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Romantic or Ridiculous?


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I think you're confusing being romantic with indulging in fantasies about people you are remembering in a certain way or crushing on.  It's not the same thing.  It's a positive to be emotional and "romantic" when getting to know someone you are dating and of course in a romantic relationship but to justify ruminating over something someone said 20 years ago to the point that you'd consider contacting that person yet again -that's not because you're romantic it's because you probably don't have enough going on by way of positive and fulfilling social interactions with people in the present whether platonic or romantic.

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On 4/30/2022 at 12:50 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Yes stay in the present. Stop emailing him. It's neither romantic nor ridiculous, it's just not viable.

I haven't emailed him since September 2004. As I said though, my fabulous memory won't let me forget him.

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2 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I haven't emailed him since September 2004. As I said though, my fabulous memory won't let me forget him.

You don't have to "forget" him. I remember the guy I had a crush on in the 7th grade. Still remember his name. But I surely won't be emailing him.

Making good memories and having fun times with someone in the present will relegate those memories to what they are, something that happened long ago.

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Posted (edited)
On 4/30/2022 at 1:46 AM, midnightdeirdre said:

I forgot all about him once I made new friends at my new college. I moved on and have been in other relationships. Thing is, I obviously remember him and how he fulfilled my dream of telling me my stuttering was attractive. 

Currently I am single; I recently joined Match. I also have a guy friend I sometimes talk to at night.

Was it just something relating to your stuttering that triggered this fond memory? The first time you were made to feel good about something you were self-conscious about?

Fond memories can be alluring right? It's obvious why you would remember your time with Rick so positively, it was a big thing for you to be told that your stuttering was charming. It's not just about how great a connection you and Rick had, because, we'll get onto this, it doesn't sound like there was that much of a connection, it's about the teasing you'd had for years over stuttering and the fact you'd even fantasised about being told it was attractive. Besides that, you were young and at college for the first year, so it's normal to place more importance on memories you have from this period.

From what I gather, you hung out for bit, had some mostly R-rated fooling about and then he didn't put any further effort in. I imagine that if you take away the fact that he was the first person to give you validation for how you speak, and (I'm presuming) that he was your first makeout then there's not really much to be all that lovestruck over. These things that made it feel special ultimately were nothing to do with Rick and he may have been totally unaware of how significant they made it for you.

It's not unusual for a stutter to be considered cute and endearing and you say that by the time you met Rick, the frequency of stuttering was low enough that he only heard you stutter once. I stuttered a lot when I was younger too, and even though I only stutter rarely now, I'm more self-conscious about it than I should be because I remember a time when it caused me major social difficulties. Most people who know me now might never have heard me stutter and wouldn't really think anything of it if I did stutter in front of them once, but from my perspective I still feel like the kid who could barely get through a lesson without stuttering and being ridiculed.

This may be what happened when you were with Rick, from his perspective, you were cute and you stuttered once, which was cute, and he had no idea it used to be a lot more frequent and that he was giving you validation for something which you had only known ridicule for. That could have happened with any guy you met at college though, the stuttering had reduced to the point where it was no longer a social disability and Rick was the first person to tell you that, and as significant as that moment may have been for you, it wasn't to do with Rick and he may not have even known it was happening.

You've moved on and probably wouldn't be satisfied with the level of affection you got from Rick if you were to get it from someone you dated now. Significant moments in our lives don't always take place in locations or amongst people who have any greater value to us beyond the fact that they were simply there at the time. It's perfectly alright to have a fondness for those memories but also be aware that everything positive that came out of that is still a part of you, and not a part of anyone else, and there is nothing that can be rekindled by reaching out to people if those people did not remain significant in your life in any way beyond being there at the time.

 

Edited by Carnatic
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Ask yourself also -if the only way to contact him now was to call him on the phone and have to reach him in person would you do it? Before the internet, before cell phones it was much harder to reach out years later -and often impossible.  For sure it's also at times less intrusive to contact someone via Facebook etc than calling but my sense is if you had to call him you'd recognize that it wasn't a good idea.

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On 4/29/2022 at 4:21 AM, Kwothe28 said:

"High School Sweetheart" as in the guy she was with in high school. Not some random guy that you almost gave HJ once. Even then, listening to Jenny McCarthy about anything is very bad.

Ok, good point about high-school-sweetheart vs a one-time-fling.

Also, Jenny McCarthy really isn't the wacky-silly-girl she pretended to be back in the 90s. She has since said it was all a facade to get attention. And of course it worked. But if you look at footage and photos from the past 15 years, you'll see she appears "normal" and not goofy at all. She stood her ground and stayed true to her real self. I'd say that's worth listening to her on that one.

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1 hour ago, midnightdeirdre said:

But if you look at footage and photos from the past 15 years, you'll see she appears "normal" and not goofy at all.

I wouldn't ever focus on footage and photos of a celebrity to evaluate whether she is true to herself.  Only those who actually know and are close to her might know that.

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2 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Jenny McCarthy really isn't the wacky-silly-girl she pretended to be back in the 90s. 

Although she is an ASD "activist", her views are not scientific and quite controversial. You can find better role models.

Back to your highschool flame. Don't live in the past. You're old enough to date real people in real life so try that.

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2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Although she is an ASD "activist", her views are not scientific and quite controversial. You can find better role models.

Back to your highschool flame. Don't live in the past. You're old enough to date real people in real life so try that.

She is not a real activist even as you point out . She tortured her autistic child with therapies that actually kill people. She is a NUT. 

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3 hours ago, Seraphim said:

She is not a real activist even as you point out . She tortured her autistic child with therapies that actually kill people. She is a NUT. 

I know, I know! She said herself that a week before her son was diagnosed, she saw a TIME magazine about autistic children and thought, "Thank God my son doesn't have autism." <---That right there says that if her own precious little son was not diagnosed, she would have done zilch about autism at all.

But the part of her that preaches to stay true to who you are and not be fake for other's approval; a definite plus for her, without a doubt. ❤️

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You have to wonder about someone who is “ true to themselves “ and tortures their kid. I am pretty true to myself and take a lot of flack for it because at my heart I am blunt AF when I am not masking it . But I am very kind at heart as well. There is true to yourself and nut job. You decide. 

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2 hours ago, Seraphim said:

You have to wonder about someone who is “ true to themselves “ and tortures their kid. 

I wouldn't say she tortured her son. She loved him so much and tried to cure him of his autism, trying everything in her power to do it. I mean, she meant no harm.

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1 minute ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I wouldn't say she tortured her son. She loved him so much and tried to cure him of his autism, trying everything in her power to do it. I mean, she meant no harm.

There is no “ cure” for Autism and nor should people try to “ cure “ it. It isn’t a disease. It is a neurology. It needs acceptance not people like her. I can’t stand the woman. 

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2 hours ago, Seraphim said:

There is no “ cure” for Autism and nor should people try to “ cure “ it. It isn’t a disease. It is a neurology. It needs acceptance not people like her. I can’t stand the woman. 

Case in point, why I said it's bittersweet that she helped make autism a household name.

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19 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Case in point, why I said it's bittersweet that she helped make autism a household name.

No, she didn't and if she brought it more into the public eye it was basically in a negative way.  My nephew was diagnosed in the mid 90s and we already were learning a great deal about it.

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3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No, she didn't and if she brought it more into the public eye it was basically in a negative way.  My nephew was diagnosed in the mid 90s and we already were learning a great deal about it.

Correct she brought attention to deadly “ therapies” . The adult Autistic community despises her . 

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4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

No, she didn't and if she brought it more into the public eye it was basically in a negative way.  My nephew was diagnosed in the mid 90s and we already were learning a great deal about it.

This makes me sad because I've always wished that I was diagnosed at a much earlier age. I became clinically depressed at age 8 and then began stuttering at age 9. Things went downhill from there for awhile.

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I don't think it's in any way romantic at all.  I actually find it rather disturbing to be honest.  I note from your threads in general that you seem to live your life in some kind of fantasy world and dredge up a lot of things from the past.  You need to get back to the real world, the present, and realise that all those people from your past have long moved on, married with children etc etc.  You can't possibly out of the blue send people emails after 18 or 20 years and expect them to pick up from where you left off 20 years ago. Just because you seem to live in a fantasy world doesn't mean they are too.  Many could have forgotten who are you anyway.  Definitely not romantic (imo).

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9 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

This makes me sad because I've always wished that I was diagnosed at a much earlier age. I became clinically depressed at age 8 and then began stuttering at age 9. Things went downhill from there for awhile.

My nephew wasn't diagnosed early either.  I'm sorry that you are disappointed in how it went. That has happened to many people with ASD and also ADHD, dyslexia, bipolar, etc - my father wasn't diagnosed with depression till later -this was in the 1950s.

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14 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Case in point, why I said it's bittersweet that she helped make autism a household name.

I was curious and looked her up. She started to speak publicly about autism in 2007, maybe people have less negative views on autism now than they did back then, but that's no thanks to her. There was plenty of autism 'awareness' back then but really only in the negative sense where people like her encouraged a kind of fear of autism and of autistic people.

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A support group might be better. I think you're longing for company or to feel accepted by a community of people who understand you or value you, not judging you based on your stutter or ASD. Don't be afraid to make new friends and go outside of your comfort zone. The right guy will come along.

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