Mixed Signals

[SirIssacNutin]

I've been seeing this girl for about 3 weeks now. I've seen her 5 times now. Every time we are together it is amazing chemistry, easy flowing conversation, intimate, etc. She has told me personal things about her life and so on and so forth. So when you see that part, you'd think "yeah, she's definitely interested". But when it comes to texting, she takes a decent amount of time to reply but at least the messages are substantial and keep the conversation going. And then she will say she wants to do so and so with me and then it doesn't end up happening. I saw her yesterday. We went to a movie and she was cuddling all up on me and everything. We got a drink afterwards and she was talking about coming over to my place and having a lazy day with me tomorrow (which was today). Then today comes and she doesn't even bring it up and I ask if she still planned on coming over and she said as long as she finished her paper. Then she texts me a few hours later talking about her wrist hurting and then asked me how my day was. I don't know if she is worried about getting attached to quick or what. I just feel like the way we are when we are in person that it seems like a no brainer she is into me. What do you guys think?

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, SirIssacNutin said:

. Every time we are together it is amazing chemistry, easy flowing conversation, intimate, etc. But when it comes to texting, she takes a decent amount of time to reply 

Texting is not dating. Decide if having in person chemistry, good dates, intimacy etc is what you want or if you want a textbuddy.

Try to cut the umbilical cord to the phone. 

[Kwothe28]

She seems into you. However, after 5 dates you should at least know where you stand and not wonder the same. Her telling you intimate details of her life, or cuddling, is a part of the relationship, but can also be a friends thing. But she is way too comfortable with you(at least with words) and even wants to go to your home alone, so there is that. Try to escalate a situation a bit more next time and see where it leads or what she says.

[Batya33]

I wouldn't like the person being unreliable so early on especially. If you have a time/place for a date or a plan to confirm the time then each of you should follow up reliably barring an emergency.  I wouldn't mind about the texting unless it relates to making or confirming plans or a promise to get back to you in X amount of time.  

If she is unreliable one more time tell her how you feel about it -over the phone or in person -not typing "I feel disrespected and hurt when we make plans and you don't follow through"

I don't see where there is any confusion here -she likes hanging out with you when it is convenient for her.  She likes chatting with you and cuddling with you.  At this time she is not interested in making it a priority to see you or to put in the effort to make a plan to see you.

  Figure out if that meets your standards -some people like to be "spontaneous" meaning they like an arrangement where they can be passive and hang out last minute and not have to go to the effort of making a plan in advance and keep it.  Others like to be spontaneous about the type of activity but make a plan to spend a specific day or evening together and decide more last minute what activity to do.  I am fine with the latter within limits. I'm not fine with the former especially if it's a one on one plan.  Figure out your standards.  

[smackie9]

Sounds like a college friend of mine...she mismanaged her time. She always lost track of time or no concept of time, always ran late, had to delay meeting up, disorganized, and sometimes unreliable. Nicest person you would ever meet, has a big heart, but just couldn't get her $%^& together. It was weird to me because I never met anyone like this. She knew she was bad with time, but never changed. People would say she had too many irons in the fire.

So I think this lovely lady you are seeing has a similar problem...she doesn't know how to manage her time properly. Probably feels bad for making promises, shies away from the topic and says nothing. This is just her personality/behaviour. I'm sure other people have brought it up with her. I guess all you can do is play it by ear, and observe. If it gets bad or it really bugs you say something to her or cut your losses.

[reinventmyself]

or it could be she rethought the *lazy day of hanging out . . assuming it may lead to something she may not be altogether ready for. 

She seems like she's into you.  

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Sounds like a college friend of mine...she mismanaged her time. She always lost track of time or no concept of time, always ran late, had to delay meeting up, disorganized, and sometimes unreliable. Nicest person you would ever meet, has a big heart, but just couldn't get her $%^& together. It was weird to me because I never met anyone like this. She knew she was bad with time, but never changed. People would say she had too many irons in the fire.

So I think this lovely lady you are seeing has a similar problem...she doesn't know how to manage her time properly. Probably feels bad for making promises, shies away from the topic and says nothing. This is just her personality/behaviour. I'm sure other people have brought it up with her. I guess all you can do is play it by ear, and observe. If it gets bad or it really bugs you say something to her or cut your losses.

It depends though on the OP's priorities.  The loveliness might be offset by the flakiness.  I had a friend like this and she was a delight to be around and constantly late/flaky.  One time I simply started eating (and finished eating) lunch without her -I was pregnant feeling faint/dehydrated and she was in a taxi and arrived over an hour late -again (no she did not know I was pregnant).  Sometimes it's a time management issue only. Often it reflects insensitivity and selfishness when the person subjects other people to waiting around, not making other plans in reliance, etc.