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Embrace the Unpredictability


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14 hours ago, wealthydior said:

I congratulate you for having the courage to share these. 

A big part of me wants to share my story just to give others hope and perspective. Do I wish we would reconcile? Yes. Do I wish she'd come begging to have me back? Of course. But she chose to end the relationship and leave. We both had unmet needs and rather than working through our issues, she decided that, at this point in time, the differences are irreconcilable. At this point, there are zero indications she has any intention of changing her mind. 

We lose people we love and the first thing we rush to do is losing all self control in trying to get them back. I've been through heartbreak before. I know that I have to respect her decision, give her space, and allow the dust to settle. I have no control over her, so recognition and action over those things I do have control over is the most crucial element in healing. Whether or not we reconcile in the future is anyone's guess. I have one foot in hope of reconciling while the other foot is moving towards my own self growth. If she's happier without me in her life, then I'm at peace with that. We'll see how the future plays out. Ultimately, we're both good people who deserve happiness and I wish nothing but happiness for her and myself. 

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6 hours ago, kctiger said:

I know that I have to respect her decision

Yes, that is key.

And also respect yourself. Both of you made decisions that affected the outcome of the relationship and it's over. Leave room to meet someone else also and slowly put this behind you.

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  • 1 month later...

Hey all! I’m posting an update on my progress in hopes of giving others in my situation an idea of what this is like (for me at least). 

It’s been about 5 1/2 months since my fiancé broke up with me. There have been incredible highs and very sad lows. I can be doing really well an entire week, focusing on myself, then BAM, I drive by someplace that reminds me of her and I am hit with sudden and extreme sadness. Last Sunday and Monday I was overcome with emotion because of how much I missed her. That obviously passed, but it’s part of the process. No clue why it happened but it did. 

These changes are a reminder this process isn’t linear. I bought a puppy, took up a new hoppy (mountain biking), have been trying new things that I never would have done before, so I’m certainly ultra focused on my growth. But I would be lying if I said I’m over her. And that’s ok. When the time comes, I’ll look back on our relationship with happiness and gratefulness I had that experience as opposed to sadness that it’s over. 

I try to post here once in awhile to offer others advice as it is heartbreaking to see so many others go through this experience. I watched a video one time of a dating guru telling a heartbroken guy something that’s really stuck with me. I’m paraphrasing, but he basically told the guy that women would rather have the version of the guy who’s been through the ringer, who’s experienced the heartbreak and came out of it a stronger, wiser person. Give me that guy any day of the week. 

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