Male friend told me he couldn’t be friends if I got back with my ex

[Wiseman2]

This friend seems to know he's just filler for you in between breakups but somehow still thinks he'll get lucky if he buzzes around the friendzone long enough.

[Jibralta]

6 hours ago, EitherDare0 said:

I don't think that's a fair statement at all. I have a friend, and her and I honestly were just friends. Then we grew a mutual crush on each-other. I like her, but I admit after hearing about her EX so much and how awful he was an unhappy she is with him.... I do not think I could be her close friend if she got back with him. Two reasons, one because I like her and it would sting a little if she got back with THAT GUY as much as she had terrible things to say. Two, because I would not want to be that shoulder to cry on when she got back and all the terrible reasons they broke up happen again. Sort of a, "You made your bed, now lay in it." 

Yes, I saw your thread and it reminded me a lot of this one. Sorry, but true. But perhaps that's not fair to you. So, let me ask you a question: If your dude-friend got back with his toxic ex, would you stop being friends with him?

[EitherDare0]

7 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Yes, I saw your thread and it reminded me a lot of this one. Sorry, but true. But perhaps that's not fair to you. So, let me ask you a question: If your dude-friend got back with his toxic ex, would you stop being friends with him?

Probably less of friends yes. If I sat and listened to him trash her a ton, and show how much emotion and pain she caused him, and all that. And when there is zero good reason to get back he did anyhow, I would probably want to be around him less. I surely wouldn't want to sit and listen to it all over again when in inevitably happened again.

 

However, I think we both know, that part of the reason I would find it hard to be friends with the girl, is because I like her, and it would sting to know she got back with toxic EX person, and I wasn't good enough. I do not think I could ever deny that being a factor. Being friends with the opposite sex is tough. It can be done, but if feelings evolve, makes it very hard to remain friends sadly. Sometimes you cannot even control that. 

[Jibralta]

46 minutes ago, EitherDare0 said:

Probably less of friends yes. If I sat and listened to him trash her a ton, and show how much emotion and pain she caused him, and all that. And when there is zero good reason to get back he did anyhow, I would probably want to be around him less. I surely wouldn't want to sit and listen to it all over again when in inevitably happened again.

It seems very conditional. As long he does what you think he should be doing, you can be friends? Surely there's more to him than just this one choice?

[EitherDare0]

41 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

It seems very conditional. As long he does what you think he should be doing, you can be friends? Surely there's more to him than just this one choice?

Of course, but I also don't respect when someone continually self-sabatoges their lives.

I would still be his friend, but I would not want to listen to any of the BS when she inevitably did it again. If he cannot respect himself, why should anyone respect him. Sometimes being the "Hey it's ok, you're still great" lovey dovey crap doesn't work.

 

Sometimes friends need to hear or see their stupidity. They need tough love. Not to always be told it will be ok....

[Jibralta]

Just now, EitherDare0 said:

Of course, but I also don't respect when someone continually self-sabatoges their lives.

I would still be his friend, but I would not want to listen to any of the BS when she inevitably did it again. If he cannot respect himself, why should anyone respect him. Sometimes being the "Hey it's ok, you're still great" lovey dovey crap doesn't work.

Exactly! You keep people like that at arms' length. Why aren't you doing that with your girl-friend?