Jump to content

How do I handle this situation?


Recommended Posts

So basically an girl who I am assuming is 18 years old has taken a liking to me at work and I'm concerned about it. I say I assume because at first I thought she was underage but then she started referring to other minor employees and minors too so I the best I can guess is that she's 18. Me on the otherhand, I'm about to turn 34 in 17 days. 

Anywho. I may have invited this upon myself by looking at her too much (eye contact) and thanking for helping me out with my duties at work. I just started here last week and yesterday she and another co-worker were trying to make me jealous by speaking casually amongst themselves withing earshot of me for about an hour, then suddenly she came over by me and tried to make conversation when I asked her if she knew where my relief was. When I ended the conversation she went back over the other co-worker and they pretended to make plans for after work. 

I just handled it by telling the other co-worker to have fun tonight. 

But I'm wondering how to best handle this extremely young co-worker who is half my age without just blurting out "Hey you're a child, I'm a adult - it ain't happening". 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 minutes ago, HemispheresX1 said:

she and another co-worker were trying to make me jealous by speaking casually amongst themselves withing earshot of me for about an hour

Why do you assume she was trying to make you jealous? 

14 minutes ago, HemispheresX1 said:

she went back over the other co-worker and they pretended to make plans for after work

And why are you assuming they were pretending, and not actually making real plans? 

I don't really see why you believe she likes you, unless you've left something out of the post. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Because I can pick up on body language and the fact that the co-worker kept looking back and smiling at me while they were talking was pretty tell as well. I'm not an idiot. I'm just in an extremely uncomfortable situation that I'd like to nip in the bud as soon as possible. 

And if you need all the juicy details another "minor" co-worker mentioned her name last week and did a little double eyebrow raise as he did so they're basically dropping hints. 

Edited by HemispheresX1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, HemispheresX1 said:

 at work. I the best I can guess is that she's 18. I'm 34. 

I just started here last week

Unfortunately, this is a mess on many levels:

She's a co-worker.

She is half your age.

You are new at the job.

She is not interested in you and you need to leave her alone.

"They" are not "trying to make you jealous". That is your imagination.

Be polite, professional and remember work is for paychecks, it's not a dating app or singles club.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stay professional. Do not say anything to her about you believing she has a crush on you. Unless you want to take a chance of getting into trouble at work for speaking inappropriately to coworkers, just keep your head down and do your job. If she approaches you, speak only about work related topics.

3 hours ago, HemispheresX1 said:

I may have invited this upon myself by looking at her too much (eye contact)

You also need to stop doing this. You don't want her to report you to HR for staring at her. I don't care how hot she is, this is a big time "NO".

Are you married or in a relationship? Or actively dating?

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If she comes by to chat, once it goes beyond normal, brief co-worker chit-chat, tell her in a nice way you have to get back to work. If she asks questions about your personal life, just say you like to keep your work life separate from your personal life, or stick to vanilla things you'd tell any co-worker. If she was so blatant as to ask you out, you can just say you have rules against dating co-workers, as well as not being comfortable with big age gaps.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You need to get out of your own head and focus on your work. Forget about her in any context other than a professional one. There are plenty of women outside of your workplace that you can be interested in.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Seriously?  18 yr olds are hard to read and half the time they don't even know what they want.

  In the end it matters little if she is into you or not.  It takes two to tango so just keep everything worked related and it will be fine.

  She probably wants you to buy alcohol for her and her friends.

  Lost

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

34 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Seriously?  18 yr olds are hard to read and half the time they don't even know what they want.

  In the end it matters little if she is into you or not.  It takes two to tango so just keep everything worked related and it will be fine.

  She probably wants you to buy alcohol for her and her friends.

Yes!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Stay professional. Do not say anything to her about you believing she has a crush on you. Unless you want to take a chance of getting into trouble at work for speaking inappropriately to coworkers, just keep your head down and do your job. If she approaches you, speak only about work related topics.

You also need to stop doing this. You don't want her to report you to HR for staring at her. I don't care how hot she is, this is a big time "NO".

Are you married or in a relationship? Or actively dating?

No I'm not married, not in a relationship, not actively dating. I'm working on getting my life together. 

And the situation seemed to have resolved itself for now. She was extremely unhappy with me when I came in to start my shift. Luckily she left shortly after I clocked in and I avoided all contact with her. 

Well see what next week brings. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
16 minutes ago, HemispheresX1 said:

Well see what next week brings.

Hopefully next week will bring you simply behaving in a professional manner and without you staring at her trying to make eye contact.

It's a bad idea to play dangerous games at work.

Edited by boltnrun
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, HemispheresX1 said:

So basically an girl who I am assuming is 18 years old . . . 

Never assume this, ever.  Do you know how many men are on what is called the Sex Offender Registry in my area (which is forever) because of making these assumptions?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Coworker confirmed her age. Year older than I thought. Not like it makes the situation any better. She's been blocked on social media and as stated I don't have any plans on interacting with her from here on out.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Turns out the whole situation was set-up by the younger kids to get me canned. She is in fact a minor. From what I can gather she was under the suspicion that I was flirting with her by thanking her for bagging for me (on my first couple of days while I was getting the hang of ringing up merchandise and bagging simultaneously mind you) and she didn't have to do it because her position entails no such thing. 

Yesterday when I returned to work she began bagging for me and after she finished she made a comment along the lines of "try it again" before walking off. 

I tried telling her after that I didn't need any help bagging as I have gotten better but she is insistent on coming over and bagging for me on occasion now. Looks like I narrowly missed getting fired on this one. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I'm not following. 

Have you been reprimanded by your boss? Warned by HR? 

And why would she and the "younger kids" be trying to get you fired?  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, HemispheresX1 said:

I think they (minors) were trying to convince me she was of age thinking I would ask her out and end up getting fired. 

Why do you think they would spend any of their time doing that?

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Too many coincidences. The jealousy games, then telling me she's 19, then me completely cutting contact with her, then her comment. 

Plus I noticed she only works 4 hour shifts which I know from being a minor in retail means you are in fact working underage labor hours. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, HemispheresX1 said:

Too many coincidences. The jealousy games, then telling me she's 19, then me completely cutting contact with her, then her comment. 

Plus I noticed she only works 4 hour shifts which I know from being a minor in retail means you are in fact working underage labor hours. 

I don't see from what you wrote, any evidence of "jealousy games".  Them making plans to go out when you can hear them?  Not a jealousy game.  Telling you she's 19?  Why would you ask her age anyway?  

Whatever the case may be, you are right, acting completely professional should always be the way you act.  No more trying to make eye contact with her and no more requesting her on social media.  Work is for work, not for trying to get the attention of female coworkers who you suspect may be underage.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...