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Posted (edited)

I went on two dates with this girl. I posted about her recently, things seemed to go fine each time and she seemed eager to meet. Recently, she asked me to go to a museum on Saturday after we hung out last Tuesday.

But it was scheduled to rained that day and she cancelled the day before. I told her I would check in with her incase it doesn’t rain but it ended up raining and then I asked her if she wanted to do something during the week. She replied letting me know her schedule.

It’s thursday night and she hasn’t let me know when’s she available to do something. She doesn’t have a particularly busy life, she works and goes to go the gym after work. My gut feeling is she’s either hanging out with friends or dating other people.

I know it’s soon but I felt like things were moving along smoothly and now it’s radio silence. I want to reach out, but I don’t want to act desperate and I feel like I left the ball in her court. 

What would you do in my situation?

Edited by junebug123
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3 hours ago, junebug123 said:

She replied letting me know her schedule.

It’s thursday night and she hasn’t let me know when’s she available to do something.

I'm a little confused. She let you know her schedule, but you don't know when she's free? 

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Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, junebug123 said:

What would you do in my situation?

I would reach out. Don't overthink it. At the most, she responds that she forgot and you both have a great time on a third date. At the very least, you find out that she's not interested or doesn't feel it's a match. 

It's safe to assume that most are dating other people especially if you met via a dating app. People can be easily distracted and very, very few individuals see one person at a time. 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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Posted (edited)
28 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

I would reach out. Don't overthink it. At the most, she responds that she forgot and you both have a great time on a third date. At the very least, you find out that she's not interested or doesn't feel it's a match. 

It's safe to assume that most are dating other people especially if you met via a dating app. People can be easily distracted and very, very few individuals see one person at a time. 

I didn’t meet her through a dating app. It was through a mutual acquaintance and I asked her when we first when our if she was seeing anyone to which she replied no.

Of course she could be lying which is what I would probably do if I was dating someone.

Im afraid if I reach out I will come across desperate and needy. I feel like that happens too much to me. If she’s going to ghost me then fine, I don’t know why I have to play these dumb games with women.

More often then not I feel like they respond more to being ignored, I can’t imagine that she’s distracted as I’ve already seen her on three occasions and this is the longest period of time that has gone by without us seeing each other.

I just feel like she’s either pulling away or doesn’t care. I don’t know why I’m stressing her, this is so annoying. You think I’m overthinking it, but what if by reaching out I’m just sabotaging myself.

Edited by junebug123
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15 minutes ago, junebug123 said:

I didn’t meet her through a dating app. It was through a mutual acquaintance and I asked her when we first when our if she was seeing anyone to which she replied no.

Of course she could be lying which is what I would probably do if I was dating someone.

Im afraid if I reach out I will come across desperate and needy. I feel like that happens too much to me. If she’s going to ghost me then fine, I don’t know why I have to play these dumb games with women.

More often then not I feel like they respond more to being ignored, I can’t imagine that she’s distracted as I’ve already seen her on three occasions and this is the longest period of time that has gone by without us seeing each other.

I just feel like she’s either pulling away or doesn’t care. I don’t know why I’m stressing her, this is so annoying. You think I’m overthinking it, but what if by reaching out I’m just sabotaging myself.

I don’t see how you’re coming across as needy. Someone who is disinterested will think you are needy. Someone who is interested will be glad you reached out or reminded her if she forgot to tell you her schedule. You don’t have much to lose. 

I think the key here is not taking it too personally even if she declines or doesn’t respond. Think: “Ok I tried and it didn’t work, no regrets on my part.” Then move on or don’t look back. If she doesn’t respond this time or give you the time of day you know not to waste your time with her.

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5 hours ago, junebug123 said:

I went on two dates with this girl. I posted about her recently, things seemed to go fine each time and she seemed eager to meet. Recently, she asked me to go to a museum on Saturday after we hung out last Tuesday.

But it was scheduled to rained that day and she cancelled the day before. I told her I would check in with her incase it doesn’t rain but it ended up raining and then I asked her if she wanted to do something during the week. She replied letting me know her schedule.

It’s thursday night and she hasn’t let me know when’s she available to do something. She doesn’t have a particularly busy life, she works and goes to go the gym after work. My gut feeling is she’s either hanging out with friends or dating other people.

I know it’s soon but I felt like things were moving along smoothly and now it’s radio silence. I want to reach out, but I don’t want to act desperate and I feel like I left the ball in her court. 

What would you do in my situation?

Not sure why rain would cancel a date, was it an outside museum? Could you have edited the date then and done something else instead since you had planned to meet?

Anyhow, so you asked if she wanted to do something, and she sent you her schedule..... That seems like a likely yes my friend. So she is waiting for you to ask her, she literally sent you her schedule. 

Could she reach out? Sure, but she very well be thinking "Dang, I sent that guy my schedule to hang and he didn't say anything, maybe he's seeing someone else"

 

Ask her out already! 

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7 hours ago, junebug123 said:

 She replied letting me know her schedule.

Well yes. After a couple of dates you're both still talking to and meeting others.

If you're still interested, ask her to do something this weekend.

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I think there is no shame in asking. Other alternative would be to just wait for her and/or fade away. Like this, you would at least have an idea where you stand. If she says "No" or offers excuses again, then you can fade away.

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I don't understand the rain issue.  Was she afraid she'd poke an expensive Picasso with her umbrella?? As my mom used to say - if a guy cancels on you because it's raining move on.  (Said when I was cancelled on because of rain - in one case we were supposed to take short train rides to meet in the city and go to dinner -inside).  

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It wasn’t a big deal about the rain. It’s just we had it scheduled to do walk around and do things on top of just going to the museum and I previously did something similar.

But adding that behavior along with other small clues is leading me to believe that maybe she wasn’t that interested. I’m torn between asking her to do something this weekend and simply just walking away now.

Its frustrating for me because I don’t want to bother getting invested in someone who can’t do something as simple as follow through on what they said. Now this is leading me to believe that maybe I’ve been creating a romantic narrative and they’ve simply been going along for the ride.

Ive been sort of the aggressor when it came to making moves and getting close and although this person has been receptive, they’ve also been playing games at times, (when I ask for a kiss or to get close they shy away and then later give in).

Initially I thought this was because they were shy and it was too early, now I think maybe they had mixed feelings and as we spend more time together things get more serious each time. 

Im really annoyed. Maybe I should just walk away from this situation now, I don’t understand how this women is already 30 and still in her party phase and wanting to keep meeting men and exploring her options. Maybe this is my own fault for thinking that I met someone who was on my wavelength but seeing everything from a distance makes me realize more and more that she’s just keeping me close enough to keep me engaged without committing and maybe she might never get there...

Is this dumb to think that if the weekend goes by and she never messages me, that I should assume she isn’t interested. Would someone seriously just wait for you to keep chasing if they were really interested. Because if that’s the case I’m going to just go full silent and save myself the headache now.

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11 minutes ago, junebug123 said:

Is this dumb to think that if the weekend goes by and she never messages me, that I should assume she isn’t interested. 

Why can't you message her and invite he to something this weekend?

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Posted (edited)
2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why can't you message her and invite he to something this weekend?

I just broke the silence. Anyways I’m over myself. I think you guys are right, I’m too busy over thinking this and it’s not worth it. 

Im just reliving my fear of rejection over and over and I need to stop doing that because it’s just becoming a pattern.

Edited by junebug123
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31 minutes ago, junebug123 said:

I just broke the silence. Anyways I’m over myself. I think you guys are right, I’m too busy over thinking this and it’s not worth it. 

Im just reliving my fear of rejection over and over and I need to stop doing that because it’s just becoming a pattern.

Good job. Now regardless of what happens you can face that. If she doesn’t want to be with you that frees you also to meet other women/find a better match. 

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12 hours ago, junebug123 said:

I went on two dates with this girl. I posted about her recently, things seemed to go fine each time and she seemed eager to meet. Recently, she asked me to go to a museum on Saturday after we hung out last Tuesday.

But it was scheduled to rained that day and she cancelled the day before. I told her I would check in with her incase it doesn’t rain but it ended up raining and then I asked her if she wanted to do something during the week. She replied letting me know her schedule.

It’s thursday night and she hasn’t let me know when’s she available to do something. She doesn’t have a particularly busy life, she works and goes to go the gym after work. My gut feeling is she’s either hanging out with friends or dating other people.

I know it’s soon but I felt like things were moving along smoothly and now it’s radio silence. I want to reach out, but I don’t want to act desperate and I feel like I left the ball in her court. 

What would you do in my situation?

I think I would send one last message/text saying something like "Hi, just reaching out to see how you are and if you're still interested in meeting up?" and see how she responds.

People can get busy, or they might be shy to date, or they might just have others things going on that is no reflection on their interest in you.

Try not to take it personally.

Give it a shot and see what she's up to one last time and if she doesn't reply or isn't eager to make plans, then don't message again and move on.

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Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, junebug123 said:

Im afraid if I reach out I will come across desperate and needy. I feel like that happens too much to me. If she’s going to ghost me then fine, I don’t know why I have to play these dumb games with women.

So stop playing them! Be straight forward.

The ones who aren't for you won't respond the way you hoped they would, but you only need one who will be on the same page as you and will enjoy the fact that you're not into games and are being straight forward.

With dating, you have to develop thicker skin.

What I mean is, you're going to have a lot of misses before you have a hit.

It's like that for everyone...not just you.

I have dated a fair share of people who weren't the one, and although it's disappointing, try not to take it personally (like thinking something wrong with you, etc)...it's not that there is something wrong with you, it's not being compatible with the person you are seeing.

It would be nice if everyone could meet their person right away, but unfortunately, for the majority of people it doesn't work out that way.

Don't let it get you down, accept if someone isn't feeling the same as you, wish them well, and move on to date someone else and see if they're a match.

But beating yourself up, or thinking women are terrible, and dating is terrible..it's only going to make you feel worse and make dating be something upsetting for you, and it doesn't have to be that way.

Think of it this way...do you like every single person you meet? Obviously not. But they may not know that.

So not every person you meet is going to like you..even if you dated a few times.

And you know what? That's perfectly okay!

Don't let it get to you. Try to see it in the beginning as care free dates and if it doesn't work out, no problem, at least you had a nice date, or dinner, or whatever.

Eventually you'll find your match, but like the majority of people, it won't be an easy go. But don't give up...it's worth it when you do finally find the one.

Give it at least minimum 4-5 dates before you start allowing yourself to get emotionally invested and wondering if they could be a long term partner, getting attached too soon is also making you feel bad.

Step back, go on the first few dates as a "try out" but not with any kind of huge expectations. Just see it as a nice meal with someone new and if it doesn't end up in more dates, no worries.

I wish you all the luck in the world. It took me over ten years to find my husband (and many bad dates!), but he was worth the wait! 

Edited by SherrySher
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Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, junebug123 said:

 

But it was scheduled to rained that day and she cancelled the day before. I told her I would check in with her incase it doesn’t rain but it ended up raining and then I asked her if she wanted to do something during the week. She replied letting me know her schedule.

 

She let her know her schedule?   If  i read this correctly, you should reach out to her.

Edited by reinventmyself
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Posted (edited)

She replied. I think there was confusion about who was suppose to text who. Maybe we are both acting like children I guess...

Im not sure if I’m in my head but I’m pretty sure I asked her to let me know her schedule. Then she replied we can take bikes out, then I gave her a thumbs up. 

Then she never let me know a day. And now I reached out to her, she finally says, “you have texted me ...”

Almost like she’s gas lighting me. Anyways, you guys are right I just need to be myself and stop worrying.

Edited by junebug123
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Posted (edited)
2 minutes ago, junebug123 said:

She replied. I think there was confusion about who was suppose to text who. Maybe we are both acting like children I guess...

Im not sure if I’m in my head but I’m pretty sure I asked her to let me know her schedule. Then she replied we can take bikes out, then I gave her a thumbs up. 

Then she never let me know a day. And now I reached out to her, she finally says, “you have texted me ...”

That's good to know. I hope your next date goes really well.

Still, do your best to take it slow, don't get too overly invested too soon.

Dating in the early stages should be fun and laid back. 

I hope it goes well. 

Edited by SherrySher
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7 minutes ago, junebug123 said:

She replied. I think there was confusion about who was suppose to text who. Maybe we are both acting like children I guess...

Im not sure if I’m in my head but I’m pretty sure I asked her to let me know her schedule. Then she replied we can take bikes out, then I gave her a thumbs up. 

Then she never let me know a day. And now I reached out to her, she finally says, “you have texted me ...”

Almost like she’s gas lighting me. Anyways, you guys are right I just need to be myself and stop worrying.

It sounds like miscommunication all around. What else did she say? 

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She probably thought you ghosted her.

Stop playing silly games. If you want a date with her, call her and ask. If she puts you off and says she needs to check her schedule, give it a few days and check back in. NO TEXTS! Stop acting scared and hiding behind texts.

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37 minutes ago, junebug123 said:

She replied. I think there was confusion about who was suppose to text who. Maybe we are both acting like children I guess...

Im not sure if I’m in my head but I’m pretty sure I asked her to let me know her schedule. Then she replied we can take bikes out, then I gave her a thumbs up. 

Then she never let me know a day. And now I reached out to her, she finally says, “you have texted me ...”

Almost like she’s gas lighting me. Anyways, you guys are right I just need to be myself and stop worrying.

I do not think there was confusion from anyone but you lol.

You asked to see her, she sent you her schedule, as a gesture of "Yes, this is when I am free". She even threw out a little idea of bikes, demonstrating interest. To me it feels like the ball was mostly in your court here to follow through.

Then you texted her and she responds as if she has been waiting.

I don't think she is gas lighting you at all. She is waiting for you to man up and ask her out. 

You are super overthinking this. Take charge, ask her out.

 

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, junebug123 said:

Then she replied we can take bikes out, then I gave her a thumbs up. Almost like she’s gas lighting me. 

Gaslighting? C'mon. Your memory is bad and your nerves are running the show. 

She seems like a keeper but if you play games about whose turn it is to text and that women are "gaslighting you", you'll shoot this one down.

 If you want to sabotage a good thing, go ahead, but don't blame her.

Edited by Wiseman2
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