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I'm really unsure of what to do


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So I started online dating but wasn't really looking for anything in particular. I've been talking to a few guys, and then one day I matched with someone and the conversation started really good. I was really attracted to him and we would text back and forth pretty much all day (I'm really bad at texting anyone so this was nice). The conversation turned sexual very fast but I was cool with it since it was supposed to be casual. We meet on a date this past week and it was way better than I could have ever imagined. We hit it off immediately and you could tell there was a lot of chemistry between us. We're very compatible. We hooked up and the sex was really great too. 

Since then he has invited me to come back over every night since then, but things have come up and he's had to cancel each night so I haven't seen him yet. The problem is that I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I've tried to go on dates with other guys and I'm just not excited about them. Also, he hasn't been texting me as much the past couple of days. He asked me if I wanted to go out with him today this morning, and I told him yes, but he hasn't responded since then. I feel like I should probably just stop seeing him. I really need some advice right now! 

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You probably grew attached quickly and you're his back up but what he really wants is someone either more attractive or someone he has more chemistry with in bed/in person/for dating. 

It's better you distance yourself and stop receiving his invites. You're quite low on his list of priorities even for casual dating.

 

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, femmefatalty said:

So I started online dating but wasn't really looking for anything in particular. I've been talking to a few guys, and then one day I matched with someone and the conversation started really good. I was really attracted to him and we would text back and forth pretty much all day (I'm really bad at texting anyone so this was nice). The conversation turned sexual very fast but I was cool with it since it was supposed to be casual. We meet on a date this past week and it was way better than I could have ever imagined. We hit it off immediately and you could tell there was a lot of chemistry between us. We're very compatible. We hooked up and the sex was really great too. 

Since then he has invited me to come back over every night since then, but things have come up and he's had to cancel each night so I haven't seen him yet. The problem is that I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I've tried to go on dates with other guys and I'm just not excited about them. Also, he hasn't been texting me as much the past couple of days. He asked me if I wanted to go out with him today this morning, and I told him yes, but he hasn't responded since then. I feel like I should probably just stop seeing him. I really need some advice right now! 

If it's casual you can't  expect relationship  type commitment. Its obvious that's the way he's  treating it i.e very casually. Since you guys hooked up already and you essentially gave it up pretty easily. He will just see you as someone he can conveniently see when he feels like it, then drop you like  hot cakes when he can't be bothered.

Sorry to say. 

You're better off seeing it for what it is rather  than getting too invested and torturing yourself 

 

Edited by lavender899
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Are you looking just for sex also or you're looking for a relationship? If you want a relationship I don't think you'll get it with this guy because he just wants sex. The reason why he's not replying to you much is because he just wants hookup and not interested in anything else. I think he did basically show that straight away by turning the conversation sexual online and then wanted to have sex on the first date. Unfortunately I think you've caught feels but he hasn't. So unless you just want no strings sex you probably should stop seeing him, as you said.

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8 hours ago, femmefatalty said:

We hooked up and the sex was really great too. 

Since then he has invited me to come back over every night since then, but things have come up and he's had to cancel each night so I haven't seen him yet.

It was fun while it lasted. Either you accept being a casual sex partner to him with no commitments, or your look for someone else to date and be serious with. You were both clear in the beginning that it is all casual.

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2 hours ago, limichelle said:

It sounds like he got what he wanted and is stringing you along with empty promises of hanging out again.  would move on

Agree. Unfortunately this was a one and done hookup. He may stay on the radar for sex, but he's not interested in a relationship.

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You're not dating him.  You arranged to meet up for sex after sexting.  And you had a great time and enjoyed the sex.  So you received exactly what you signed up for.  Don't tell yourself stories about how you went on a date (a first meet isn't a date) -the story is you got attached through having intercourse with this stranger (and luckily you didn't get assaulted or raped or other crime victim stuff from being alone with a stranger) and now you are reacting to feeling attached by focusing intensely on this person who may or may not choose to meet up with you again for sex. 

So you choose now.  Choice one is you keep focusing on the guy you had sex with who may or may not want to have sex with you again in the future, or you get busy living your life, let this casual sex thing fade into the universe over time and then you might be ready to reach out and meet people to date in person - whether through on line or elsewhere. 

If you would like to get to know someone in person as a person my suggestion is to meet in person ASAP, avoid sexting with strangers, meet in a public place and choose to wait before having sex since you seem to get attached through sex.  Good luck!

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As soon as conversation turned sexual you could have guessed his intentions. Also he invites you to come back to his appartment and not on dates. So, that guy is aftering just one thing.

Its pretty easy to get attached, especially with somebody you feel connected. However, you would need to recignize some patterns and avoid them. Lots of people would just after hookups.

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The chemistry was great because he is a master at creating it to get sex. He's done this many times and I'm pretty sure he has had more since then. He's a player of sorts. He's keeping you in his back pocket if nothing else is available to him. That's as casual as it gets.

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15 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

The chemistry was great because he is a master at creating it to get sex. He's done this many times and I'm pretty sure he has had more since then. He's a player of sorts. He's keeping you in his back pocket if nothing else is available to him. That's as casual as it gets.

Exactly. 

And you wanted casual in the first place, OP, so try not to be so surprised if someone doesn't prioritize you or chooses to fade you out if the sex isn't that good (for him) or he wants to explore other options. 

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1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

The chemistry was great because he is a master at creating it to get sex. He's done this many times and I'm pretty sure he has had more since then. He's a player of sorts. He's keeping you in his back pocket if nothing else is available to him. That's as casual as it gets.

I am not a fan of judging either of them.  She was eyes wide open here.  She had fun.  She liked the sex.  He's not necessarily a player and neither is she.  Two people who wanted to meet up for sex. She then realized later she had feelings.  So now she wants more it seems.  Not his fault.

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IMO, yes, you seemed to come to like this guy.  But is possible he see's you as a bed buddy basically.

As you also admitted, you see it as 'casual'?

Okay, well if you fancy this one. not sure why you're still considering dating others at this time?  Do you feel you have to?

Just take it easy with expectations, as you hardly know him yet..right?  I've known a few like this.. lasted a short while before they'd go distant.

IF you feel you may be getting feelings ( as it's so often more the woman, than the man), May be an idea to discuss being exclusive soon- so you won't be over disappointed should he not want that.

 

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21 hours ago, femmefatalty said:

The conversation turned sexual very fast but I was cool with it since it was supposed to be casual.

What exactly is your definition of a casual relationship? The problem might be that it's too loosey-goosey in your mind and you haven't thoroughly thought it through. Decide exactly what you want when it comes to your dating life, and don't date guys that don't match you as per your relationship goals.

And of course, it's okay to change your mind if what you thought you wanted isn't satisfactory, and to change the parameters and tweak your goals to your new standards.

As far as what happened with this guy, sounds like you were the one to make the effort to drive to his house, and then he requested you be the one to again use your gas money and do the driving yet again to have the privilege of being in his company. Canceling is the cherry on top of not a sundae, but rotting garbage.

You really can't expect someone who makes zero effort except a sex text here and there to meet your needs. You're expected to be the only one to drive his way for the sole purpose of knocking boots. I don't think this is what you want since you're writing on a forum about him. Be real with yourself. If he's the only man who has excited you lately, your self worth is so low you subconsciously think he's all you deserve in life.

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To answer some of your questions~

I don't want a relationship. I definitely don't want one with this person for various reasons. I also don't have any expectations of him thinking of me as more than anything causal. 

I want to continue seeing him casually, but I felt that may be a bad idea since I was thinking about him a lot. I don't think I have feelings for him, as we've only meet once and I barely know him lol. I need to know get to know someone more before I can say that. I was just unsure of whether I should see him again or not. 

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If you think about him a lot, you don't feel "casual" about him. You'd basically only think about him when you feel horny and want to get some sex 

I've had an FWB (we were legit friends first albeit very flirtatious friends) and I literally never thought about him unless I wanted some. Or if he contacted me wanting to hook up. It was fun but I certainly didn't get upset if we didn't see one another for several months.

I would recommend you be 100% honest with yourself about what you are hoping will happen with this guy.

Also, I hope since you're having hookups with men you don't know, you're having these men use condoms and you're telling someone else where you're going. Just in case 

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24 minutes ago, femmefatalty said:

To answer some of your questions~

I don't want a relationship. I definitely don't want one with this person for various reasons. I also don't have any expectations of him thinking of me as more than anything causal. 

I want to continue seeing him casually, but I felt that may be a bad idea since I was thinking about him a lot. I don't think I have feelings for him, as we've only meet once and I barely know him lol. I need to know get to know someone more before I can say that. I was just unsure of whether I should see him again or not. 

You should see him if you feel you can compartmentalize your feelings and if the great sex is worth the risk of getting attached.  

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1 hour ago, femmefatalty said:

To answer some of your questions~

I don't want a relationship. I definitely don't want one with this person for various reasons. I also don't have any expectations of him thinking of me as more than anything causal. 

I want to continue seeing him casually, but I felt that may be a bad idea since I was thinking about him a lot. I don't think I have feelings for him, as we've only meet once and I barely know him lol. I need to know get to know someone more before I can say that. I was just unsure of whether I should see him again or not. 

Well thinking about someone  a lot usually equates to feelings. Some people have feelings for others really quickly. 

Hes already started cancelling on you. Im predicting more of this in the future. If you can live with that go for it.

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Hate to say, you just aren't being as casual as you think you are with this guy. But more directly, if you are over thinking about him, and he's doing nothing more than keeping you on the hook; is he worth the effort?

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Posted (edited)
17 hours ago, femmefatalty said:

I want to continue seeing him casually, but I felt that may be a bad idea since I was thinking about him a lot. I don't think I have feelings for him, as we've only meet once and I barely know him lol. I need to know get to know someone more before I can say that. I was just unsure of whether I should see him again or not. 

You’ve tried to see him again and it hasn’t worked out because he cancels. Or doesn’t respond. 

At some point weigh whether this is worth the hassle as he’s not reliable for much of anything.

Edited by Rose Mosse
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It could partly because you are becoming attached.  But no one's ego likes rejection or appreciates being stood up. 

It may very well not be about liking this guy, but more about wanting validation that you are at least worth showing up for.  Your left wondering if you're not enough.  Pretty sure you weren't signing up for that even if you were looking for something casual.

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