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Not sure what to do anymore.

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Hi. In February 2021, I met an absolutely amazing woman. I was working in another state when she contacted me via Facebook because we shared a mutual friend. We had a texting conversation that evening which lasted 13 hours. It was as if we had known each other all of our lives. So many things in common. Same values. Same outlook on life in the future. We met the following weekend and have been together ever since.

unfortunately, things are sometimes rocky between us and my depression, anxiety, and bipolar come out. I still have trust issues after being burned by previous exes. And, I really don’t feel like I deserve to be loved. Especially from her.


i’m on the verge of losing my house. So, she offered to help me move in with her a few months ago. Since then, I have moved tons of boxes into her place, but have barely unpacked any of them. Just struggling with my depression, anxiety, bipolar, job, health issues. She has her own stuff going on and she doesn’t need my “crap. I’ve struggled for decades with my demons. When we met, neither one of us was looking. In fact, we had both given up on even dating or meeting someone anymore.


The past few days, we haven’t gotten along at all. So, I’ve been sleeping in my car. When I texted her about what the answers are to fix things between us she said “I don’t know what the answers are.” I feel like a huge burden to her. I’ve tried to get as much stuff out of my house as possible. But, a lot remains there and she has been little help helping me get stuff out.

I really don’t feel things can be saved between us. Just when I think I seem to have met the “right one,” it turns into just another failed relationship.

i’m tired of struggling. Depression. Physical health. Job. Finances. I’m probably the last guy in the world she should be with.

Any feedback would be sincerely appreciated. Thank you.Any feedback would be sincerely appreciated. Thank you.

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Posted (edited)
19 minutes ago, JSHRN said:

i’m tired of struggling. Depression. Physical health. Job. Finances. I’m probably the last guy in the world she should be with.

That's your inner critic and low self esteem talking. You're making assumptions about things that are not true. She wouldn't have invited you if she didn't want you with her at her place. And your demons are self-destroying you.

Have you been to a good therapist before? Are you on meds? I'm sorry you feel this way.

One way to turn this situation around is to actually allow yourself to be helped. In exchange, just be a good friend. Cook for her something nice, have good talks, help out in the house until you are in a better place and find a good job. You don't have to be homeless and sleeping in the car when someone out there is offering help to you. It doesn't have to be this way.

And obviously, You're not in a good place to love and be loved as in a couple, but allow yourself to be helped and be a good friend. She's not your therapist to answer your questions. Maybe when you'll be better in a few months, love can be on the table. Be honest with her and yourself.

Otherwise, can someone else help you? Do you have other friends or relatives at which you can couch surf for a bit?

Edited by DarkCh0c0
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16 minutes ago, JSHRN said:

I’ve been sleeping in my car. i’m tired of struggling. Depression. Physical health. Job. Finances. 

Sorry this is happening. The first step is getting the bipolar under better control. Go to social services asap and apply for emergency housing, food stamps, Medicaid mental and physical healthcare. You can also get job training and employment assistance. 

This woman is not the answer. It was short term solution to damage caused by undertreated mental and physical health.

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Posted (edited)

The big question is...what have you been doing for these mental health issues? Are you seeing a doctor regularly? Are you taking any medication? If it's so bad that traditional care doesn't help you function in life, you might want to look into collecting disability at least for the short term until you get back on track. 

I understand that some people feel euphoric starting a new relationship and disregard their treatment, feeling they don't need to do it anymore because they feel great. But it's a house of cards, and things start to collapse in slow motion. It's one thing after another, and their emotional state goes into a downward spiral. 

Edited by smackie9
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What treatment are you currently receiving for your bipolar condition?

If you were on meds and stopped them, realize that's not a good idea. Sure, you start feeling good while on meds but it's BECAUSE of the meds, not a reason to stop taking them. Plus a new relationship isn't a substitute for ongoing treatment from a medical professional and not just a therapist.

Bipolar is a difficult condition that requires lifelong treatment. 

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