Dating 4 weeks, she said she would let me know and never responded

[Noffers93]

Hi

Ive been dating a female doctor the past 4 weeks. So this woman is very busy naturally. Anyway, I asked to see her again on Friday, she responded Sunday saying I’m thinking Tuesday or Wednesday (we need to suit her schedule) I’ll let you know. It’s now Tuesday night and I haven’t heard anything. 
 

First date was a breakfast date which ended up with us making out. Second date was dinner and a few drinks, lots more making out. Third date was dinner at my place, lots of making out, got intimate emotionally and physically and had great conversations. Fourth date was a beach walk with more making out, and she also baked me cookies. So from my point of view that all seems pretty good. We only text to organise dates and don’t really talk in between but those messages are long with thought and effort from both parties.
 

Im just a little confused as to why she would not confirm our next date ? 

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Noffers93 said:

she responded Sunday saying I’m thinking Tuesday or Wednesday. 

 why she would not confirm our next date ? 

Why aren't you confirming anything?  You seem too passive and uninterested. She actively confirmed Tuesday or Wednesday is open and you did nothing.

Edited May 3 by Wiseman2

[Noffers93]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why aren't you confirming anything? 

I asked her if she was free this week, she said she has a busy week but can possibly do Tuesday or Wednesday and that she would let me know.

 

I said ok sounds like a plan to her letting me know 

[Noffers93]

I asked her if she was free this week, she said she has a busy week but can possibly do Tuesday or Wednesday and that she would let me know.

 

I said ok sounds like a plan to her letting me know

[Wiseman2]

Why can't you text any sort of follow up?  Why sit back idly and fret rather than confirming something for tonight or tomorrow?

Edited May 3 by Wiseman2

[Noffers93]

Good point. Have just sent her a message to confirm and offer alternatives if Wednesday is no longer good. 

[Kwothe28]

I think you are doing OK. And that she wouldnt bake you cookies if she doesnt really like you. Just ask if you are still on for Wednesday or she has some other date in mind. Confirming a date is OK, you dont need to relly and just wait for her to do it. 

[Batya33]

Even very busy people (I was one of them, so were most of the guys I dated and my husband too) make time to be reliable and respond if they are interested in dating even if the response is "I will let you know by ____ day which day works" or "this week is crazy.  Can we keep it tentative for Tuesday? I'll let you know the latest by Tues. morning". 

When I dated I had no cell phone.  For many years I had only a landline, later an office phone, not even voicemail for years.  (I stopped dating in 2005).   And somehow with all our busyness we made plans in advance and did our best to be reliable when we cared about the person we were making plans with.  I dated doctors, lawyers, investment bankers and I was an extremely busy professional. And I was reliable with all my friends and all the people I dated unless it was a true emergency.  So yes follow up and keep an eye on whether she is going to put in the effort to be reliable and respect your time. It sounds like that is important to you.  Understandably.

[smackie9]

Have to be patient. 

[Noffers93]

No good guys ! She’s start started for internship as a doctor and feels she doesn’t have the energy to be in a relationship right now but really enjoys hanging out with me. 
 

Confusing but I understand it. This was the text exchange: 

Her: 

Hey Xxx

I know we were trying to organise a date, but I have been thinking that maybe it isn't a good idea. My Doctor Internship has been exhausting so far and Emergency Department is proving to be the same... I have really enjoyed hanging out with you, but I'm not sure I have the energy to invest into a relationship right now. I'm really sorry, but I just think it's better to be honest and upfront rather than lead you on.

Me:

I know how busy you are and how much you have on your plate right now so I'm definitely not trying to pressure you into a relationship or anything like that 😊. 

I just enjoy you, I think you're ***ing gorgeous inside and out and I'm honestly happy to just hang out and have fun together with you when you can with no pressure or expectations and  just see what happens 🤷🏻‍♂️.
 

But I understand and hear that you're exhausted right now, so take care of you, and when you have a bit more energy and feeling more up to it please reach out and let me know. I'd love to keep getting to know you ☺️

 

so that’s that. Now what are you thoughts ? Seems she likes me but just doesn’t have to time right now. 

[Spicydicey449]

I'd reach out to confirm. It's likely she just is super busy. BUT if it becomes a habit I'd be more concerned. 

[junebug123]

I’m not sure if I would have responded so strongly to someone who just rejected me. I just to put out the same energy I’m receiving. This way I’m not over extending myself.  When you keep things more relaxed and carefree it allows the other person to come and go.

My feeling from this whole post is she was looking for something casual and you started to get invested. 

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Noffers93 said:

Now what are you thoughts ?

She's trying to let you down gently. 

 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Noffers93 said:

I just enjoy you, I think you're ***ing gorgeous inside and out and I'm honestly happy to just hang out and have fun together with you when you can with no pressure or expectations and  just see what happens 🤷🏻‍♂️

Sorry this happened. Somehow you sensed it wasn't happening. What exactly happened there?

Even after 4 good dates, things can change. Try not to wait around. She likes you but not in a way to keep dating. Be glad she was prompt about being straight up.

[Noffers93]

She has since reached out and really appreciated my response. Agreed that she is feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and will be reach out when she’s settled in a bit more.

I guess I continue dating others and wait for her to reach out now. 

[Noffers93]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Somehow you sensed it wasn't happening. What exactly happened there?

Even after 4 good dates, things can change. Try not to wait around. She likes you but not in a way to keep dating. Be glad she was prompt about being straight up.

She has since reached out and really appreciated my response. Agreed that she is feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and will be reach out when she’s settled in a bit more.

I guess I continue dating others and wait for her to reach out now. 
 

and yeah appreciate her hint and communication about it

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, Noffers93 said:

 and wait for her to reach out now. 

The best thing to do after getting the friendzone speech is to back off and go no contact and move on.

What you can do in the meantime is get involved in sports and fitness. Address any bad habits like excess drinking, or poor health and fitness.

Retool yourself, especially since you recently broke up with a raging alcoholic and need to reflect on a better way forward.

Your reply to her was a bit crass and pretty transparent as far as "still hoping to get in your pants".

[Noffers93]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

The best thing to do after getting the friendzone speech is to back off and go no contact and move on.

What you can do in the meantime is get involved in sports and fitness. Address any bad habits like excess drinking, or poor health and fitness.

Retool yourself, especially since you recently broke up with a raging alcoholic and need to reflect on a better way forward.

Your reply to her was a bit crass and pretty transparent as far as "still hoping to get in your pants".

Broke up with a raging alcoholic? What? 

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Noffers93 said:

Broke up with a raging alcoholic? What? 

Apologies. Meant broke up with someone who had out of control mental health issues:

 

[Kwothe28]

6 hours ago, Noffers93 said:

Now what are you thoughts ? Seems she likes me but just doesn’t have to time right now. 

Just excuses OP, sorry. She is backing down and that is all there is to it. If she thought this was worth pursuing, she wouldnt serve you "Im busy" excuse but would make time. As she did make it before but now suddenly cant. So clearly she doesnt think that.

From what reason, dont sweat over that. It could be various factors that dont have to be you. Maybe its someone else(most common one), maybe she is afraid of commitment etc. But in any case, she served you a BS excuse. So, dont sweat over it, dont expect anything there and move on. 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

She's trying to let you down gently. 

 

I agree. I know of and know many interns and residents who made time to date and for serious relationships.  I would not stay in touch including on social media as you will likely see her dating/trying to date others. I wouldn't assume it's anything personal -you two just didn't click enough in her mind.   I'm sorry.

Certainly if she reaches out in the future and you're interested and available you can see how you feel about it then.  I'm married to my ex-fiancee!

Edited May 4 by Batya33

[boltnrun]

I wouldn't remain in contact or stay connected on social media. I'm sure you don't want to see pics and posts if she starts dating a fellow intern, which happens a LOT as they all have similar crazy schedules and can relate to one another.

I do think the extreme focus on her looks may have come across as shallow. If she's a medical intern she's obviously more than just a pretty face and hot body. I suggest being more careful in the future to word things a bit more thoughtfully.

[WalterSobcha]

This is a "no" from her.

When someone tells you they're "not ready for a relationship right now", it always really means "not willing to be in a relationship with you".

[Rose Mosse]

I don't think she's interested. Maybe you're not on the same wavelength, don't have similar aspirations or aren't a good match overall or not enough chemistry. Some people make out or have sex because it's a way to let off steam but it doesn't mean very much. I'm so sorry. 

Best to let this fade out and don't contact her anymore or check in. Consider this not a match. Date other women.

[Andrina]

After 4 dates and being intimate, I think she owed it to you to not be so cowardly and actually should have called you to tell you there will be no more dates.

Instead, she tried to let everything fade away, was rude and didn't get back to you when she said she would. 

You're letting her good looks cloud your judgment.  You're not recognizing her poor behavior. And your reply to her text sounded like groveling to me, that you are willing to accept bread crumbs just to be in her royal presence. 

Like some others have said, delete her from social media. A person who's really into you will never let you go--not even once.