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Did i do the right thing by blocking him?


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I have been dating someone for about 6 months now. Initially he seemed like a really cool person, I felt that we clicked. We spoke on the phone a lot the first couple of months. He would call me often sometime we would fall asleep with the phone on. Basically, everything seemed perfect. Around the end of the second month he was starting to withdraw. He would call me like usual but not speak and be quiet. I would ask him what was wrong but he would have a hard time opening up. One time we got into a heated argument and he ended up telling me he felt it wasnt going to work. I didnt argue with it because it was new and if he was saying it wasnt going to work i didnt want to fight it. Three days later I get a phone call of him apologizing and him wanting another chance. He also started to tell me about an ex of his that he was clearly still not over by the way he was talking about her. I tried my best to console him and felt "okay this is good" we were getting better at communicating feelings. Things were getting back to normal for about a month and again i felt him withdrawing. He would call me less. One day my sister told me he was on a dating app and i was so shocked, i confronted him, he denied it saying it was old, i believed him. He showed up again a few days later on the app with new pictures. I texted him i didnt want to deal with his BS anymore and blocked him. Three days later i unblocked him thinking maybe i need to hear what he has to say for closure, i told him to call me. He didnt say anything until a month later, wished me happy birthday apologized. By that point i blew up on him and demanded an explanation, he said he was ashamed and that he didnt want to tell me but he finally admitted that his ex was on the app again and wanted to just spy on her. I was so angry but he convinced me that it was stupid of him that i was his first choice (my dumb ass believed him).

Since then, he has changed, he calls me less, he doesnt plan dates, I went to to his place twice thinking we would drive somehwhere together but no, he would rather watch TV. He would do this thing where he would be silent the whole day and i knew mentally he didnt feel okay. I tried my best to encourage him and motivate him, putting aside my own issues and demons. He told me he is having terrible depression and feels mentally ill and doesnt feel like doing anything and going anywhere so i understood, as frustrated as i felt. Couple of days ago i was having a breakdown and I felt i needed him and he wasnt there for me. I confronted him the next day and he told me within 15 min that it wasnt going to work out. I asked him if this is what he truly wanted, and he gave me no response. I told him i needed a response for sure if this is truly what he wanted, and called him. No response. But he texted after that he was with friends and that he couldnt talk. Then i made the choice to block him everywhere possible.

Maybe i need reassurance, but did i make the right choice? Its super painful and at the same time i feel like a bad person for blocking someone sad and depressed. Was blocking the right decision?

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46 minutes ago, meechu said:

He also started to tell me about an ex of his that he was clearly still not over by the way he was talking about her. I tried my best to console him and felt "okay this is good" we were getting better at communicating feelings.

Oh, no. No, this was not good. You should never try to lick the wounds of a man who is still not over his ex. This was your cue to end it all right there. 

48 minutes ago, meechu said:

I confronted him the next day and he told me within 15 min that it wasnt going to work out.

And he's right - it isn't. He's not into you the way you're into him, and I am not sure what more proof you need of that. He's not over his ex. He got caught on a dating app (and please don't buy the excuse he was only spying on his ex, which is bad enough) He's told you a couple times very plainly that it's not going to work out. You need to believe him. 

Yes, you made the right choice blocking him. This wasn't going anywhere and you're wasting your time with him. In the future, don't hang aound when you see so many red flags. You were only really fooling yourself here. 

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8 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

You were only really fooling yourself here. 

I understand. Thank you for your advice. It felt to me he was internally struggling, having gone through a break up myself when we met. It felt like we both were trying to move on, and it just became about him. I have to admit I was super anxious i was losing him, so i tried to do more by being there for him. Now thinking back, he didnt deserve this treatment at all. Wished id love myself more the those times. 

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3 hours ago, meechu said:

He also started to tell me about an ex of his that he was clearly still not over by the way he was talking about her

Oh boy. Whenever a man brings this up, it's your cue to RUN. Better yet, sprint.

Nowhere have I read how he romanced you or went out of his way to please you. Like legit, you're not getting anything out of it. You're just people pleasing here.

But, you've blocked him. And that's a win! Keep going and don't settle for anyone who's not that into you. You deserve a good romantic partner. You go girl! It does get better.

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he is not over his ex clearly and you both seem to click initially but that connection is not strong enough for him to move away from his ex.  You did the right thing, just block him and move on, spare yourself from the drama and pain with this association. Don't feel bad you invested your time its all part of life, the pain will go away as you get busy with life, dating others and looking for that special one.

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5 hours ago, meechu said:

 I was super anxious i was losing him

But here’s the thing: if he wasn’t over his ex, he was never really yours to begin with 

You were his rebound, unfortunately. Regardless of your reactions to his behavior, this was never going to last. He realized it after a couple months, and he’s reaffirmed that now. 

It hurts, but there’s nothing you can do here. He wasn’t the guy for you.

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6 hours ago, meechu said:

Its super painful and at the same time i feel like a bad person for blocking someone sad and depressed.

You are not his therapist OP. If he is depressed, he should treat that. You trying to help somebody who doesnt even appreciate that isnt a solution. There is no point in the relationship, if you would be the one pulling all the weight. While the other side wouldnt even be there for you in times of need. You might as well be alone than.

As he proved that he isnt going to be there for you, breaking up and blocking is the right choice. Again, you dont need somebody like that in your life. Relationships are there to make some things easier for us. Not to make us miserable as the other side wont listen, lie and is stuck up on some ex. Again, you are far better alone than sustaining somebody like that. So, good call for cutting that weight out.

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9 hours ago, meechu said:

He showed up again a few days later on the app with new pictures.

He told me he is having terrible depression and feels mentally ill

Sorry this happened. You did the right thing ending it . Hopefully you have deleted and blocked him permanently  from all your social media and messaging apps. 

Hopping on dating apps is not the treatment for "depression and mental illness". 

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Consider the pain and disappointment you are experiencing in this moment.  Imagine you met someone today who was a distraction from that pain.  It feels good to have that escape but the grief is always waiting for you.  It would be safe to say that you really wouldn't be the right mind to start a new relationship while grieving the previous one.  Right?  Put yourself in his shoes and he wasn't ever really relationship ready to begin with.

It postponed his grief for a small period of time and when reality creeped through, he later slipped into depression.

It's selfish to seek people out to help you deal with a heartbreak from another.  You take that time and work through the disappointment and wait until you are whole again before you date. 

The lesson here is the next time you suss out a man's relationship timeline and pass on men that are fresh out of relationships and have some work to do.  Don't stick around and allow them to work it out on you.  Sorry this happened to you.

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I'm sorry you're going through this. He may have felt like he cared or wanted to start something with you but he wasn't able to in the end. It's possible he was still communicating with his ex. I think you did the right thing. 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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9 hours ago, Spawn said:

he is not over his ex clearly and you both seem to click initially but that connection is not strong enough for him to move away from his ex. 

I was also getting over a break up, and initially thats how we bonded but I was able to let go and he wasnt. 

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3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Hopefully you have deleted and blocked him permanently  from all your social media and messaging apps. 

I blocked him from everywhere. Hard block. It was the most painful thing to do. Because i was tired of him convincing me he was over her and and that i wasnt the second when his actions were showing otherwise. 

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3 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

It postponed his grief for a small period of time and when reality creeped through, he later slipped into depression.

I felt that. And i confronted him many times about it but he denied and assured that wasnt the case. But i realize i felt like he stopped telling me because he didnt want me to leave. I saw that he wasnt the same. He hasnt deleted her off of social media either even after a really brutal breakup. In that story he was the second guy and rebound. He kept telling me i was 1000x better than her. Recently, his ex reappeared and was looking at his facebook stories. I kept asking if she kept looking and he said no she completely stopped but now i feel again that was a lie so that i wouldnt react and tell him to delete her. I wouldnt have made him anyway, i dont think anyone can heal like that. 

 

3 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

It's selfish to seek people out to help you deal with a heartbreak from another.  You take that time and work through the disappointment and wait until you are whole again before you date. 

The thing is i was also going through a rough breakup, we bonded at the fact that we were going through this together. But later i felt i was on a new book, new chapter, he was still on his last book. Its like he didnt want to move. 

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

He may have felt like he cared or wanted to start something with you but he wasn't able to in the end.

I feel the same. In the end i was the second women, and i tried to reject that thought and was in pain thinking about it. I was in that situation before and its painful. I didnt want to believe it, but in the back of my mind i knew i was. I was finding myself frustrated and felt like i was going crazy. Thats when i knew, i had to listen to my gut and let him go. 

Edited by meechu
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7 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

It hurts, but there’s nothing you can do here. He wasn’t the guy for you.

Its really painful, feels like I got slapped multiple times. And i feel humiliated. Like i worked so hard to love myself and these past 6 months i feel like i went back 20 steps.

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35 minutes ago, meechu said:

I blocked him from everywhere. Hard block. It was the most painful thing to do. Because i was tired of him convincing me he was over her and and that i wasnt the second when his actions were showing otherwise. 

Good call. That's showing self-respect and most of all dodging a bullet.

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1 hour ago, meechu said:

i was also going through a rough breakup, we bonded at the fact that we were going through this together.

This is not a healthy way to start dating someone though, OP. 

It's not the sort of thing you should attempt to "bond" over. The next time a guy indicates he's not over an ex, get out of there as fast as your feet will carry you. 

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