support us through the breakup. 

If no one finds out what's already happened then if this can end with Chloe and Jamie's marriage salvaged that will be an amazing end for all involved. 

Wish us luck 

Chloe seems to want the best of both worlds which is incredibly disrespectful to both you and her husband. I'm referring to her proposal to "have a bit of fun" again if the opportunity presents itself. It is very foolish to believe she's interested in more with you.

Emotions can get distorted and blown out of proportion but take a good look at the way she's treated Jamie. Ask yourself whether you could without a doubt trust her at all even if you two were the last people on earth. I personally wouldn't have anything to do with a person like that. She could backstab you at anytime just to save herself or if she feels she's entitled to more than what's fair to her. She's no partner and no friend. 

I'd suggest you focus on one thing at a time and leave C to her own devices.

You're in a vulnerable position preparing to break up with your long time partner and will have to deal with the legalities and fall out regarding juggling your kids (visitations/custody) and working out dividing assets.

Right now it may seem like it's all about your newfound romance and how C appears to have feelings for you. Wait six months or a year from now when things start to get very real and see whether you still feel the same way about this woman.

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If you can look Jamie in the eye and continue to lie to him and pretend to be his "best friend" with zero feelings of guilt...well, I have to say that's next level of being capable of deceit. 

I guess you can tell yourself you're doing it for him or whatever.

I do agree that ending your relationship is the right thing to do. You can work out a custody, visitation and support agreement. That way you can have all the (single) women you want without having to resort to cheating. 

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21 minutes ago, mwacuk said:

 I don't see what the benefit is of him ever finding out. 

Just end it here and now and take it to your graves with you. Why hurt everyone? In the meantime focus on what you want to do about your unhappy situation, let those two figure out their problems. You need to distance yourself from them.

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I hope Jamie finds out... :)

You don't see a benefit of him knowing because it wouldn't benefit you, would it?

Typical selfish cheater behaviour. I hope you never get in touch with Jamie and Chloe ever again. At least do your gf justice and break up with her asap instead of using her as some comfort blanket that makes your ego feel better. Be a man and step up for the kids at least.

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Are you sure you are choosing the right woman?  I know deep down you hope Chloe will divorce and you two can be together but the woman has no morals, heck less than you so is that someone you want to be in a relationship with? 

 Break up with your gf, spend some time alone and single and put plenty of distance between Chloe and her husband.

 Honestly I don't know how you can act like his best buddy while banging his wife.  You need to do some serious soul searching that is for sure.

 I wonder how many other guys Chloe has banged while married???  I doubt you weren't the first and with her lack of respect and honesty you will surely not be the last.

 Pretty sad really but at least your gf can one day find an honorable man.

 Lost

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Posted (edited)

You expect and wish for Jamie to support you through your pending break-up? Dude, you don’t deserve his support! How can you have the audacity to hope for that when you unethically and immorally engaged in an intimate relationship with his wife completely unbeknownst to him and when he gave you and his wife the honour of his precious trust while alway.

Do Jamie a favour and remove yourself from his life completely; you’re not an honourable friend to have around. Chloe certainly isn’t a good wife either, but that is none of your concern or within your control to action; you can only control your own behaviour and should only control your own behaviour.

To be clear, no one here is faulting you for having feelings for Chloe or having lost feelings for Gemma - things are what they are. What people have a problem with is your complete and utter lack of integrity, honour, decency, honesty, self-awareness and self-respect, and the respect for all those around you who are directly connected to both yours and Chloe’s families/lives.

Sort yourself out and have the decency to not ask for Jamie’s support while you finally do the right thing by Gemma and leave your charade of a relationship.

Edited by LotusBlack
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12 hours ago, mwacuk said:

Are you saying Chloe should end it with him just so he has the opportunity to meet a more loyal partner (and by extension friend)? 

Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. 

He deserves the opportunity to find a partner and a best friend who have his back and are trustworthy, respectful people who value him. 

The two of you are not those people anymore. 

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Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Chloe seems to want the best of both worlds which is incredibly disrespectful to both you and her husband. I'm referring to her proposal to "have a bit of fun" again if the opportunity presents itself. It is very foolish to believe she's interested in more with you.

Emotions can get distorted and blown out of proportion but take a good look at the way she's treated Jamie. Ask yourself whether you could without a doubt trust her at all even if you two were the last people on earth. I personally wouldn't have anything to do with a person like that. She could backstab you at anytime just to save herself or if she feels she's entitled to more than what's fair to her. She's no partner and no friend. 

I'd suggest you focus on one thing at a time and leave C to her own devices.

You're in a vulnerable position preparing to break up with your long time partner and will have to deal with the legalities and fall out regarding juggling your kids (visitations/custody) and working out dividing assets.

Right now it may seem like it's all about your newfound romance and how C appears to have feelings for you. Wait six months or a year from now when things start to get very real and see whether you still feel the same way about this woman.

I agree with this post. I think yes you're tired of the loveless relationship with Gemma and you're looking for real love. But I think the problem is you didn't actually find it with Chloe, you just think you did.

I think like the others have said, if Chloe was truly in love with you, she would leave Jamie for you. She basically told you that she won't leave him because she's still in love with him as well. She wants to only keep seeing you in secret and "have a bit of fun". Like other posters here said, I don't actually think she sees you as the love of her life but rather just as someone to have sex and have an affair with. I would guess that your feelings for her are a lot stronger than hers about you. 

The question is do you just want to continue being the side guy for Chloe? It's clear you're not happy with Gemma but there are still a lot more other women out there. I don't think it's very realistic to keep waiting for Chloe to leave Jamie because there's a high chance that's not going to happen. She could actually leave him now but she just doesn't want to. 

Also I know you're really infatuated with Chloe so you've got rose coloured glasses on. You said something along the lines of that your connection or depth of relationship with Chloe is better than her and Jamie. I know you'd like that to be the case but in reality it's probably not.

She's been with Jamie for many years, she chose to marry him and have kids with him. You haven't really been in "a relationship" with her. You had a short time together on the holiday and seen each other a few times since. I think realistically this "relationship" isn't super deep because you've only been together in a sense in some superficial settings, like hookup situations. It's not like you've lived together, gone on lots of dates, gone places, been through fights and ups and downs together. Everything seems perfect with Chloe because you just haven't had any time or chance to see the downsides or to find out if you truly are compatible.

Well, there is one HUGE obvious down side, she's married to your best friend lol

Edited by Tinydance
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