Jump to content

Can I prevent myself from cheating?

Chester 39

Recommended Posts

1 minute ago, Lambert said:

stay single only engage with other singles. 

I think he shouldn't marry this person and perhaps do some inner work with self help resources including maybe a therapist and it's also possible he hasn't met the right person yet and is now desperate to be married because it is "meaningful"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I married my husband despite being less than enthusiastic about marrying him (no, it wasn't a sex issue).  I knew it was likely not a great idea (understatement) but I went ahead anyway.  We ended up divorced, of course, because I hadn't really wanted to get married and decided I wanted to be single.  It sucked to put our young son through that when it all could have been avoided if I'd just stuck to my guns and asked for more time.  I don't regret marrying him because I have my wonderful son, but it would have been better to hold off or not marry him at all.

Why did I marry him?  Well, partly because he gave me an ultimatum ("marry me or lose me") and partly because he's a good man who was loyal and who took good care of me while we were dating.  But I knew I didn't love him the way a wife should love her husband.

Please at the very least hold off on marrying your fiancée until you can deal with these thoughts of wanting sex with other women.  Yes, it's totally normal to find other women attractive and even have fantasies but if you fear you'll actually act on them it's better to hold off.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

23 hours ago, Seraphim said:

If you are thinking every day of cheating you don’t love her and are not ready to be married, period. Answer to not cheating ? Break up and don’t get married. Figure yourself out first . 

^ I was going to say the exact same thing.  You should remain single for as long as it takes. Get it out of your system. You don't seem particularly interested in your fiancee - the impression one gets is that your feelings for her are rather lukewarm.  It is unfair to her (imo).  How would YOU feel knowing she is constantly thinking of having sex with other men and cheating on you?

Moral of the story - don't get married.  Weddings are expensive .... and divorce equally expensive.  What a waste of her time and money - and yours.  Stay single.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are focusing on the wrong issue here.

You are about to marry a woman that you rarely have sex with.  That is the problem, not thinking about sex with other women.

 Time to have a frank discussion with your fiance and get this all out in the open.

Explain why you aren't intimate with your gf.  Is it you or her avoiding sex?

Is there some other outside force, medical issue, living arrangements, physical attraction causing the lack of sex?

 You don't have a strong intimate  connection with your gf and I would guess no passion either so your mind wonders off to a fantasy.  Time to address the elephant in the room neither of you are talking about.


  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 4/22/2022 at 5:31 PM, Chester 39 said:

I want to be married because it feels meaningful to me spending my life with the same person, rather than just having cheap sex all my life. We have been together 5 years, and I've pretty much always had these thoughts. Even when I've had other girlfriends in the past, it seems that I am always attracted to other women--though, I've never acted on it. 


This is normal hormones talking to you. You are viewing the menu but not ordering....that is what many (not all) people do. Have little crushes, fantasies, noting attractiveness, checking out body parts, etc. Whatever goes on in your head is no one's business. So far you haven't cheated because you know your boundaries....so what makes it different now? The thought of forever with the same person? that is called cold feet. If it's very bothersome maybe a few sessions with a therapist will help you sort these tendencies you have of thinking about romping on multiple women. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 4/22/2022 at 8:49 PM, arjumand said:

Just to clarify -- are you under the impression that you should no longer be attracted to other women? Because that is completely ridiculous -- people in long-term relationships are attracted to others.

that old saw holds true, "just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean I can't look at the menu" applies to both genders 😉  you didn't go blind, by criminy.  cut yourself some slack and you can even go home and laugh about it.  main thing is, if you want to act on those thoughts, you need to go sit your honey down and discuss.  i remember when i was a newlywed and i sat next to this gorgeous belgian dude in first class and he accidentally fell asleep on my shoulder (!) he smelled good, i looked at his mouth and yes, it did cross my mind to kiss him but of course i refrained.  to me, because we had that type of relationship where we had already agreed we make the rules:  it was funny to go home and tell the story to husband.  he, secure man that he was/is, had a belly laugh with me.   would not have been nearly so funny if i actually kissed a freakin' stranger on a plane...

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • How To Make A Woman Want You Sexually (Guide To Building Her Interest And Sexual Attraction)
      Learn how to make a woman want you sexually! In today's video we're talking about sexual attraction and how you make a woman want you! We're going to be discussing some useful tips you can put to work to get a woman interested in you and building that sexual desire. Often men think they know exactly what women want, men in sports cars with big houses a big wallet and a bad boy attitude. This might be what the ladies want in movies but not in real life it's very different. To know what a lady wants you need to understand what you need to do to make her want you sexually. Imagine if you knew the secret formula to do this, the one that tells you exactly what women want sexually. The formula would let you know exactly what you need to do to get a woman to fall into your arms, sounds too good to be true right? Well it's not! It's as easy as being mindful of your own behaviour and adopting steel-proof boundaries. Want to know some more? Well don't move an inch.

      • 0 replies
    • How to know when he's really fallen in LOVE
      You’re falling in love with your man deeper every day, but you don’t know if he feels the same way for you. It’s natural to want to know his feelings for you. What happens when he doesn’t say it or he’s not the type to say that? His actions tell you he loves you, but you could be wrong, right? So how do you know when he’s really in love with you? It’s not always so easy, but it’s not impossible either!

      • 0 replies
    • 6 Psychological Secrets of Attraction
      Knowing whether or not someone is “into you” can be incredibly difficult if they don’t explicitly say it. In this video, we will be looking at some psychological secrets of attraction.

      • 0 replies
    • This Healing Mindset That Helps Overcome Trauma Symptoms
      If you grew up with neglect and abuse, you've needed time to talk about what happened, and how parents and others treated you. But THEN what? Once you've acknowledged the past and gained an understanding of how you developed symptoms of trauma, how can you overcome those symptoms, and move forward with building a happy and fulfilled life? In this video I teach about the two general categories of comments I see on my channel, and what that suggestions about the commenter's readiness to heal.

      • 0 replies
    • "I Want A Girlfriend" Do THIS First
      I want a girlfriend. Have you ever found yourself thinking "I want a girlfriend" but you're not quite sure if you're actually ready for one? Before you go about doing anything else it's important to make sure that you actually need a girlfriend right now.

        • Like
      • 0 replies
  • Create New...