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It upsets me


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I hate when im not satisfied with something ive put effort into and i simply complain out of desperation like "oof i did bad at this  " always based on my own expectations ,and my own personal goals.
And theres always someone who proceeds to say something like " if you feel like you have did bad  think how much worse i feel because my performance is considered poorer than yours" .Theres a specific phrase in my native language that ive been told at this circumstance theres not a similar phrase in english i can think of right now . Anyway it makes me so angry !!because i am now talking about me !! And who knows?? Maybe i tried harder than you and im allowed to feel upset about it...that discourages me from opening up to people about my insecurities and daily concerns.

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Eh.. people of different intellect and effort try hard. It doesn’t mean either of your efforts are more or less valid or one of you tried harder. You’re probably just wanting someone to listen. You’re allowed to feel any way you want. Some people are better listeners than others and not everyone knows what to say when someone is fuming mad or upset.

I’d be grateful they were even there if you were looking for support. Don’t take your anger or frustration out on them.

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I think the issue is if you vent regularly people tire of it and they will respond to discourage further venting.  Rather, how about something more interactive like "I feel upset that I didn't do as well as I expected.  I'm thinking I should have ____ instead.  What do you think?"  One of my friends is actively interviewing for a new position. Part of our conversation about it is venting as in "they took up so much of my time and couldn't even bother to let me know if I got the position" but most of it is either her telling me where her next interview is and how she plans to prepare/what she thinks of her chances or asking me for particular input on interview strategy.  

My son whines a lot about school -grades, expectations, upcoming tests, projects where his partners don't do their part, etc.  Often I tune him out and sometimes I tell him I am sorry he feels that way and I will share a past experience to show I relate.  I tune him out because he is just venting.  Maybe once I will show support but I don't want to encourage him using me as a constant sounding board to vent.  To strategize- sure.  

You're not being open about your insecurities and concerns -you're using your friends as a sounding board to complain to.  That's ok to a point -especially if both of you have air time to vent.  It's "open" but it's unrealistic of you to expect friends to be there for you for constant negative self-deprecating venting.  Have you considered seeking an outsider to help like a therapist?

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Maybe you can to try to make new friends that understand you better.

or

Maybe start the conversation with,  do you have a minute to listen? I would appreciate someone to just listen while I get something off my chest. 

Sometimes people instinctively offer the bright side or possible solutions because they think that's what the other person needs or wants.

Try to remember you're responsible for communicating your needs to others. It's unfair to expect people to just know.

We're all different and look at things from different perspectives. You can't change the people around you.  but you can change the people you choose to be around

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3 hours ago, Milleniumeye said:

Theres a specific phrase in my native language that ive been told at this circumstance theres not a similar phrase in english i can think of right now .

Would you translate the phrase from your language into English? I'm curious.

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3 hours ago, Milleniumeye said:

Maybe i tried harder than you and im allowed to feel upset about it...that discourages me from opening up to people about my insecurities and daily concerns.

Don't complain to people about your perfectionism. Friends don't want to be your therapist and expect to have their say and feelings too. Friendship goes both ways. .

What personal goals? Grades? College? Career advancement? Sports? Just stay focused on your goals and be your own personal best.

Join some clubs, groups, take some classes and courses, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness.

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