What would you say?

[Lambert]

I mentioned on another thread that I met this guy, he asked me out but he never followed through with the date. I was disappointed but let it go. At some point he reached out and said he was sorry that he got scared meeting new people since his divorce.

I was like that's ok good luck. Then he reached out to me again and asked me out again.  And again no follow through. I did nothing. I let it just drop.

Ok. this is where it gets weird.  My Dad was rushed to the ER with shortness of breath and long story short the guy is now my Dad's cardiologist! 

He was great at the hospital, a good doctor and friend to me through this and AGAIN he asks me out. 

My dad is now out of the hospital and I texted the guy something about my Dad and he responded on that and then followed up " I think for now I shouldn't go out yet. I still need to process everything... grumble grumble. Sorry. "

My question is- what should I say? Should I keep it simple and just respond "of course" or should I thank him for helping my dad and blah blah blah that maybe we'll see what happens in the future? 

I'm all for no contact until he would decide he does want to go out. Aka not remaining friends at all. Where I am struggling is as a primary care giver to my elderly parents, I need this guy. being able to ask him behind the scenes etc has been a God send. So want to tread easy and with kindness knowing we have a common goal- my dad's health and treatment. I can definitely go into dad only communication. 

But what to say to the specific dating aspect?

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Lambert said:

My Dad was rushed to the ER with shortness of breath and long story short the guy is now my Dad's cardiologist! 

I am struggling is as a primary care giver to my elderly parents, I need this guy. being able to ask him behind the scenes etc has been a God send.

Sorry to hear this . Hope your father is doing well. Strange coincidence. Stay in touch professionally.

He was flakey before but in this case stay in touch. In fact perhaps being your father's doctor makes things too awkward for him. 

Yes tell him thanks for the help with your father, but don't bring  up the dating thing he mentioned.

Even though he's a cardiologist, be careful with those heart emojis💗💖💘💝😍🥰😘

[Pleasedonot5]

I think you should keep it short. Something like "Okay. Thanks for all the help with my Dad. Best of luck out there." And then I would advise not responding to the guy -- or politely declining -- if he asks you out again. People can speak with well-crafted sophistry that makes you feel great in the moment. But at the end of the day, their actions clarify their true intentions. The actions here are that he has asked you out several times, but consistently has never followed through. How many times are you going to get your hopes up for this person, only for him to let them dwindle?

[Lambert]

@Wiseman2

Thank you! Your thoughts match mine. Super flaky on his end and really not a good thing to get involved with. 

@Pleasedonot5

Thank you!  I also agree with you. If he should ask, I should decline. 

As of right now.  I'm just going to not respond at all.  I already thanked him many times for his help with my dad. I don't need to keep doing that. 

I think silence sends a message, too. I can be professional and distant in any interactions with him. If an event should arise that i need him in the capacity to help my father.  I could always text him and say I hope he doesn't mind me asking him directly. That would give him the opportunity to say- call my office.

At the end of the day, as I advise many on this forum, there are plenty of men in the world to date. I am willing to forget this little goofy dance we had... Just help my dad. I've done nothing wrong. 

Thank you. To anyone else reading this, if you have a different perspective on the response, I'm interested in hearing it. 

thank you! 

[Kwothe28]

I think you should answer. Because you still "need" the guy for consultations around medical stuff. And most importantly because, well at least around here, doctors are a bit on egotistical side. Not all but lots of them. But just short and polite, nothing that would get into more messages about it. This will do

34 minutes ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

"Okay. Thanks for all the help with my Dad. Best of luck out there."

As for a dating side, yes, he chickened out 3 times so there isnt prospect there. Dont get why even he asked 3 times when he pulled out of it every time lol

[Rose Mosse]

In the face of life and death I can see an attachment to him as your father's doctor but in reality, you can find a second opinion if you really needed to and you don't owe him any special treatment. He's doing his job. 

He seems a bit confused due to his divorce so I don't think he's an option to date. I wouldn't reply to anything unrelated to your dad's care. Keep it about your dad's health and leave off any discussions about dating. If he wants to take you out on a date and treat you the way you ought to be treated, he may try better and put in way more effort at a different time. Don't spend your precious time waiting around for him. 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, Lambert said:

he got scared meeting new people since his divorce.

Hello Lambert,

Great input from the folks above, and you sound as though you've got your head on straight.

How long has it been since his divorce?

PS: I'm sorry about your Dad, and I wish him a speedy and full recovery.

[Lambert]

1 minute ago, catfeeder said:

Hello Lambert,

Great input from the folks above, and you sound as though you've got your head on straight.

How long has it been since his divorce?

Hi CF

He said it was 5 years and a very ugly divorce. 

 

[DarkCh0c0]

Is this a Grey's anatomy episode?

That aside, he sure is flakey and not serious about you! He does not deserve any extra second of your time.

I wish you father speedy recovery.

[Lambert]

11 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

In the face of life and death I can see an attachment to him as your father's doctor but in reality, you can find a second opinion if you really needed to and you don't owe him any special treatment. He's doing his job. 

He seems a bit confused due to his divorce so I don't think he's an option to date. I wouldn't reply to anything unrelated to your dad's care. Keep it about your dad's health and leave off any discussions about dating. If he wants to take you out on a date and treat you the way you ought to be treated, he may try better at a different time. Don't spend your precious time waiting around for him. 

Thanks Rose.

So are you saying you agree to say nothing at this time? There was no response needed on the health stuff. 

[Lambert]

2 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Is this a Grey's anatomy episode?

That aside, he sure is flakey and not serious about you! He does not deserve any extra second of your time.

I wish you father speedy recovery.

😄 very true and I had the same thoughts. thank you! 

[Lambert]

36 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Dont get why even he asked 3 times when he pulled out of it every time lol

I don't either.  but just because he's educated and successful in a career, doesn't mean he knows what he's doing in other areas. 

I agree with everyone saying he's not a viable candidate for anything on a personal level.

Thank you! 

[Rose Mosse]

41 minutes ago, Lambert said:

Thanks Rose.

So are you saying you agree to say nothing at this time? There was no response needed on the health stuff. 

In regards to "health stuff" I was responding to your question here: "My question is- what should I say? Should I keep it simple and just respond "of course" or should I thank him for helping my dad and blah blah blah that maybe we'll see what happens in the future? "

I don't think it warrants a response or thanks and while that may seem aloof and cold, my point is that it's his job to be giving that level of care to your father. He's not doing anyone any extra favours unless you are texting him a great deal or outside of business hours about health issues regarding your father. 

No, I don't think saying anything to him is necessary. I'd treat this person as a doctor doing his job, not a person you ran into earlier or had known earlier under different circumstances. 

[Lambert]

thanks @Rose Mosse

I agree. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Hello Lambert,

Great input from the folks above, and you sound as though you've got your head on straight.

How long has it been since his divorce?

PS: I'm sorry about your Dad, and I wish him a speedy and full recovery.

Same exact here Lambert - sending good thoughts.  And .... my goodness what a small world! I met a few men who acted like him (through dating sites) - and it was frustrating but I would just move on/cut them off -no time for that nonsense. Sometimes we did have mutual friends so I kept it cordial, etc especially if we saw each other in person.  

[Lambert]

10 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Same exact here Lambert - sending good thoughts.  And .... my goodness what a small world! I met a few men who acted like him (through dating sites) - and it was frustrating but I would just move on/cut them off -no time for that nonsense. Sometimes we did have mutual friends so I kept it cordial, etc especially if we saw each other in person.  

Thanks @Batya33

I think I handled this correctly. I didn't respond. he knows he's asked me out 3 times and flaked on me.  I don't need to be so nice about it just because he happens to be my dad's doctor.

Unfortunately, I encounter a lot of flakes and I just have to keep going.  Hoping for a non-flake to come along one of these days. 😆 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Lambert said:

.  Hoping for a non-flake to come along one of these days. 😆 

Consider a radiologist or forensic pathologist. They tend to have more regular hours. 😜. But stay away from those psychiatrists and their comfy little couches. Forget ob/gyn. They're always on call.

[Tinydance]

I'm sorry if I sound harsh and I live in Australia so maybe doctors are different in other countries. I don't really think you need to keep in touch with this guy on a personal level in order to receive information about your Dad. This guy works as a doctor and he gets paid lots of money for it. So it's actually his job to take good care of his patients.

Unless of course where you live the medical system works on bribery and "who you know", which I know can be the case sometimes. Also if you're your Dad's next of kin on his medical paperwork, you should be given access to his medical records anyway. I also don't think you have to go out of your way to thank this guy for helping your Dad. I mean, of course you can but it's his job. He's supposed to help all his patients.

This guy has asked you out three times and he's flaked on you at least three times. He keeps saying he's not ready to date after his divorce. So why did he keep asking you out??! He's just jerking you around. I'd be like, buh-bye.

 

[Cherylyn]

I wouldn't take him seriously anymore since he habitually acts like a flake (unreliable). 

Maintain a professional relationship with him as you would your dentist or any other doctor.  If you have questions, go through the proper channels for his professional advice regarding your Dad's health concerns.