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The guy I like told me he's Bisexual-Asking for tips


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Hey guys hope you are all fine!

After what happened with my cousin (which is now ok, we talked and now he won't bother me anymore), I talked about it with a friend of mine (he's someone I trust a lot and also he's a guy I used to have a crush on). He's been really open-minded and has helped me a lot, he's always been a good guy and actually some years ago we didn't date because I live in another country and he didn't have money nor the plans on leaving where he lived...

After some years I see he's now traveling, saving money, studying english (things he once told me didn't think could pull off) and now I see him as someone who could be a nice and wonderful date...

We have been talking for two weeks now and because we talked about my "cousin situation" we started to talk about relationships... he ended up confessing he's actually bisexual and that he kept it a secret from everybody for so many years, he told me now since he trust me a lot.

I'm an open-minded person and I respect him and everybody from the LGTBI community, still somehow he coming out to me was a surprise, mostly because I don't really know how it is to date someone bisexual (I'm not saying he's different because of that I'm just saying it because dating means sharing something more private and intimate). I searched on google and some people say it's kind of complicated to date someone Bi because there's more risk they won't be able to enjoy a relationship with a girl without craving for some male confort. 

Is it really like that? I wonder because people say that in those kind of relationships jealously is always present, I mean I would love to share my crush on random people with my boyfriend but I don't really know if that's ok or not, or maybe I'm just thinking about it too much? I like him and think he's a pretty cool person but I wonder if I'm the right person for him or if he should look for another Bi person? I asked him if he would like to date someone cis but he hasn't answered yet.

Thanks for your tips and comments! I really appreciate your support!

 

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15 minutes ago, CarolSits said:

still somehow he coming out to me was a surprise, mostly because I don't really know how it is to date someone bisexual. I like him and think he's a pretty cool person but I wonder if I'm the right person for him

The important thing is that you are chat-buddies/friends and not dating. He lives in another country and has not shown a romantic interest in you.

People need to explore their sexuality on their own time not "come out" at some later point while using a relationship as a security blanket. 

 Don't worry if "you are right for him", date local straight men since that is more viable for you. You need to shift your thinking to "who is right for me" rather than "am I acceptable to this or that one".

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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

The important thing is that you are chat-buddies/friends and not dating. He lives in another country and has not shown a romantic interest in you.

People need to explore their sexuality on their own time not "come out" at some later point while using a relationship as a security blanket. 

 Don't worry if "you are right for him", date local straight men since that is more viable for you. You need to shift your thinking to "who is right for me" rather than "am I acceptable to this or that one".

Yeah I guess you are right, we are chat-buddies and we really care about each other. He had a massive crush on me some years ago and he told me about it but we didn't want to date since I was in another country already. 

Do you think he's telling me about his sexuality because he's using our friendship as a security blanket? I'm kinda confused..

I'm really insecure about myself, I guess that's why I can't find the right guy for me... I need to stop thinking about being acceptable to others but it's really hard you know? I live in a country where only beautiful women are around, I'm not even tall enough to even catch the eye of men my age and it kinda makes me happy when a guy I used to like talks to me like him, I really want someone to like me... :( sorry if I sound needed but I'm feeling really confused right now...

I do really appreciate your comment here, you are really kind


 

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So I would think a bisexual person is no more likely to be unfaithful than a heterosexual person - if a person wants to commit to another person there of course will always be attractive people around - that's life - so why in your mind would someone who finds both male and female people attractive be more tempted than someone who prefers one gender? Also he hasn't asked you out on a date so even if he likes chatting with you it doesn't mean he is interested in dating you, whatever his sexual orientation.  

Yes having insecure feelings can lead you to make poor choices in dating. What helps me build and maintain self confidence is daily cardio exercise, taking care of my body otherwise, finding ways to contribute to others - whether it's a small kindness or through my work or volunteer work and also making sure I have interests outside myself -whether it's reading a certain genre of literature, being up on current events, exploring cultural opportunities like theater or music or art, etc.  

A person's physical features are only one small part of what makes that person attractive to others for dating or relationship purposes. If it's a hook up situation perhaps physical features get more attention.  

Good luck!

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10 hours ago, CarolSits said:

Do you think he's telling me about his sexuality because he's using our friendship as a security blanket?

I am not sure what you mean by this. 

He considers you a friend, so he shared something personal about himself. It's what friends do. 

He has not recently expressed a romantic interest in you so I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself here. Looking for tips about dating a bisexual man is a little premature given that he hasn't asked you out. In any event,  I know people who identify as bisexual and have enjoyed monogamous relationships. I don't think they are any more likely than heterosexual (or gay) folks to be unfaithful. That is a character issue, not one related to sexual preference.

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