Romantic or Ridiculous?

[midnightdeirdre]

As most of you know, I'm autistic. I began stuttering at age 9 as a result. When I was 13, I remember vowing to myself that I would have unprotected sex with any guy who said my stutter was sexy/attractive. (Dramatic, I know.)

Age 19, my first year of college (2003-2004) I met this young janitor named Rick. (Not his real name.) He cleaned the main building at night, and I spent a few evenings accompanying him. At one point, he told me my stuttering was "charming."

When he said that? I. Froze. I remember just sitting there, staring at him in pure shock. I mean, it had finally happened---after being teased almost daily for 10 years for my stuttering, a guy had finally said it was attractive. 

While Rick and I didn't have sex, we did eventually make-out passionately and I almost gave him a hand job. We exchanged email addresses (his I believe was actually his brother's), and over the Summer 2004 I sent him many emails, always including a photo of myself. He didn't respond to ONE. (He told me at school that he has "shy problems.") 

I can't help but think about him sometimes. I even googled his email address recently. From what I've gathered, it's still in use.

Jenny McCarthy has told a similar story: Her parents divorced, and then her mother met up with her high school sweetheart after 30 years of being apart. They are now back together.

I think you can guess where I'm going with this. Should I email him? (I've looked him up on Facebook, to no avail.) 

If you agree it would be romantic, what should I say? If you agree it's ridiculous, any kind of helpful feedback is encouraged. Thanks.  ❤️

 

 

[Coily]

I think in this case you should let the past be the past. Had the two of you had a few month or year relationship then maybe; however he didn't respond to your emails. While he may have been wrapped up in the moment, he clearly did not take any action to further a relationship with you then.

I get wanting to reconnect with an old flame, someone who stirred your heart and possibly loins. But without a deep and meaningful relationship to rekindle, you are opening yourself up to far more pain. I genuinely hope you do not reach out to him, for your sake.

Can I ask what has happened that made you fantasize about this past intense moment?

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I sent him many emails, always including a photo of myself. He didn't respond to ONE.

This would tell me all I'd need to know.

[boltnrun]

After 18 years, no, sorry. You two had an encounter but not a relationship and he didn't respond 18 years ago.

Remember, the president of the United States stutters. It's not something that needs to hold you back. 

[maew]

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

This would tell me all I'd need to know.

same same.

[DarkCh0c0]

There's nothing to relish here. And no romance. You had a fling and it was good while it lasted. The fact he didn't reply back confirms that it was just a fling/temporary.

Time to move on to better options!

Edited April 29 by DarkCh0c0
Typo

[Wiseman2]

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men.

You can't backpedal 20 years and hope to have success with dating.

 

[Kwothe28]

"High School Sweetheart" as in the guy she was with in high school. Not some random guy that you almost gave HJ once. Even then, listening to Jenny McCarthy about anything is very bad. Not how life works, OP. Sorry, but it is ridiculouus to expect anything out of situation like that.

Explore why do you entertain such an idea in the first place. Are you afraid to get back out there and date? Are you inclined to very fictional scenarios? Because its highly unusual even for "dreamers" to go that far. 

[DarkCh0c0]

OP have you been in an actual relationship since 2005? Are you now single?

[MissCanuck]

No, I would not email him. 

It’s been nearly 20 years and he never indicated that he had a romantic interest. He also ignored all your previous emails. 

You would be best to leave this alone and not try to reach that far into the past, especially when there was never really anything there to begin with. 

[Rose Mosse]

No, it's ok. Just have it in your memory bank and think back fondly. How are things going for you now? 

[melancholy123]

Just let it go.  He never replied to you, ever, so that should tell you he's never been interested in you.  Move on.

[HeartGoesOn]

Unless you want to go back to square one, I'd work on leaving the past in the past, and start moving forward.

Keep in mind that falling on your face is still moving forward.

[smackie9]

You weren't sweethearts, you pawed all over each other briefly. It may have meant something to you but it didn't mean much to him.... Hence him never responding to your emails or giving you a bunk email. My perspective, I suspect he picked up how vulnerable/insecure you were with your stuttering, and played on that (giving you a compliment) knowing it could get him some action. And it did work. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this was not destiny/love affair you are painting this out to be. 

The guy blew you off so there is nothing to go back to. Move forward not backwards, get a good dating profile, and start meeting new people. 

[midnightdeirdre]

13 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

The fact he didn't reply back confirms that it was just a fling/temporary.

When we parted ways for that Summer, he implied he did want to have a relationship with me, hence why I sent him all those emails. As I also said, he told me he "has shy problems" and "didn't have any friends when I was little, I had anger problems."

lol, so I suspect that the real reason he never replied was because of his said "problems," not because he wasn't interested. And I actually accompanied him quite a few nights when he cleaned the main building many times that year, so it wasn't truly a ONE night fling.

[midnightdeirdre]

4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

My perspective, I suspect he picked up how vulnerable/insecure you were with your stuttering, and played on that (giving you a compliment) knowing it could get him some action. And it did work. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this was not destiny/love affair you are painting this out to be.

I didn't even stutter that much, just once when I was with him. I said, "Sorry, I have a bit of a stutter" to which he said, "It's charming." lol I swear I felt total shock radiating through my entire being when he said that. And the make-out session/pawing didn't happen until a month or two later.

[boltnrun]

Ok, but wasn't all of this 18 years ago? And didn't he choose not to respond to your emails?

Instead of reaching into the murky past for romance, how about doing things to help you meet the right person now and for the future?

[Tinydance]

My suggestion would be not to do it. It's been nearly twenty years and I'm sorry to say it but he has probably forgotten about you. He could be married with kids by now. Also I don't think he wanted a relationship with you even back then because I'm sure he got all your E-mails and he chose to ignore all of them. He wasn't really that shy, I think he just told you that to reject you more gently. If he was super shy he wouldn't have been making out with you and getting a hand job. He was perfectly confident to do that but then he was too shy to write back to even one E-mail? I think that's pretty unlikely.

[waffle]

I'm confused.  If he didn't respond back in 2004, what makes you think he would now?

Like at least one other has pointed out, he could be married now or otherwise unavailable.  I'd pass on trying to find him.  Have you dated in the meantime?

[midnightdeirdre]

15 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

OP have you been in an actual relationship since 2005? Are you now single?

I forgot all about him once I made new friends at my new college. I moved on and have been in other relationships. Thing is, I obviously remember him and how he fulfilled my dream of telling me my stuttering was attractive. 

Currently I am single; I recently joined Match. I also have a guy friend I sometimes talk to at night.

[midnightdeirdre]

16 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Are you afraid to get back out there and date? Are you inclined to very fictional scenarios?

I'd say you hit the nail right on the head with those two points. I'm very romantic, yet I've been pretty unlucky in the love department. I've had a misconception for most of my life about what a "soulmate" truly is. Thankfully I've never married. 

[smackie9]

16 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I didn't even stutter that much, just once when I was with him. I said, "Sorry, I have a bit of a stutter" to which he said, "It's charming." lol I swear I felt total shock radiating through my entire being when he said that. And the make-out session/pawing didn't happen until a month or two later.

Did he ever take you out for dinner? buy you flowers? introduce you to friends, family? Just because a guy says this or that, doesn't mean it's the truth.

[Seraphim]

He could almost be a grandpa by now or almost adult kids for all you know and married and happy. Leave it alone. 

[Kwothe28]

17 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I'd say you hit the nail right on the head with those two points. I'm very romantic, yet I've been pretty unlucky in the love department. I've had a misconception for most of my life about what a "soulmate" truly is. Thankfully I've never married. 

Lots of people are romantics. However, you need to manage your expectations better. Being romantic with somebody who is in a relationship with you is fine. Thinking that you will magically connect after 20 years with some guy from high school, when you dont even know anything about him and when he already didnt want to be with you, is way up in clouds. I read some other thread of yours, so maybe the autism affects that your head is that much in clouds(because I think you said it there it does). But you need to try to manage that. 

For example, why not switch it for something that is actually more realistic? Like being proactive, going out, maybe enrolling to some interesting course and believing that you will meet that soulmate soon? Its still a shot in the dark, but its a way better plan to actually meet somebody to share that romantic connection.

[Wiseman2]

On 1/20/2022 at 3:37 PM, midnightdeirdre said:

I'm autistic. I began stuttering at age 9 as a result. From 9 to 14 my stuttering was horrible. I've observed that my stuttering improved  Otherwise, my autism still seems the same. (Obsessions, living in the past, etc.)

Yes stay in the present. Stop emailing him. It's neither romantic nor ridiculous, it's just not viable.

Edited April 30 by Wiseman2