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New relationship, don't know if it makes sense


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Hello
I am sorry for my bad grammar but English is not my native language

I am confused and don't know what to do.
Since almost 2 months i am in a relationship with a Woman. 
The last weeks she always mentioned a coworker of us (we work together) how funny he is, tells me about the sexual allusions and sexual jokes they make, even when we are lying in bed together, they are writing all the time, they are flirting, she dreamed of him and so on. 
I already knew that before but since 3 or 4 weeks this is getting really intense. It's okay to flirt but I think this is getting too much. 
There is another friend of her and she told me that they were talking/joking about that she has a tight *** and he said how dirty she is. 
Last week I met this guy and when I was outside the room I saw that she is holding or stroking his arm for a long time then they had a long, intimate(looked to me like that) hug. Don't know what to think about that
I know that i am a bit insecure and that I am not that good at controlling my emotions but I feel like it's okay that i am not okay with this in a relationship. Furthermore that's kinda disrespectful to me. 
So I talked to her and she apologized, told me that she understands my point but we still didn't talk about what we will do now. 

I love her and we have a great time together but I am really confused about what to think. 
I don't know how to asses this situation and if I can handle this when she is like this to other men. I just don't know if this relationship makes sense. 

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I dont know how she looks at your relationship. But she doesnt respect you. Otherwise she wouldnt openly told you how she flirts and even dreams about coworker. That is a big red flag over there. Not only she actively thinks about other guy but she has no morals to even hide that but does it so openly. To the point she even gets into physical contact in front of you with him. 

She understands your points. She wont do squat about it. If she isnt in bed with that guy already, she will be. Only now she maybe hides it from you. Her whole behavior is unacceptable. And your best bet would be to just dump her. Then she can freely explore her options with coworker. But without you in the picture as somebody who copes with her bad behavior while she openly cheats or at least tries to.

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Hey there,

So, it's really good that you guys talked about it - BUT, I believe you need to take that discussion further. 

It should be more than a simple "you did this" and she responding with a "oops, sorry." Further resolution is needed. 

For example - what are both of your boundaries? Have you two ever sat down and discussed what each of you will put up with, and what each of you will never tolerate? 

Your discussion seemed like more of a band aid to me - not a solution to the long term problem. 

My opinion - this relationship is very young and it doesn't seem like you two are on the same page. Furthermore, she wasn't particularly disturbed that you felt uneasy about her flirting. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period of dating, when you both send each other silly, flirty, explicit texts and giggle over them and sigh happily in thinking about each other. It ain't gonna get better or easier, my dude. Best to split up now while you can. Good luck.

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This woman is not as into you as you are into her. 

If she were, there is no way she'd be carrying on with other men like this - and especially not in your presence. She is disrespectful, no doubt. But more importantly, her interest level just isn't where yours is. 

I would preserve your dignity and end this now. It's not going to last anyway. She is in no way ready for a committed relationship. 

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4 hours ago, David55876 said:

There is another friend of her and she told me that they were talking/joking about that she has a tight *** and he said how dirty she is. 
Last week I met this guy and when I was outside the room I saw that she is holding or stroking his arm for a long time then they had a long, intimate(looked to me like that) hug

Comon dude. You can do better. This woman does not respect you nor deserve you. What she does is beyond inappropriate and completely inconsiderate of you and your feelings. She likes the other guy and is sticking out with you for whatever is her own selfish reason.

Get yourself some self-respect and run.

She's just not worth it. You deserve loyalty and to feel like a priority.

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Maybe this is a fetish of hers. You're not ok with it so both of you aren't compatible.

Both of you don't seem to have enough understanding between one another so stop sleeping with her or seeing her. You can talk about it until the cows come home but she's also shown you her true nature or what she prefers to do. 

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You love this woman after being with her for 2 months, but it's obvious she doesn't share your feelings otherwise she wouldn't behave like this and have the cheek to throw it in your face.  Whatever she's saying to your face, she's likely doing worse behind your back.  Regain your self-respect and tell her she's free to be with whomever she wishes, but it's not going to be you.

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I wouldn't bother asking her -after only 2 months -why she speaks to you in such a tacky, classless, thoughtful and disrespectful way.  Who cares why? She's into this other guy too or more than you, she's open about it and in a gross way unless it's you two getting thrills from "talking dirty" -doesn't sound like that at all - so cut her loose and let her find her own people who have values -or lack of values -like her.

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Thanks for all your answers. 

I wasn't sure if am just overreacting but you confirmed my worries. 

We've known each other for a long time, but we were only friends. We are spending time since 4 months and I am pretty sure that she's in love with me. 

She always tells me how much she likes me and how happy she is with me. She also is into me quite a long time. That's why this whole situation confuses me that much. 

I will talk to her one more time, get my points clear and tell her that she can't do that to me. If it doenst fit I need to leave her. 

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15 minutes ago, David55876 said:

I will talk to her one more time, get my points clear and tell her that she can't do that to me. If it doenst fit I need to leave her. 

Unfortunately you can't tell her who to talk to or text or talk about. What you can do is observe how thirsty is she for male sexual attention.

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28 minutes ago, David55876 said:

Thanks for all your answers. 

I wasn't sure if am just overreacting but you confirmed my worries. 

We've known each other for a long time, but we were only friends. We are spending time since 4 months and I am pretty sure that she's in love with me. 

She always tells me how much she likes me and how happy she is with me. She also is into me quite a long time. That's why this whole situation confuses me that much. 

I will talk to her one more time, get my points clear and tell her that she can't do that to me. If it doenst fit I need to leave her. 

Watch the feet not the lips. What she does not what she says.  What she does is act disrespectfully -she uses disrespectful language- words- and follows up with actions as you wrote.  It's not confusing.  The confusion is created by you.  You are lying to yourself and unwilling to see that this is basic and simple.  What's hard is breaking away.

Here is an example.  What if I told you "I am such a thoughtful person to people who serve me like rideshare drivers.  They work sooooooo hard and in bad weather and bad traffic!"  Then let's say you saw me go on the rideshare app and decline to give a tip and give a driver one out of five stars because I didn't like the driver's looks.  So which would you believe?

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31 minutes ago, David55876 said:

Thanks for all your answers. 

I wasn't sure if am just overreacting but you confirmed my worries. 

We've known each other for a long time, but we were only friends. We are spending time since 4 months and I am pretty sure that she's in love with me. 

She always tells me how much she likes me and how happy she is with me. She also is into me quite a long time. That's why this whole situation confuses me that much. 

I will talk to her one more time, get my points clear and tell her that she can't do that to me. If it doenst fit I need to leave her. 

Please don't "talk" to this person -you are not her mother or her therapist.  She knows exactly what she is doing.  You can talk like this:  I do not like how you treat me.  I feel disrespected.  I don't think we have enough in common to keep dating.  I wish you well."

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This is who she is: someone who's not ready to be in a mature, exclusive relationship.

When you ask someone to be who they are not, they will only end up feeling bitter towards you. 

The secret to relationship happiness is to choose and remain with a person whom you don't have to ask to change in a major way. And basically, she has a right to be who she is because that's what apparently makes her happy right now. It's wrong of you to ask her to change.

Basically, as others have said, you're incompatible. When someone makes you regularly upset, that's usually a sign of incompatibility. There are minor issues couples can work on, but your issue is not minor and should be a dealbreaker.

P.S. This is not love. It's called infatuation after only being together 60 days. With no further contact, you should be able to stop thinking of her daily after 4 or 5 months and can be single to find someone who matches you. If possible, find a new job so you won't have the awkwardness of having to see one another every day. But if that's not possible, just be pleasant with a hello when you have to see her, just as you would any other co-worker. Take care.

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28 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Please don't "talk" to this person -you are not her mother or her therapist.  She knows exactly what she is doing.  You can talk like this:  I do not like how you treat me.  I feel disrespected.  I don't think we have enough in common to keep dating.  I wish you well."

Thats what I actually meant by talking to her.  I think I don't want to realise that this relationship doesn't make sense like that. It's the first time in years that I've been able to let a women get this close to me. 

Thanks for your advice. 

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That's ok. Don't overromanticize this as there will be other women. It's better that you recognize character traits early on. In future don't overinvest too early in someone or assume that they relate/are similar/are compatible with you in other areas after being closely intimate. 

She's absolutely entitled to do whatever she wishes with herself. You're also free to pick your company. 

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1 hour ago, David55876 said:

I am pretty sure that she's in love with me. 

She always tells me how much she likes me and how happy she is with me.

She also tells you about how she makes sexual jokes with her coworker, how they flirt together, and how she dreams of him. And she also tells you how her other male friend calls her "dirty" and says she has a "tight ***. " And you've also caught her sharing a long, intimate hug with him that included stroking.

Of course you're confused: you're forcing yourself to believe that she's in love with you when she clearly isn't. She's simply very sexual and very liberal with her affections.

If you get it out of your head that she's in love with you, you'll be a lot less confused. I promise.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, David55876 said:

Thanks for all your answers. 

I wasn't sure if am just overreacting but you confirmed my worries. 

We've known each other for a long time, but we were only friends. We are spending time since 4 months and I am pretty sure that she's in love with me. 

She always tells me how much she likes me and how happy she is with me. She also is into me quite a long time. That's why this whole situation confuses me that much. 

I will talk to her one more time, get my points clear and tell her that she can't do that to me. If it doenst fit I need to leave her. 

Nope....a woman in love would never talk like that, but a woman that is putting distance between you and her will. She's setting a boundary that she's keeping this relationship as short term/not committed. Enjoy being her bed buddy.

Edited by smackie9
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45 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Nope....a woman in love would never talk like that, but a woman that is putting distance between you and her will. She's setting a boundary that she's keeping this relationship as short term/not committed. Enjoy being her bed buddy.

So sorry this is happening to you.  Waaaayyyyyy back in the day when I was a troubled lass I would do stuff like this (and can vouch for the folks who say she means no good).  So... what others are saying, I echo.  Please take back your affections and reserve them for someone worthy while you work on enjoying your life.

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3 hours ago, David55876 said:

 We are spending time since 4 months and I am pretty sure that she's in love with me

This isn’t how a woman in love behaves, OP. 

You are wasting your time having these talks with her. Just get rid of her and find a woman who behaves like you matter. 

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2 hours ago, David55876 said:

Thats what I actually meant by talking to her.  I think I don't want to realise that this relationship doesn't make sense like that. It's the first time in years that I've been able to let a women get this close to me. 

Thanks for your advice. 

Ok so talk to her to tell her you don't want to see her anymore.  You're not close to her -you feel close.  She does not -if she did she would act in a caring and respectful way. I'm sorry.

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