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What does my ex want?


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My ex (27M) and I (26M) broke up around 3 years ago (we are in our mid 20s) 

Since then I've been in a serious relationship with only one guy and he has casually dated 2 girls. 

It's weird but each year we often end up talking to each out for around a month max (through phone only) we have not seen each other. It's either I reach out or he does and when things go south I block his number 

We talk and confide in each other but the conversations would lead to him wondering if we should get back together, and I tell him we can't because we are bad for each other and cannot be together even though I know he's such a good guy. He comes from an abusive home and struggles with drug addiction but he's also very smart and independent. This was one of the reasons we broke up, and our mutual friends said I was a trigger and not good for him. But it's been so long and he never gave up on me. Whenever I called him he always answered and listened to me and then gave advice 

He never forgot my birthday and he bought me a necklace a year after the break up and once or twice a plushy for Christmas by leaving them outside my door but never coming in. 

At some point my new bf and my ex had met. My ex then spoke to me and said he didn't think my new bf was genuine and that my new bf tried to hook up with one of his (my exes) female friends, and he told me to be careful. I got pissed at my ex and blocked him and told him not to meddle in my life because he was no one to me anymore. 

a year later after my new bf and I broke up, he told me he initiated gl meet my ex to discuss about me but my ex stood up for me. My ex always defended and spoke highly of me infront of mutual friends, and blamed himself for how every thing ended. 

I noticed he didn't message me in months so I texted him but when I figured he won't respond I deleted the messages. He never even saw them 

Then suddenly this year I got a call from a number but when I said hello it closed. I called back 3 times and still no answer, and then he called and said hi I got a call from this number? I said really?.and he was shocked, he said that was his work number and called by mistake because I have the same name as one of his clients and he apologized but said it was nice to hear my voice. We ended up talking for a long time and he said he will travel probably to join his new girlfriend who moved but also that he wants to continue studying elsewhere. He was friendly but when I brought up our past he cried and asked me not to remind him because it hurts a lot and he was very sorry and wished he could turn back time 

I told him I was never able to love again and that all I do is focus on myself Then he acknowledged that he was hoping we could get back together before but realized it's wrong and we are better off apart. 

When the call ended he texted again the next day saying he wanted to give me something small (I remember in the call I asked him if he knows where I can buy it) I said no and that I can buy it myself. I felt he was offended and he said he wanted to ask for my permission first before dropping something off as not to cross boundaries   

Then he texted again , he apologized and said it was only to make me smile. And he wants to leave the door open and be there as a friend. He thanked me for making him feel alive and said how special I was to everyone and wishes me to have a strong career, a loving husband, kids and achieve all my dreams 

I don't understand him. Does he still love me romantically or is he just being friendly? Or is he being manipulative? 

I don't know if I should reply back or ignore or what to say...

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I think you should stop chasing drama.  It doesn't matter if he has loving feelings for you or if you think he does.  He is your ex and you're being dishonest with yourself each time you stay in touch with him and each time you make excuses to yourself about how it's just so he can get you something to drop off, etc.  I would reply with a polite, short -very short! -message to end contact.  And then stick to it.  And ask yourself why you're so interested in this trainwreck of interactions with him.  Do you have enough going on in your life so you're not tempted to chase him and the drama it causes?  

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40 minutes ago, Sammie246 said:

My ex (27M) and I (26M) I've been in a serious relationship with only one guy and he has casually dated 2 girls. 

He comes from an abusive home and struggles with drug addiction

Unfortunately this will be a difficult friendship to maintain. Because he is bi (you are strictly gay?)and has addiction  issues. Make a clean break if a relationship is your goal.

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He's saying goodbye and wishes you well but seems conflicted and that's why it appears manipulative.

I think he has a very weak resolve and wants to do the right thing, has not enough strength or resolve to do so. The overall I'm getting from what he's telling you is that he's moving on and wants you to move on as well. The conflict is in mentioning he wants to stay friends or "leave the door open". 

I wouldn't respond. Take the words as a goodbye, cherish the memories and move on. Live fully and don't look back.

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1 hour ago, Sammie246 said:

Does he still love me romantically or is he just being friendly? Or is he being manipulative? 

Does it matter anymore?

You yourself said you can't get back together with him. So does it change anything, how he feels about you?

It's unclear why you engage in this dysfunctional dance, but you seem to do it just as much as he does. What are you getting out of this? 

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Sammie246 said:

I noticed he didn't message me in months so I texted him but when I figured he won't respond I deleted the messages. He never even saw them 

- YOU texted him - so it seems like it's more YOU who can't leave all alone...

 

3 hours ago, Sammie246 said:

I told him I was never able to love again and that all I do is focus on myself Then he acknowledged that he was hoping we could get back together before but realized it's wrong and we are better off apart. 

- I agree, you were informed that you're more a trigger for him, which doesn't help.

 

3 hours ago, Sammie246 said:

I don't understand him. Does he still love me romantically or is he just being friendly? Or is he being manipulative? 

 

I don't see where any manipulation is happening here?

- I say he's being friendly.  He's admitted to you that he's dating someone now.  He's accepted all & has given up now with any expectations with you.  And has offered you a 'friendship'.

If you can't handle it, then be done now - totally!  But stop assuming he's chasing you for something, Hes not.

 

 

Edited by SooSad33
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3 hours ago, Sammie246 said:

Then he texted again , he apologized and said it was only to make me smile. And he wants to leave the door open and be there as a friend. He thanked me for making him feel alive and said how special I was to everyone and wishes me to have a strong career, a loving husband, kids and achieve all my dreams 

 

I think he is full of BS lol

He told you this after you havent heard in a year, that is way too much intensity. You are both hung up on something that has proven to be bad for both. He admitted you are bad for him and he even tried to break up your ex and you. And yet you both get hung up there like a couple of teens. Dont have any kind of relations with person like that. That is not healthy relations or boundary, whether as a partner or a friend and you both are far better without each other.

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You two have long since parted but still dance around an intimate connection.  It's not healthy or fair for either of your relationships, past or present.  And you can't be friends when you still have lingering romantic feelings for each other.

I agree with a previous response.  Why continue to add fire to this ongoing drama that clearly isn't going anywhere?  The healthiest thing to do is to close this door and put this behind to the both of you.  It would help you both to sever any ties and put that energy in your much deserving current partners.

How would you feel if your partner continued on for years engaging in an emotionally charged relationship with an ex?  It's considered emotionally cheating.

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