What would you do in this FACEBOOK/Match.com situation?

[boltnrun]

27 minutes ago, Cumbrian Tom said:

What wrong with messaging someone on Facebook? Using direct messaging is pretty common these days

That isn't what my comment was about. I said starting out with a lie is bad. I also asked if you have seen her on any of the free dating sites.

Look, you've already decided to do the Facebook message. So when are you going to message her? 

[Wiseman2]

Sliding into DMs is common, however at this point you know nothing about her, really.

[Andrina]

I don't even know why a 21 year old is on a dating site. That's the time of life you're usually already meeting a huge population of singles in your age group.

[boltnrun]

Your question was "what would YOU do?" 

I would not Facebook message. I would either pay for the dating site or look for others to message on the dating site.

That's what I would do.

[jul-els]

It’s an awkward and weird approach and a super long shot, but you’ve got nothing to lose if that’s what you want to do. I wouldn’t expect anything to come of it. 
 

If you’re that interested, I’d say just spring for the membership and if she doesn’t answer there’s lots of other people there you might be interested in as well. 

[Rose Mosse]

What I'm not understanding is why haven't you done it already if it's something you feel is fine to do. She can block you if she doesn't want that attention and you don't know this woman. You're spending far too much time thinking about this when you don't know her. 

The main takeaway here is do not overinvest or spend too much time on strangers you haven't met. 

I agree with some of the points in the thread especially that one about not being able to afford a membership suggesting you may not be able to afford to date or maybe aren't in a good place right now. This is completely ok. Come back at another time. Don't spend your precious energies either way thinking too hard about this. 

 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

What I'm not understanding is why haven't you done it already if it's something you feel is fine to do. She can block you if she doesn't want that attention and you don't know this woman. You're spending far too much time thinking about this when you don't know her. 

The main takeaway here is do not overinvest or spend too much time on strangers you haven't met. 

I agree with some of the points in the thread especially that one about not being able to afford a membership suggesting you may not be able to afford to date or maybe aren't in a good place right now. This is completely ok. Come back at another time. Don't spend your precious energies either way thinking too hard about this. 

 

But the problem is he plans to lie to her as to how he decided to contact her.  When I was contacted like this the person was honest that he had seen me on a dating site and wasn't a member so he found me this other way.

[lavender899]

On 5/20/2022 at 9:30 AM, Cumbrian Tom said:

She hasn't taken these steps. She's on a public social networking site so can hardly complain. 

 

I feel it varies by person. Would you find it odd if someone say's hi when they pass you in the street?

A stranger yes. 

[lavender899]

On 5/20/2022 at 10:35 AM, Cumbrian Tom said:

I'm 20 and she is 21. It's not like I am trying to message a 30 year old. I've decided to drop the 'met you on a dating site and say that she was in my recommended feed (she does live just outside my town). 

Either way she will see right through it if she's got a brain.

Men use all kinds of weird lines and excuses to get closer to an attractive woman.

[waffle]

On 5/20/2022 at 4:27 AM, Cumbrian Tom said:

She has a pretty rare first name and the dating app tells you her town. 

 

In a similar way you would look up a someone from a business event e.g. a conference speaker using their first name and place of work. 

YIKES! 

To play devil's advocate, if she is dumb enough to put pictures and her real first name out there for all to see, then frankly she's probably already been stalked by others and has come to expect it.  It's part and parcel of not being very careful with your personal information.

[Tinydance]

14 hours ago, waffle said:

YIKES! 

To play devil's advocate, if she is dumb enough to put pictures and her real first name out there for all to see, then frankly she's probably already been stalked by others and has come to expect it.  It's part and parcel of not being very careful with your personal information.

Actually a lot of websites do ask you to put your real first name. I mean, it wouldn't be a good look to lie what your first name is. OP said she actually has an unusual name.

[waffle]

On 5/23/2022 at 3:55 AM, Tinydance said:

Actually a lot of websites do ask you to put your real first name. I mean, it wouldn't be a good look to lie what your first name is. OP said she actually has an unusual name.

They can ask all day but they can't force someone to give out their personal details. 

If someone has an unusual name, that is all the more reason to not give out your real name.  Who cares if it doesn't "look good" to a bunch of clowns that aren't being truthful about much themselves as it is?

[waffle]

What I'm saying is if someone puts info out there publicly and makes themselves traceable, especially someone with unusual details, then they can't be surprised when people look them up and contact them via other means.  So I change my answer: go ahead and contact her on her FB or social media in general.  You know others are.