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Getting married in a week and last night I found emails to his ex wife..


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 they werent sexual or flirty or anything like that.  They were actually telling her about a relationship problem that we were having at the time and he actually forwarded her the emails I sent to him during this argument. So many personal details that I told him in those emails , I literally bared my soul to him and he sent that to her and they had a conversation about it       I am LIVID and I dont know what to do or how to handle this. I feel so disrespected and completely violated. 

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Sorry about this. Your hurt and anger is totally understandable. 

A few questions, to better understand the context here: How old are you guys and how long have you been together? How did you come across these emails? Did you know he was still in contact with his ex-wife? Have you met her? Do they have children? Has she been a source of stress and/or suspicion throughout your relationship? Was the "problem" discussed in the emails resolved between you two? Have you told him that you've seen these emails?

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we are in our 40s, together a year , we share a computer and I was looking for a document in his email that he needed. Yes They have regular contact because they have a child. Yes I have met her.  I have no suspicion or reason to be jealous of her. Yes the problem was resolved. and oh yeah, he knows very well that I found them! 

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1 hour ago, RethinkingThingsAgain said:

 Yes the problem was resolved. and oh yeah, he knows very well that I found them

He should not be forwarding your private correspondence to his people. That's a breach in trust. Using his ex a a confidant about your relationship issues is also weird.

Hopefully you have gotten premarital counselling because this seems quite rushed anyway. However his lack of respect and integrity has divorce sort of written all over it because these are major problems

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No I would not be ok with that not because he told his ex you two had been having issues -that might be within the realm of understandable -but sending your personal emails with personal stuff -no.  Not ok.  You should be able to communicate with your future spouse in writing and not be worried he will intentionally show it to someone else.  

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I would only be dating a man if his only communication with his ex was about their co-parenting duties. 

This isn't the case here. Plus, as others have said, he did not respect your privacy. 

And if this was such a soul-baring, emotional type of argument, involving a long e-mail, it sounds like your relationship is on rocky ground. Don't know why you're rushing in to marriage, nor to a man who crosses relationship boundaries and lacks common sense.

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I would hold off on marriage and learn whether this is someone you'll ever be able to trust again.

I'd have serious doubts about his judgment.

You also don't mention the nature of the issue that caused this one. 

Apparently, his way of handling issues is to compound the problem by invading your privacy.

Really not good.

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Posted (edited)
On 5/3/2022 at 12:39 PM, RethinkingThingsAgain said:

. So many personal details that I told him in those emails , I literally bared my soul to him and he sent that to her and they had a conversation about it.

How long has he been divorced?

Just curious why you were sending your fiance emails about your feelings rather than talking to him?

There's more problems here to sort out so don't rush into this marriage.

Edited by Wiseman2
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