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Seeing each other once a week


Daisy Brown
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So I am seeing / dating this guy. When we go on dates everything seems perfect, we have great conversations and great chemistry and he seems super interested in me.

But he only makes plans with me once a week. And I feel like seeing each other only once a week is not enough to get to know someone.

Also we never text. And when we do, it is to plan dates, and he takes hours to reply. He says it is because he is a bad texter.

We live really close to each other, so the “not meeting up thing” is not because of distance.

Is this a red flag? Is he just not that interested / not serious about this? Any advice on what I should do?

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I'd be fine with this the first few months.  When I dated, mostly pre-cell phone, we only talked once or twice during the week to chat a bit and plan our next date and saw each other once a week.  After a few months typically things got more serious and it was more like 2-3 times a week.  After the first several dates and if I felt dating was now a steady/regular thing I'd suggest dates too. 

I got to know men in person and once a week was fine in the beginning.  I'm so glad there was no texting (and later on there was emailing and instant message but not in a constant way).  I think texting about how your day is going can take away from the excitement of getting to know someone over a period of time.  Are you texting him so much that he's not motivated to make plans to see you more often?

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3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

What does he say when you ask to see him more frequently than once a week?

How many dates have you been on? Are you two exclusively dating?

We are not exclusive, or we at least haven’t had that talk. 

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3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'd be fine with this the first few months.  When I dated, mostly pre-cell phone, we only talked once or twice during the week to chat a bit and plan our next date and saw each other once a week.  After a few months typically things got more serious and it was more like 2-3 times a week.  After the first several dates and if I felt dating was now a steady/regular thing I'd suggest dates too. 

I got to know men in person and once a week was fine in the beginning.  I'm so glad there was no texting (and later on there was emailing and instant message but not in a constant way).  I think texting about how your day is going can take away from the excitement of getting to know someone over a period of time.  Are you texting him so much that he's not motivated to make plans to see you more often?

No, I dont text him a lot. In fact, I always wait for him to text first. 

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Just now, Daisy Brown said:

No, I dont text him a lot. In fact, I always wait for him to text first. 

So what I would do if you've been out a number of times is ask him out for a date you plan in advance.

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16 minutes ago, Daisy Brown said:

We are not exclusive, or we at least haven’t had that talk. 

What about my other two questions?

21 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

What does he say when you ask to see him more frequently than once a week?

How many dates have you been on?

 

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How long have you been dating?

Everyone is different so it can be hard to say.  but considering you are not exclusive, maybe he's still seeing others or maybe he has an ex... or not.  He could just be going slow because he's not looking for a relationship. It's anyone's guess.

I would use this time to observe him and decide what works for you based on what he naturally gives you. Continue to meet other guys.  

Things that start with a bang go out with a whimper. Slow and steady over a long time is the way to go.  Actions speak louder than words. Someone may seem great, but then you find maybe they don't really meet your needs and that's ok. 

Keep your options open, focus more on yourself. Enjoy his company.  definitely do not sleep with him if you are the kind to like to be exclusive. Don't assume sex = exclusive =commitment. 

I don't think it's a red flag, but it is telling you, things are casual. Which is not a bad thing. if it's ok with you. 

 

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4 minutes ago, Lambert said:

How long have you been dating?

Everyone is different so it can be hard to say.  but considering you are not exclusive, maybe he's still seeing others or maybe he has an ex... or not.  He could just be going slow because he's not looking for a relationship. It's anyone's guess.

I would use this time to observe him and decide what works for you based on what he naturally gives you. Continue to meet other guys.  

Things that start with a bang go out with a whimper. Slow and steady over a long time is the way to go.  Actions speak louder than words. Someone may seem great, but then you find maybe they don't really meet your needs and that's ok. 

Keep your options open, focus more on yourself. Enjoy his company.  definitely do not sleep with him if you are the kind to like to be exclusive. Don't assume sex = exclusive =commitment. 

I don't think it's a red flag, but it is telling you, things are casual. Which is not a bad thing. if it's ok with you. 

 

Thank you, great advice 

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37 minutes ago, Daisy Brown said:

So I am seeing / dating this guy.  t he only makes plans with me once a week. Also we never text. We live really close to each other, so the “not meeting up thing” is not because of distance.

How long have you been dating? If You are not having the exclusive talk, consider that you are both talking to and meeting others. Do this before you get overinvested. Have you been to his home?

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26 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? If You are not having the exclusive talk, consider that you are both talking to and meeting others. Do this before you get overinvested. Have you been to his home?

Ive not been to his place, I’m trying to take things a bit slow. Yes I know. Ive told him I am not interested in casual sex / casual dating, he agreed. But outside of that we haven’t talked much about it. 

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2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

How many dates have you been on? Have you asked to see him more than once a week?

I too am finding the OP's responses odd and evasive -these are basic questions and important ones.

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If he's the one asking you out once a week, maybe that's all he can afford if he's paying for your dinners. What is stopping you from asking him out midweek and paying for him? You say you always let him text first. Why don't you do it once in a while instead of it being one-sided? 

 

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6 hours ago, Andrina said:

If he's the one asking you out once a week, maybe that's all he can afford if he's paying for your dinners. What is stopping you from asking him out midweek and paying for him? You say you always let him text first. Why don't you do it once in a while instead of it being one-sided? 

 

Im trying not to be pushy or coming on too strong, idk. Thanks for the reply tho

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3 hours ago, Daisy Brown said:

Im trying not to be pushy or coming on too strong, idk. Thanks for the reply tho

How long have you been dating (and is there a reason you haven't responded to my question on this and others -it matters IMO)? No don't be pushy. Ask him for a date you plan in advance -have a suggested day and activity and ask.  If he doesn't respond with enthusiasm or say "I would love to and can't that day- how about ____" or "I've seen that art exhibit, how about ____ instead?" then I'd stop seeing him actually.  When I was interested in someone if he called to ask me for a date and I missed the call I got back to him ASAP - not overeager, but as soon as I could to show him that I was enthusiastic about seeing him again.

Call him on the phone if at all possible and ask - don't text -and show him you are stepping up to the plate, you have a plan in mind that you think he would like and you're trying to make a plan work with his schedule. Not "can we see each other during the week".

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6 hours ago, Daisy Brown said:

I am trying, but he takes hours and hours to reply ahaha

How long have you been dating? How many dates have you been on? You don't have plan dates or offer to treat. It all depend on how long you are dating, often you date, what your understanding of this is (exclusive?), etc.

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7 hours ago, Daisy Brown said:

Im trying not to be pushy or coming on too strong, idk.

How is asking to see him more often being "pushy"?

Are you "afraid of 'scaring him off'"?

How long have you two been dating? 

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I think in the first few weeks or even a month or two of dating, seeing each other once a week is probably OK. But it would be obvious if someone us actually really interested I'm you or if they just want something casual or keeping their options open. Even if they saw you once a week, they'd probably see you the whole day. I think it's a bit unusual if the person never texts because even people who aren't big texters would still want to talk to you if they really like you. 

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On 4/20/2022 at 3:50 PM, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? How many dates have you been on? You don't have plan dates or offer to treat. It all depend on how long you are dating, often you date, what your understanding of this is (exclusive?), etc.

Been dating a couple of weeks 

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