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I'm just really confused with a lot right now?


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So I'm 26. About a year and a half ago I started dating guy A. That lasted about 8 months before he broke up with me. But we stayed on good terms and he ended up adopting a cat I was fostering at the time.

I'd dated someone else for a few months before he broke up with me to get back with his ex.  

After this second breakup, guy A asked me to go out for his birthday. Turns out it was just the two of us. We had a wonderful night catching up. Then I ended up sleeping with him and staying the night. 

Then we do hang out again for a couple weeks before I ask him if this means anything and he "isn't sure" which is gut wrenching because I'm in love with this guy. 

But I take that and I move on. I met guy B about 6 weeks ago. Very sweet guy who has time for me. I enjoy his company a lot. He would be a very good boyfriend. But I'm feeling confused right now. I definitely think he's more invested than me. AND I learned I almost was the one to take his virginity at 26. We didn't end up hooking up. But that's a lot of pressure, especially when I'm not super sure at 6 weeks in how I feel just yet. Sleeping with him wouldn't be a big deal for me but it seems to be for him. 

My issue here is I CAN'T stop thinking about guy A. Especially since this new relationship and I think it's because I'm stressed. 

Guy A isn't really an option for a relationship. I've put myself out there more than once for him so he knows how I feel about him. 

I'm just trying to move on because I know, sadly, a relationship with guy A is pretty unlikely. And prior to this new relationship I thought I was pretty over him. But I'm learning I'm wrong and it's a sick feeling situation.

Guy B is a,genuine person who I enjoy but don't necessarily have heavy feelings for.  And guy A is someone I loved a sickening amount but I probably can never have. 

I'm just torn about what to do. I really WANT to work it out with guy B because he's a quality guy. 

But I'm in one of my "being sick over guy A" phases again and idk what to do. 

To clarify, I'd never cheat on him. I just know I need to clear this up soon 😞

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8 minutes ago, Spicydicey449 said:

 we stayed on good terms and he ended up adopting a cat I was fostering at the time.

I really WANT to work it out with guy B because he's a quality guy. 

But I'm in one of my "being sick over guy A" phases again and idk what to do. 

On/off relationships are confusing, frustrating and conflicted. That is what you are feeling. As long as you stay friends with guy#1, you'll sabotage your happiness and undermine relationships.

 Since you are "meh" about guy#2, that may not be the right guy for you either.

 So consider guy#3. The guy you haven't met yet  because of spending time with these two.

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Spend some time alone. You're bouncing off different people trying to heal from hurt and feeling rejected. That's why you're torn and confused. Guy B will also quickly lose respect for you once he realizes your heart isn't in it and you aren't genuine. You're playing with other people's hearts. 

 

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I would also say that if your heart longs for some guy that just wants sex, you are not ready for guy B. Or any other guy that comes your way. Because your picker is clearly not there.

So yes, some time for yourself is the way to go.

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Posted (edited)

Another solution is that you can be honest with guy B, and let him know you are not emotionally available for a relationship to flourish into something more serious. You can give him the option to enjoy being deflowered and have fun with that, let it be a casual thing. He just might take it anyways. 

Edited by smackie9
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I don't think either guy is right for you -and one doesn't want to be with you so that makes it easier.  You didn't end up sleeping with guy A -you chose to have casual sex -be clear with yourself about your choices, your role, your accountability.  I would not have sex with guy B because you know he is emotionally invested and from his perspective sex might increase that -he's an adult but since you know that do the right thing and stop dating him.  He will find a woman who also thinks he is a quality guy and is also into him.  You are not.  Especially since if guy A came a calling you'd probably hook up with him or wish you could -not fair to guy B.

I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated about this and the easy way out is to keep dating guy B.  You be a quality gal and step away so he can find the right person.  Good luck.

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