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It's been 9 months and I'm starting to wonder if it's ever going to get better...


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Posted (edited)
16 hours ago, Cynder said:

It was 9 months ago today that the woman I was going to marry left me.  It was a brutal ending, too.

And Wednesday she moved out while I was at work.  There was no warning.  She didn't give me any explanation.  And she blocked me everywhere.  

Her response was to tell me what a disappointment and a POS I am. 

My ex is an alcoholic in denial.

My ex is miserable too.  But that doesn't make me feel any better.  Every 8 weeks or so she shows up and wants to talk.  Then when I get comfortable enough with her to start actually talking, she gets pissed, throws one of her fits and disappears on me again.  

 She's an alcoholic.  Her whole life consists of getting trashed and then functioning with a hangover.  

She's going to drink herself to death if she doesn't slow down.  

Does anyone have any thoughts on any of this?  Sorry this was such a long post. 

Sorry you took what I wrote as personal. I wasn’t trying to attack your character just pointing out certain personality traits. 

Sometimes when you go looking for answers, they aren’t always what you want to hear. I just tend to be extremely direct.

Post edit:

I think what I was trying to say, why do you care about what she does at this point. 

You can’t save anyone, they can only save themselves. Additionally, I made those comments because I’ve been in similar situations before and can understand the sentiment behind the behavior.

Edited by junebug123
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Posted (edited)
17 hours ago, Cynder said:

So... doing all these things to take better care of myself and heal isn't healing anything.  I thought after 9 months I would be a lot further along in the grief process. 

 

Yet you are somewhat defensive warning us to not mention blocking her.   How does one move forward when they are still involving themselves with someone they have a toxic relationship with?

Don't you think it's curious that you have done all this work and continue to be painfully stuck.  But the one thing you won't do is remove her from your life?  What if that was the very thing that got you to the other side?

Mabey some can do both.  Have their ex in their life and move forward.  At 9 months is it safe to say you can't?  Nothing wrong with that.  I know I couldn't.

You have a long list of reasons why blocking her won't work.  But trust me, if you wanted to stop contact you would and you could.   You choose not to.  So, get comfortable with the fact that your progress will stall or continue to be painfully slow.  It's your choice.

 

Edited by reinventmyself
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Nine months sometimes isn't enough. Exes do come back sometimes and for whatever reason, you'll have to be the one to create better boundaries and say enough is enough. That didn't happen for some time for me when I was separated from my spouse. He kept coming back every few weeks to check up on how I was doing and trying to meet. This went on for months until we had to address the elephant in the room and the divorce. 

You may have to be cruel to be kind and move forward in your own way (we don't know what - choose the time that's right for you). You mentioned someone coming into the gym looking like her, being reminded by memories of her and her continuing to contact you regularly. I do believe that we're in pain we might not often be realizing what we're doing. You mentioned also she may suffer from mental health issues. 

Just know it's ok to let go and you don't have to remain in contact to keep making sure she's ok. You can move on with your life and it's ok to do so.

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4 hours ago, Cynder said:

I feel like if i hadn't heard from her at all in the last 9 months I would be even more confused and probably still romanticizing her.

I tend to agree. Each time you post on here, you sound better to me. A little more experienced, a little less enchanted. Obviously, it's painful and you have to vent. Well, vent away! There's nothing wrong with that. There are no magic bullet solutions to break ups.

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