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Can I prevent myself from cheating?


Chester 39
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1 minute ago, Lambert said:

stay single only engage with other singles. 

I think he shouldn't marry this person and perhaps do some inner work with self help resources including maybe a therapist and it's also possible he hasn't met the right person yet and is now desperate to be married because it is "meaningful"

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I married my husband despite being less than enthusiastic about marrying him (no, it wasn't a sex issue).  I knew it was likely not a great idea (understatement) but I went ahead anyway.  We ended up divorced, of course, because I hadn't really wanted to get married and decided I wanted to be single.  It sucked to put our young son through that when it all could have been avoided if I'd just stuck to my guns and asked for more time.  I don't regret marrying him because I have my wonderful son, but it would have been better to hold off or not marry him at all.

Why did I marry him?  Well, partly because he gave me an ultimatum ("marry me or lose me") and partly because he's a good man who was loyal and who took good care of me while we were dating.  But I knew I didn't love him the way a wife should love her husband.

Please at the very least hold off on marrying your fiancée until you can deal with these thoughts of wanting sex with other women.  Yes, it's totally normal to find other women attractive and even have fantasies but if you fear you'll actually act on them it's better to hold off.

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23 hours ago, Seraphim said:

If you are thinking every day of cheating you don’t love her and are not ready to be married, period. Answer to not cheating ? Break up and don’t get married. Figure yourself out first . 

^ I was going to say the exact same thing.  You should remain single for as long as it takes. Get it out of your system. You don't seem particularly interested in your fiancee - the impression one gets is that your feelings for her are rather lukewarm.  It is unfair to her (imo).  How would YOU feel knowing she is constantly thinking of having sex with other men and cheating on you?

Moral of the story - don't get married.  Weddings are expensive .... and divorce equally expensive.  What a waste of her time and money - and yours.  Stay single.

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You are focusing on the wrong issue here.

You are about to marry a woman that you rarely have sex with.  That is the problem, not thinking about sex with other women.

 Time to have a frank discussion with your fiance and get this all out in the open.

Explain why you aren't intimate with your gf.  Is it you or her avoiding sex?

Is there some other outside force, medical issue, living arrangements, physical attraction causing the lack of sex?

 You don't have a strong intimate  connection with your gf and I would guess no passion either so your mind wonders off to a fantasy.  Time to address the elephant in the room neither of you are talking about.

 Lost

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On 4/22/2022 at 5:31 PM, Chester 39 said:

I want to be married because it feels meaningful to me spending my life with the same person, rather than just having cheap sex all my life. We have been together 5 years, and I've pretty much always had these thoughts. Even when I've had other girlfriends in the past, it seems that I am always attracted to other women--though, I've never acted on it. 

 

This is normal hormones talking to you. You are viewing the menu but not ordering....that is what many (not all) people do. Have little crushes, fantasies, noting attractiveness, checking out body parts, etc. Whatever goes on in your head is no one's business. So far you haven't cheated because you know your boundaries....so what makes it different now? The thought of forever with the same person? that is called cold feet. If it's very bothersome maybe a few sessions with a therapist will help you sort these tendencies you have of thinking about romping on multiple women. 

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On 4/22/2022 at 8:49 PM, arjumand said:

Just to clarify -- are you under the impression that you should no longer be attracted to other women? Because that is completely ridiculous -- people in long-term relationships are attracted to others.

that old saw holds true, "just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean I can't look at the menu" applies to both genders 😉  you didn't go blind, by criminy.  cut yourself some slack and you can even go home and laugh about it.  main thing is, if you want to act on those thoughts, you need to go sit your honey down and discuss.  i remember when i was a newlywed and i sat next to this gorgeous belgian dude in first class and he accidentally fell asleep on my shoulder (!) he smelled good, i looked at his mouth and yes, it did cross my mind to kiss him but of course i refrained.  to me, because we had that type of relationship where we had already agreed we make the rules:  it was funny to go home and tell the story to husband.  he, secure man that he was/is, had a belly laugh with me.   would not have been nearly so funny if i actually kissed a freakin' stranger on a plane...

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