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Do I have the right to be upset?


kim905
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Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, kim905 said:

Also, we are exclusive and we both deleted the dating app. 

We are both single and she said she wants to be official once we have our first argument/fight to see how I handle disagreement. 

She wants to be official once you have your first fight? In all honesty, what the heck?! Either she wants to move things forward and be with you or she doesn't.

Plus this whole thing about being exclusive but single, isn't that a paradox? Maybe I just don't get it. Dating someone exclusively for 7 months means you're not available to date others. Whereas single people are able to date whomever they want.

What kind of woman do you want to be with? Assess whether she's a fit, then act accordingly.

Edited by greendots
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What LootieTootie said above.

Negotiating someone else's behavior/proper treatment, never works.  They are who they are and they act how they act, your choices are 1) accept, or 2) reject.  Don't hand down ultimatums and second chances hoping she'll "change" (and using words like "disrespect" and "priority" are vague anyway, and will get you no where), decide if this is what you want and if not, then bye.

It may be a moot point as she may be on her way out of the relationship anyway.

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3 hours ago, kim905 said:

we have dinner together this coming Saturday, so I am gonna ask her and tell her how I felt. 

If she tells me everything and tells me that she didn't see another guy or sleep with a random dude, then I might give her a second chance if she can promise on few things like 

1) not be disrespectful 

2) make me her priority 

If you're going to see her this Saturday, I'd keep it more openended and less accusatory. You may find out that she's not as interested in continuing the relationship but it won't develop into an argument or something inappropriate like you lecturing her about how to be less disrespectful. 

You may also find out more of her reasons for going on the vacation and make your decisions less based on emotion and more on logic - try to weigh what you want or would like out of a romantic relationship. You also won't be apologizing for sounding heavyhanded or rude. 

Good luck this Saturday and let us know how it goes.

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Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, kim905 said:

So, she landed a new job, but I guess she decided to take a vacation before starting a new role. 

Also, we are exclusive and we both deleted the dating app. 

We are both single and she said she wants to be official once we have our first argument/fight to see how I handle disagreement. 

She dated someone for a year who seemed perfect until they had the first fight

Sorry but this is weird. It doesn't really make sense. Some people don't really have fights or arguments for a long time in a relationship. Some people's relationships are pretty smooth and they hardly fight. You could go a year or more without a fight and she still wouldn't consider you to be official?

I could be wrong because I don't know her of course but I think maybe she's not really that into you. The reason she gave you for not being official sounds far fetched.

Also she knew you wanted to go on a holiday and said because she's changing jobs it's probably not possible. But it was very possible, wasn't it? Because she went on holiday alone, without you, and she didn't even tell you about it. And you said she wasn't really replying to your messages and you didn't know why. I'm sorry but this doesn't really sound like someone who really likes you after seven months together.

I know you're going to talk to her at dinner and I definitely think you should. Maybe you should bring up the being official topic and why she just went on the trip without you and never mentioned it? And see what she says. Personally if it was me and I'm looking for marriage (you mentioned marriage) then why waste your time on someone who's not completely invested in you?

Edited by Tinydance
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It would be a nope for me! I don’t care if I’m not official with the person yet, respect is a big deal along with communication. She sounds flighty at best but self centered. I get the feeling there’s more to this ‘Hawaii vacation.’ Like others suggested, she could be seeing someone else or didn’t really go to Hawaii. Any excuse to not be close by. 
 

I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for her. I’m sorry op it sounds like you’re far more invested. 

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Posted (edited)
8 hours ago, kim905 said:

I might give her a second chance if she can promise on few things like 

1) not be disrespectful 

2) make me her priority 

I would not do this. 

Why? When you have to make someone promise to care more and pay more attention to you...you're with someone who just isn't that into you. Someone who truly likes you and wants to be with you is going to make your a priority and behave respectfully of their own volition, and not because you asked them to. 

She is showing you very clearly how little she values your position in her life. You're an after-thought, sadly. After 7 months. It hurts, but you need to read the writing on the wall here. 

Edited by MissCanuck
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11 hours ago, kim905 said:

If she tells me everything and tells me that she didn't see another guy or sleep with a random dude, then I might give her a second chance .

Do you really need to wait for this to make a decision?

You already know you're not a priority.

You already know she snuck off without telling you.

You already know she's not in Hawaii alone.

It's 7 mos. you were a rebound. Cut your losses.

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What she did was incredibly inconsiderate. IMO she purposely said she wouldn't be available for a vacation and that was a total lie now wasn't it?  That's very deceitful. If you let this go you are opening yourself to more of these kinds of lies. It's just wrong to be treated like that. Cut your losses and dump her.

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Just now, kim905 said:

Thank you for all of your concerns. I am going to meet her in person then tell her it's over. I am glad that I only wasted 7 months of my life instead of giving her half of my assets in divorce. 

Good call. Have you even heard from her?

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