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who to believe?


barbaracash
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Basically, to make this short, i’ve been talking to this guy and his ways aren’t too favorable. Multiple people have been telling me different things about him and how I should stand clear or be careful. A few days ago, a group of his guys friends were hanging out and my friend overheard them saying how he was “playing me”. I ignored this and continued to talk to him. Today, this girl tells me that the guy i’ve been talking to has a girlfriend. I didn’t want to believe it so I just continued about to my day not speaking to him. Then I get a text when I get home and it’s him curious as to why I didn’t speak to him. I tell him without revealing my source of information because she said that he told her specifically not to tell me. Not only her, but a mutual friend of ours said the same thing, about some girl that he claimed to be his girlfriend. But it just doesn’t make sense to me, we are on the phone literally all day. He has no time to talk to anyone else. And he swore on so many things he wasn’t. I know people lie easily but I actually wanna believe him and I think i’m dumb. He keeps reassuring me that he’s not talking to anyone else. He also mentioned the fact that the girl who told me this used to like him. So the question is do I believe him and let it play out because I actually really do like him and the way we talk is so genuine or do I believe the rumors I keep hearing about him.

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1 hour ago, barbaracash said:

i’ve been talking to this guy and his ways aren’t too favorable. Multiple people have been telling me different things about him

What exactly does he do, and what have you been warned about? 

1 hour ago, barbaracash said:

But it just doesn’t make sense to me, we are on the phone literally all day.

Do you two go on dates? Or are you just talking on the phone? 

In my experience, something is usually off when several people are warning you about someone. If it were coming from just one person, it might be eaiser to chalk it up to a hidden agenda. But I rather doubt multiple people care enough to have an ulterior motive. That sounds more like a well-earned poor reputation that they're trying to bring to your attention. 

Keep you eyes and ears open. 

 

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1 hour ago, barbaracash said:

, i’ve been talking to this guy and his ways aren’t too favorable.  we are on the phone literally all day. He has no time to talk to anyone else. 

How long have you been talking? Do you work together? Are you dating? 

Where is all this hearsay from? Why are you "on the phone all day" if you are not even dating? Have you met in person?

 

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Listen to your friends who want your best, and not some stranger you're dating.

That's the rule of thumb you need to follow.

If you want to ignore the red flags and keep going, then keep your eyes and ears open and watch his actions- not words. How many days have you been to with this guy? How are they?

Edited by DarkCh0c0
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Why are you talking all day to a man and you don't even know whether he is single? How do you all have this time? Of course he has time to be with other women - or pursue other women - don't assume.  If he's not asking you to meet for a proper date that is a reason to stop "talking".

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I think its enough for you to question some stuff. One digruntled ex or some girl that likes him spreading rumors, is enough to wonder if he is a "player" or there was something going on there. Add that even your friends warn you about it and that is one too many warnings. You wont hear stuff like that about decent guy/girl. But for people who dont behave in a decent way, you will always hear stuff like that. There is always some crazy ex, somebody who spreads rumors about them etc. Even though in all those stories there is one common demoninator- them.

Also, just because he messages you, doesnt mean he doesnt message 5 more girls in the same way. Today its very easy to keep contact with multiple persons without one hearing for another. So unless you are spending that time with him in person, dont assume he doesnt spend his time on others. So, open 4 eyes and take care.

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8 hours ago, barbaracash said:

Basically, to make this short, i’ve been talking to this guy and his ways aren’t too favorable. 

Cut bait now before you get in too deep.  Because if you don't, you're going to be one of those who finds out down the road that what you were hearing was only the tip of the iceberg and by this time you're trapped (trapped by your own mind) and trying to "fix" the relationship and "fix" him because you lurrrrrrrve him.  Save yourself the time and the heartache.  And frankly, the ones who seemingly have the least amount of time to play multiple women are always the ones who find a way to do it.

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So you are saying, all these people including your friends have it all wrong or are lying to you and one person (him) is telling you the truth? Does that make any sense?

Edited by smackie9
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My thoughts are, rather than guess who's right or wrong I'd go by what I do know, which is something seems off.

It doesn't make any sense to invest your time when you have  doubts about his character, and/or a person whom you feel the need to analyze his every move.

As the say, "trust, but cut the cards."

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