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My partner has been making me feel worse and worse about my low sex drive (due to health and mental issues)


NexUko
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Hello!

I hope someone will read this thru and help me out, probably I just need listening to, because it just makes me feel worse and worse. 
I struggle with having super painful sex and cystitis plus I am on a hormonal implant, so that definitely doesn't help my thoughts about sex. So when I am actually not in pain, I do enjoy having sex. Mentally I am sometimes not there either, because I have been taken advantage off by other men numerous times, so it is hard.  
I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself, since my partner has a very high sex drive and wants to do it many times a week. Especially health wise I am still not there where I wanna be (I am consulting a doctor, so thats fine). I feel like i owe him something. He always reassures me that its fine... But then he always slips in the "We ALWAYS do it whenever you want to, never when I want to" And being that reminded months does take a toll on you. I understand where he is coming from, but I can't change the way I am built right now... Two days ago he has hit me with it again with that he slowly starting to feel less and less confident, since when we have sex he feels the need he has to say yes for his sake or he will wait for days again.

I just feel soo put on the spot, since right now I can't change the way my body feel but I feel soo much pressure... I dont know... 

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Well that's not very caring/respectful to your medical situation. How old are you guys and how long has this been going on for?

How's the relationship outside the bedroom? How are you as an individual outside the bedroom? Are you happy, content, sad, ect.

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Just now, DarkCh0c0 said:

Well that's not very caring/respectful to your medical situation. How old are you guys and how long has this been going on for?

How's the relationship outside the bedroom? How are you as an individual outside the bedroom? Are you happy, content, sad, ect.

I am 26 and he is 30, we have been together for 1 year so nothing super long. But we are a very happy couple and he does really take care of me, but then he slips like this and it just destroys me. 
I dont know what to say or do anymore to make him comfortable and understand that it is going to be like this for a bit ...

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55 minutes ago, NexUko said:

I feel like i owe him something. 

You don't, it's that simple. Being pressured into sex is not cool. Reconsider the relationship. Discuss the sex pressure with your doctor. See if it's a type of abuse or coercion.

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Yea, I mean there a choice here: either he's fully okay with compromises/what's available, or he has to leave/you break up with him.

You're not responsible for his reaction OP. And as @Wiseman2 mentioned, you don't really owe him anything.

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Have you communicated how you feel to him? Be more direct and tell him you prefer he doesn't make those comments. It's passive aggressive and sly.

If he's not explaining himself at length or feeling like the situation is getting better, a better man might have said "Look, this is what I need in a relationship and I don't feel we're compatible." Not drag it on and on with negative commentary or make passive swipes at you or the way you have sex or reciprocate your affections.

It's important you're more vocal in saying what you don't agree with. If you don't agree with his comments, speak your mind. You will either work it out as a couple or go your separate ways.

 

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