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Very Defensive


Deni89
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Why would he get so defensive? Been with this guy 5 months a girl has phoned him and I just out of curiosity asked who she was he just said she just a friend they have slept together previously he has been honest with that but he got really angry and said it none of my business. Then has said I should not be jealous etc I only asked who she was …. He then started getting angrier and stating it none of my business and who I am to ask this question and that we not even in an actual relationship. What’s your thought on this

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On one hand it really depends on the framing of the question, and your reaction (which sounds like a "Oh thanks for letting me know"). However the fact he got angry, and is acting irrationally over what should have been a meh conversation. 5 months in, I would not just brush this off.

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2 hours ago, Deni89 said:

Why would he get so defensive? Been with this guy 5 months a girl has phoned him and I just out of curiosity asked who she was he just said she just a friend they have slept together previously he has been honest with that but he got really angry and said it none of my business. Then has said I should not be jealous etc I only asked who she was …. He then started getting angrier and stating it none of my business and who I am to ask this question and that we not even in an actual relationship. What’s your thought on this

Based on the limited info, I don't think he's interested in dating you. He doesn't respect you or see you as part of his inner circle or part of the group of people he trusts in his personal life. There's no intention of having you as a girlfriend and you're not someone he respects or cares about.

Is this an fwb or casual situation? How do you know one another?

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If you stay with him one second longer, your self esteem is in the gutter. I'm sure you saw red flags earlier than this that he's a jerk. Work on your self worth so you will only attract, and be attracted to, decent men.

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I think it was over intrusive for you to ask and all he had to say was that he didn't like his privacy being invaded like that -he needs to be free to get and take phone calls without being questioned (I very specifically avoid asking my husband who called him with rare exception -sometimes he tells me, sometimes not because he deserves his space and privacy).  His reaction was an overreaction and speaks volumes so I agree with the others. Did you ask because you've noticed other things he's done/hidden that make you question whether he's all in, or was this the first time?

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Cheaters often deflect and turn things back on the person they are cheating on to keep them off balance.  Seem like he has something to hide and you know it but don't want to accept it.

 You asked a simple question and he blew up at you over it.  Even if he isn't banging this other woman he has issues that are only going to get worse as the "relationship" goes on.

  You were right to ask who she is, way better than putting your head in the sand or looking through his phone.

  Lost

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Maybe it's just me, but whenever I've received a call while I've been with a partner I'd get off the phone and say, "Sorry, that was my friend Rob" or whatever. To me that's just being polite for having taken a call when in someone's company.

If he has nothing to hide, there should be no reason to get angry about the question you asked, unless you are policing him about everyone in his life and he's getting fed up of trying to placate you - which doesn't sound likely. The fact he doesn't consider himself in a relationship with you suggests he's messing around with others. 

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4 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

Maybe it's just me, but whenever I've received a call while I've been with a partner I'd get off the phone and say, "Sorry, that was my friend Rob" or whatever. To me that's just being polite for having taken a call when in someone's company.

If he has nothing to hide, there should be no reason to get angry about the question you asked, unless you are policing him about everyone in his life and he's getting fed up of trying to placate you - which doesn't sound likely. The fact he doesn't consider himself in a relationship with you suggests he's messing around with others. 

I too might tell if it interrupts my conversation with the person - I only would take the call anyway if it was very important so then there's a mention of "sorry important business call" or "sorry, Rachel was calling about Ross again!" but when my husband and I are home but not hanging out together I make sure not to hover or pry - I want him to feel comfortable making and taking calls without feeling interrogated.  That way I can pick my times to pry.  The OP didn't give context.  He acted like a total jerk.

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