ALways expect the worst

[JyFouR]

Hi there! 

It's been a month already since we broke up. I'm doing fine (I think I do). I'm doing everything I could to recover from my heartbreak (being cheated on). 

I'm keeping myself busy at work and even extending my working hours till I'm exhausted.  In that way, once I got home -- All I need to do is to take a shower and sleep. 

Funny thing is, I decided to go down town. I was enjoying myself  and taking a walk yesterday.  

I happened to passed a coffee shop while wandering around. And, I saw my ex gf with the guy she cheated on me dating there. I was surprisingly and terribly shocked. Thoughts that came into my head was "***, it's just been a month and you're already showing it to everyone around you that you're already with someone else." The worst thing is I happened to saw her brother and he told me "that the guy is already visiting her at home". I was like "Really, F*ck!. How could she do that? Am I really that worthless person to not show even a little respect". 

I decided not go inside the coffee shop (they didn't notice me though) and walked to the park instead. . 

While I'm walking, I am feel with rage and madness -- which led me of thinking of going back to the coffee shop but I decided not to. The reason is , "It's been a month that I am at peace with myself , yes I am still doing my best to move on but I'm doing fine. And, I don't want to ruined every effort I've done just to embarrass myself in front of the person who didn't show me any respect".

Though my mind is clouded with the emotions I am feeling in that particular moment. I decided to go home to calm myself instead. 

I wasn't expecting any of those things. I guess we should "ALWAYS EXPECT THE WORST". 

It sucks but that's life. There's nothing I can do about it. At the end of the day, I only have myself whom I can rely on truly. 

-Four  

Edited May 2 by JyFouR

[reinventmyself]

I am sorry this happened.  Just know everything you are feeling is normal.

You described keeping yourself extra busy and feeling good.  Sometimes busying ourselves is a way from avoiding the grief.  It's always there waiting for you.  So no doubt, from having gone from thinking you were doing so well, to having such strong reaction to what you witnessed must have thrown you.  

It's never a straight line and it comes with a lot of firsts.  Seeing her with someone else is a pretty big painful first.  Just continue taking care of yourself as you have been and at the same time don't be surprised when intense moments catch you off guard.

Hang in there.

Edited May 2 by reinventmyself

[Jibralta]

I think you handled it really well.

[boltnrun]

You did the right thing deciding not to embarrass yourself by going in and confronting them. Good job.

Ask her brother to stop giving you info about your ex. I'm not sure why he'd want to hurt you, but it was completely unnecessary for him to gossip about his sister to you. Not cool.

I would rephrase it as "Continue to choose to do what's best no matter what life throws at me."

[smackie9]

So sorry dude. That just sucks. You did the right thing by walking away. I hope you can get back on track and heal your heart completely. 

[Lambert]

11 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

"Continue to choose to do what's best no matter what life throws at me."

I like this, too.

You're doing great. It's natural to want to distract yourself. but at some point you're going to feel it.  As you did. 

Be proud you kept your wits about you and did not confront them. 

Hang in there.  It takes time and as the others said, it's not a straight line.

Keep trying to find ways to enjoy yourself. Life can't be all work, a shower and sleep. 

Try to sit with your feelings and feel them! Be mad, be sad, mope a bit, shed some tears, then move forward- exercise, meet a friend. do something you like.  Listen to music. 

Find happiness while also grieving... its ok to have many emotions at the same time.  Just because you're hurting doesn't mean you can't laugh.  And while you're enjoying something you might still feel sad. It's having that compassion for yourself, that "hey you're trying your best" that's going to serve you. 

It helps create more time and distance in between bad feeling episodes until you're feeling happiness most of time again. 

hang in there. you're farther along than you think 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. It's bad running into an ex unexpectedly. It's worse running into an ex with their new squeeze. But the worst is running into an ex with the guy she betrayed you with.

Keep your cool. Maybe there's no such thing as karma but maybe these snakes deserve each other.

[Kwothe28]

That is OK, you are at "anger" stage. That means you are progressing to "acceptance". Every grief comes through those stages. Sometimes we skip a step or two but its important to come to acceptance at the end. Anger is one of the stages. And its nothing to be shamed about. You didnt react and you are holding on so there is that. And you are getting there slowly. 

Frankly, you should feel anger. She threw 8 year old relationship down the toilet and cheated 3 times. Its normal that you feel that. In time you will realise that you are far better without somebody like that. That she can do whatever she wants with her life but that you will make yours. Then you just wouldnt care even if you see her in town. But that all comes through time. As well as being able to accept somebody new who will not do what your ex did. But again that all comes through time. 

[catfeeder]

You handled this well. Good use of discretion.

Rather than imposing a continual sentence of suffering on yourself that will always anticipate 'the worst,' why not bolster yourself by taking pride in your resilience and your ability to bounce back to build a fabulous future for yourself?

Don't allow others the power to derail your outlook--keep your focus on moving beyond this.

It's natural to feel shaken by shocks during grief, but nothing can take your progress from you. It only feels that way as you learn to desensitize yourself to occasional exposures that are unwelcome.

Head high, and write more if it helps.

[NagChampa_]

Hello, I'm dealing with the same thing. Luckily my "ex" isn't in my state but on social media. We need to keep our heads up and and move forward. We owe that to ourselves. I know it's easier said then done because I too am working until exhausted and feeling that ache sucks. 

Edited May 20 by NagChampa_

[Rose Mosse]

There's a saying: "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best". You're being realistic when you acknowledge the worst. She's moved on and she did it by cheating on you. Be glad that she showed her true colours. 

You can move on now knowing that you don't need to waste a second more of your life thinking about her.

[melancholy123]

I dont see this as a lack of respect towards you.  This girl has moved on and you dont like it so it made you angry when you aw her with another guy.  Time to get over it and move on with your life.  Now that the first sighting is over, hopefully if you see her again with him, it won't bother you as much.  This was not about you.

[JyFouR]

On 5/21/2022 at 7:52 AM, melancholy123 said:

I dont see this as a lack of respect towards you.  This girl has moved on and you dont like it so it made you angry when you aw her with another guy.  Time to get over it and move on with your life.  Now that the first sighting is over, hopefully if you see her again with him, it won't bother you as much.  This was not about you.

I'm grateful that I across someone like you. I couldn't say that I agree nor disagree with your thoughts. 

Everyone has their own opinion and different perspectives in life. 
It is what it is.

What I learned with my experience in life,

"You will never know how it feels until it happens to you". 

"You will never understand it unless you -- yourself experienced it". 

-Four

[melancholy123]

40 minutes ago, JyFouR said:

I'm grateful that I across someone like you. I couldn't say that I agree nor disagree with your thoughts. 

Everyone has their own opinion and different perspectives in life. 
It is what it is.

What I learned with my experience in life,

"You will never know how it feels until it happens to you". 

"You will never understand it unless you -- yourself experienced it". 

-Four

Dont assume I've never been there as I have.  I've seen someone I really cared about with another woman and it hurt me badly.  So I do understand.  However you cannot let it affect or ruin your life.  Life goes on and you have to pick yourself up and move on from unpleasant things.

[JyFouR]

On 5/22/2022 at 11:55 PM, melancholy123 said:

Dont assume I've never been there as I have.  I've seen someone I really cared about with another woman and it hurt me badly.  So I do understand.  However you cannot let it affect or ruin your life.  Life goes on and you have to pick yourself up and move on from unpleasant things.

You really made my day! ^_^. Thank you! 

You are right! I would like to be your friend. I feel like I will learn a lot from you.