Jump to content

A Peculiar Situation


Recommended Posts

Hi all,

I have a peculiar and odd situation currently and wanted opinions and advice on it. I have this friend I have known seven years and we are really close as friends. We still speak every day, although not currently and will explain why. We were lovers at one point and now more friends again. However, I am not sure that I am over her and I think she isn’t completely over me too and gives me mixed signals with her actions. The thing is we are over 250 miles away, so distance was the main reason it did not work out initially.

Now back in 2020, we decided to try and do something new in the connection and experiment with different people. We made a promise, and now a silly once actually, that we use protection with anyone we seen. Back in 2021, our connection broke down and she has been seeing someone new for a year and half and claims she really loves this person too. 

I also met someone back in January 2021 and maintained a nine-month relationship until it broke down. This is where it gets tricky, my girlfriend randomly stopped started talking to me and ran away from me in November. I was confused initially and did not hear from her from months. I was heartbroken, she got back to tell me that she had a missed miscarriage, and the child was mine because there were two occasions, we had unprotected sex. I am normally very good and use protection but there two times we let our passions ran high and the love factor took over. 

I was gutted to learn that I may have had a family taken from me an felt that I had been punished for being stupid. Now where I am still close to my friend, I wanted advice and tried to get support, but she then scorned me for breaking a promise. I knew that I broke a promise when I told her but did not expect her to act so heartbroken. If she loves someone else, then why is she so devastated by it. I feel so bad for telling her, but I did care so much about her that I did not want to hide anything from her. I guess down there is still a part of me that still loves her deeply and I feel awful for doing what I did. She did something similar too. 
 

Also when we did link up, that intimacy never went away, considering it has been two years since we seen each other. She couldn’t keep her hands of me and kept cuddling me. The kissing, touching were all there.

I travelled up to her to see her and try to resolve things, but she was not very chatty and says she will talk in her own time. She also explained how she loves this other person she believes anything can happen between them. However, if so, why discuss memories between us and then come to me when we have problems. I also made a mistake last month when I visited her for the first time in two years and we ended up sleeping together again. I tried to be there for her because this person hurt her, and I assumed it was over between them. I found out about what happened with my past girlfriend two weeks after this happened. 

Me and her are always linked and we always consistently come back to each other but how do I resolve this situation because I still admire her friendship and I am confused with her actions. I did not think she would be so bothered about a promise I made two years ago, after so much has changed. What would people recommend?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I recommend that you figure out why you continue to chase and insert yourself in drama - you're "linked" because you continue to contact her even though you know it's not in her best interest or yours -it's unhealthy and you know it.  You make all sorts of excuses about this "connection" but if you two really felt "connected" you'd have dated properly, perhaps then become exclusive, and proceeded from there.  Instead you're making this far more complicated than needed.  What I would do is back off and let her stay in touch if she wishes -platonically.  Even with that I'd keep my distance.  

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are expecting logical actions. From somebody who claims how she "loves" somebody. And yet has no problem sleeping with somebody else. Admittedly, that somebody else is you. However, expecting logical actions from somebody like that isnt going to give you much clarity. I mean OK, you promised to use the condom. Still dont see how you using or not using it with somebody else you were in a relationship concerns her. As you two are not in a relationship. I mean OK, there is a safety thing. But you used it with her(I hope) so not really something to be mad about. 

Anyway, its too convoluted situation. You think she cares for you because she made a scene. However, she was clear she "loves" somebody else. So there is nothing for you there. And it hinders you from moving on. She clearly doesnt have a problem with that. So neither should you. Cut that through and try to find somebody who wont make your life so complicated. Ive heard a good quote from Family Guy: "Love is like a fart, more you try to push its ***". So, avoid that much complications in future.

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you need to let her go. This friendship is not healthy. 

And the sense of entitlement on her is absurd, quite frankly. You were both in relationships with other people and it is plain immature and inappropriate that she expected you to adhere to the contraception "promise" you two made, years ago. It was (and is) none of her business what sort of contraception practices you engaged in with your then-girlfriend. 

Her ego just got taken down several pegs. I would personally not want a "friend" like this. 

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's not mixed signals, It's obvious she's not in love with you, she's emotionally attached. So when she's feeling unwanted or undesirable, she goes to you to fill that void, luring you with talk of the past. You are being played a fool.

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

31 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I think you need to let her go. This friendship is not healthy. 

And the sense of entitlement on her is absurd, quite frankly. You were both in relationships with other people and it is plain immature and inappropriate that she expected you to adhere to the contraception "promise" you two made, years ago. It was (and is) none of her business what sort of contraception practices you engaged in with your then-girlfriend. 

Her ego just got taken down several pegs. I would personally not want a "friend" like this. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, oaksi567 said:

 

Thank you guys I needed this advice and I know what to do now. I should have seeked advice earlier too. 
 

I had a feeling this was the case, so thank you. I will reach a conclusion and get rid permanently. Hopefully I can patch things up with my ex too. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

39 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I think you need to let her go. This friendship is not healthy. 

And the sense of entitlement on her is absurd, quite frankly. You were both in relationships with other people and it is plain immature and inappropriate that she expected you to adhere to the contraception "promise" you two made, years ago. It was (and is) none of her business what sort of contraception practices you engaged in with your then-girlfriend. 

Her ego just got taken down several pegs. I would personally not want a "friend" like this. 

Thank you, I knew I did nothing wrong and I will take her down a peg myself and move on. I need to make peace first then I can distance myself. I haven’t spoken to her for 22 days, so already have made a start on that. Thank you again 🙂

Link to comment
Share on other sites

41 minutes ago, oaksi567 said:

I haven’t spoken to her for 22 days, so already have made a start on that. 

Excellent. Distance yourself from all this. You need to delete and block her from your social media and messaging apps.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Excellent. Distance yourself from all this. You need to delete and block her from your social media and messaging apps.

Yeah I had a feeling it was once like that anyway. So kind of been planning for a while. I’ve already started going on dates with other people too or is that too soon you think 🙂

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're ethically wrong to speak romantically with a taken woman, especially when you're taken yourself. And she makes for a crappy girlfriend, since she goes behind her boyfriend's back and speaks inappropriately to another man. 

When you are the best boyfriend you can be to a woman, the relationship has a greater risk of working out. You can't this being "friends" with an ex. Once a friendship has crossed to having sex, it's best to go no contact for the good of a future with someone else. I know I wouldn't have dated my husband if he'd been doing the same thing you were. You will be letting golden opportunities pass you by.

When you stop thinking of her daily, that's the time you'll probably be ready to date again.

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...