Why would he act this way? Does he like me/is he flirting or just being friendly?

[Mystic5000]

I was wondering - how can you be sure if a co-worker is ACTUALLY trying to flirt with you vs. them just being friendly at work. Here are some examples that gave "suspicion" of potential flirting -

*He always finds stuff to talk about with me. Even little, pointless things. It's like he absolutely HAS to talk to me.
*He has started randomly using my name. He will say my name to get my attention, randomly use my name in a sentence when it wouldn't truly be necessary to use my name, etc.
*He looks my way a lot. I will look up and catch him staring directly at me. He typically looks away quickly once he sees me look, but sometimes he will keep looking for a few seconds before turning.
*He seems fidgety. He will adjust his clothes or mess around with his hair a lot. He also whistles a lot randomly when I'm around. Recently when we were cleaning up, he walked by me and randomly sang a verse of a song on the radio (he typically doesn't sing to the radio at work - he might whistle to certain songs but not sing).
*He makes direct eye contact when we talk and tries to hold/keep my gaze/attention.
*once he was working directly with me on something and he walked by me and said "huh?". I didn't know what he meant, so I said "what?" and he was like "Oh, I thought you said something". I said no, I hadn't said anything.
*He started wearing cologne and seemed to want me to compliment it. He came over and said someone had said something about it and kept saying he thought it smelled good, so I took the bait and said it smelled nice. He seemed happy with that and made sure I knew what it was called and got me to tell him what I wear too.
*He asked my age. I overheard someone asking him how old he was. He told them then came over to me and told me that person was wanting to know how old "we" were. I knew they hadn't asked "US" anything. It was JUST directed at him. I simply overheard it. He said they told him he looked young then asked me how old I was. I told him and he said what he would have guessed.

So does that sound flirty? How can you tell the difference between true flirting and just being friendly?

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Mystic5000 said:

I was wondering - how can you be sure if a co-worker is ACTUALLY trying to flirt with you vs. them just being friendly at work. 

Do you like him? How old is he? How long have you been working there?

Do you have a BF? Does he have a GF?

It's best to be friendly and professional at work. You don't want to be subject of office gossip.

As much as you have a crush on him, it's best to date outside of work.

[Mystic5000]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you like him? How old is he? How long have you been working there?

Do you have a BF? Does he have a GF?

It's best to be friendly and professional at work. You don't want to be subject of office gossip.

As much as you have a crush on him, it's best to date outside of work.

I like him as a friend and co-worker 100%. Really great in that sense! As far as dating or even hooking up goes? Totally unsure on that.

I am single. Pretty certain he is too. There's been no mention of a girlfriend or anything.

He is a little younger than me, but we are both 21+.

I am friendly to him because I am friendly with all my co-workers. I prefer to maintain a professional and approachable demeanor. I treat everyone the same at work - with respect.

[Batya33]

If you're not sure you want to date him why do you care? The only sign to know if someone is interested in dating you is if the person asks you out on a date.  At work it's a little trickier.  If you're wondering whether he finds you sexually appealing yes perhaps but it doesn't mean he's interested in dating you. I know of many people who enjoy flirting/socializing at work.  And thats all it means -they enjoy those activities.

 

[Jaunty]

Is it common for you to obsessively catalog every interaction that a person has with you at your workplace?  it seems a bit extreme.  

 

[Mystic5000]

10 hours ago, Jaunty said:

Is it common for you to obsessively catalog every interaction that a person has with you at your workplace?  it seems a bit extreme.  

 

Is it common for you to make unnecessary and false assumptions? I hardly "catalog" every interaction. These are simply key interactions that made me wonder if he could possibly be flirting...

[Batya33]

Just now, Mystic5000 said:

Is it common for you to make unnecessary and false assumptions? I hardly "catalog" every interaction. These are simply key interactions that made me wonder if he could possibly be flirting...

Why do you care if he is flirting?

[smackie9]

Ya for sure he's flirting/ mackin on ya. He's trying pretty hard to get your attention. Maybe you are not as receptive to his subtle advances he would like so he keeps trying, before he makes his move. 

[Mystic5000]

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Why do you care if he is flirting?

Does there have to be a reason? Is simply being curious a crime now or something? I just wanted to know if this would be considered flirty behavior or if it was just friendly.

[Mystic5000]

22 hours ago, Batya33 said:

If you're not sure you want to date him why do you care? The only sign to know if someone is interested in dating you is if the person asks you out on a date.  At work it's a little trickier.  If you're wondering whether he finds you sexually appealing yes perhaps but it doesn't mean he's interested in dating you. I know of many people who enjoy flirting/socializing at work.  And thats all it means -they enjoy those activities.

 

I understand that completely. I know tons of people LOVE the "game" of flirting. I wasn't referring to dating or relationship potential. I was simply asking if these sounded like he may be flirting. Now whatever reasons he has for flirting if he is... that will just have to be revealed with more time. He coumd just enjoy the aspect of it or any other number of reasons as you said. I just wanted to know if this behavior would qualify as flirty... or if it wasn't.

[goddess]

I like what Wiseman said:  

It's best to be friendly and professional at work. You don't want to be subject of office gossip.

As much as you have a crush on him, it's best to date outside of work.

That said, if his behaviour isn't considered flirting, I don't know what is!  LOL 

If it turns out to be more than flirting and he asks you out at some point, please make sure that you are discreet.  And, think of the possibility that, if you do go out with him and it doesn't turn out well, it would feel awkward/uncomfortable for you at work. But, if it does, well, I rest my case!  Hope it works out for you whichever way it turns out.

 

[Batya33]

Yes he might be acting in a flirtatious way.  You seem to just want that information for no reason - which I was curious about as it's unusual to be that focused on whether a coworker is flirting.... just out of curiosity.  

[Mystic5000]

2 hours ago, goddess said:

I like what Wiseman said:  

It's best to be friendly and professional at work. You don't want to be subject of office gossip.

As much as you have a crush on him, it's best to date outside of work.

That said, if his behaviour isn't considered flirting, I don't know what is!  LOL 

If it turns out to be more than flirting and he asks you out at some point, please make sure that you are discreet.  And, think of the possibility that, if you do go out with him and it doesn't turn out well, it would feel awkward/uncomfortable for you at work. But, if it does, well, I rest my case!  Hope it works out for you whichever way it turns out.

 

Thank you. I will be cautious. That is why I wanted to be sure this was actual flirting and not just friendliness. I want to be sure I know for sure so I can be careful and be aware more. I'm newer to the dating world (have not had to deal with dating in SO long), so I'm feeling a little rusty when it comes to picking up on if someone is actually truly trying to flirt lol

[Mystic5000]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Yes he might be acting in a flirtatious way.  You seem to just want that information for no reason - which I was curious about as it's unusual to be that focused on whether a coworker is flirting.... just out of curiosity.  

Well, to be perfectly honest with you, I'm newer to the dating world (have not had to deal with dating in SO long), so I'm feeling a little rusty when it comes to picking up on if someone is actually truly trying to flirt. I wanted to give examples and see if others could assist in breaking it down for me so I can better see the signs of real flirting vs being friendly. That way I can be carefum in work settings, navigate awkward situations (in which someone is trying to flirt but I don't want to pursue them) and of course how to help MYSELF with recognizing if someone I'm interested in may be flirting with me.

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Mystic5000 said:

Well, to be perfectly honest with you, I'm newer to the dating world (have not had to deal with dating in SO long), so I'm feeling a little rusty when it comes to picking up on if someone is actually truly trying to flirt. I wanted to give examples and see if others could assist in breaking it down for me so I can better see the signs of real flirting vs being friendly. That way I can be carefum in work settings, navigate awkward situations (in which someone is trying to flirt but I don't want to pursue them) and of course how to help MYSELF with recognizing if someone I'm interested in may be flirting with me.

So my suggestion.  It's not whether someone is flirting with you.  People flirt for all sorts of reasons and not necessarily because they would like to go on a date with you which is why I asked above about what you wanted to know.  You don't actually need to pick up on that.  A man who is interested in dating you and available to date will ask you out on a date he plans in advance, with rare exception.  Yes, if you are interested in dating someone it helps if you flirt a little, it helps if you act approachable. 

But I would not assume-at all -that a man who is flirting with you at work is interested in dating you.  I've had many men at work flirt with me over the years and they are not interested in dating me. In fact, I asked one of them to lunch when I was in my 20s after he flirted with me incessantly.  Turned out he just liked flirting.  He had a girlfriend. It was an awkward lunch. 

I met my husband at work.  He thought I was being flirtatious with him at a company event.  I didn't intend this.  But after 9 months of being interested in me it was the one thing that gave him the courage to ask me to lunch. when I said yes to my future husband's invite I didn't know if he meant it as a date.  He did.  We were both single and didn't work together so it was appropriate.  

The dating world sure does require a thick skin -good luck! (I was in that world for decades so I can relate to you feeling out of sorts!)

 

[Tinydance]

13 minutes ago, Mystic5000 said:

Well, to be perfectly honest with you, I'm newer to the dating world (have not had to deal with dating in SO long), so I'm feeling a little rusty when it comes to picking up on if someone is actually truly trying to flirt. I wanted to give examples and see if others could assist in breaking it down for me so I can better see the signs of real flirting vs being friendly. That way I can be carefum in work settings, navigate awkward situations (in which someone is trying to flirt but I don't want to pursue them) and of course how to help MYSELF with recognizing if someone I'm interested in may be flirting with me.

Well some of what he's doing might be considered flirting, but some not. I think it's also important to note how he interacts with other people. Do you think he treats you differently?

I think also some people like to flirt but they don't always want to take it further. If you actually do like this guy then I think just whistling and chit chatting isn't really giving you much. I think if you wanted it to actually progress you should ask him to have lunch together on your lunch break or get a coffee or something. 

Though the problem with dating a colleague of course is if it doesn't work out, in can get very awkward. That's why I think people usually try to stay away from dating colleagues.

[Jaunty]

6 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Yes he might be acting in a flirtatious way.  You seem to just want that information for no reason - which I was curious about as it's unusual to be that focused on whether a coworker is flirting.... just out of curiosity.  

There seems to be at least one new post per day from a woman who lists all manner of random interactions at work and wants the other members to tell her whether he's flirting.  I find this unusual.  What gives.  

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, Jaunty said:

There seems to be at least one new post per day from a woman who lists all manner of random interactions at work and wants the other members to tell her whether he's flirting.  I find this unusual.  What gives.  

Shot in the dark -maybe because so many have been teleworking due to covid and are now once again resuming in person work/socializing?