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Together but separate


Rosie
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You've been living with your mind in a pretzel twist for far too long trying to make this work.

I can appreciate how hard it is to let go of the good even while you're living under a dark cloud of knowledge that you're not really happy--and you won't ever be happy with this guy.

Sure, he's a wonderful guy. However, most wonderful people are NOT our match, and the longer you invest rather than recognizing deal-breakers when you see them, that more needlessly difficult you'll make it to move yourself forward.

Take some time to heal, and use this forum to write more if it helps.

Head high, you can do this.

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  • 2 months later...

Hello,

I am back with updates. I broke up with my boyfriend. It wasn't easy, but I did it. After about a month of no contact, he reached out to me and started to get himself and his house together. He is now doing everything he can to get me back, by doing the work in his house, showing support, and saying the right things.

I worked hard on moving on, and my feelings are not totally gone. But they're not the same. I also don't want to reject the opportunity to make something good out of this, but also fear that it's just going to end in the same way as before. If I decide to let him in my life again, I will need professional help for sure.

What is your view on this?

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46 minutes ago, Rosie said:

Hello,

I am back with updates. I broke up with my boyfriend. It wasn't easy, but I did it. After about a month of no contact, he reached out to me and started to get himself and his house together. He is now doing everything he can to get me back, by doing the work in his house, showing support, and saying the right things.

I worked hard on moving on, and my feelings are not totally gone. But they're not the same. I also don't want to reject the opportunity to make something good out of this, but also fear that it's just going to end in the same way as before. If I decide to let him in my life again, I will need professional help for sure.

What is your view on this?

What about the situation with his daughter and your feelings about that?  What has changed there? Why in the world is it an opportunity if you need professional help just to have him in your life??

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Ending a 3 year relationship with a hard-working man that earns good money because his house is currently being renovated and it’s not quite liveable yet..

Hmmm 🧐 

If that’s the case maybe you never cared so much for him / there are other issues / the breakup was the result of a heated argument..

If you love someone I think it’s always possible to negotiate and find a solution…

 

Edited by mical
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10 hours ago, Rosie said:

 After about a month of no contact, he reached out to me and started to get himself and his house together. 

You need to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. That is "moving on", not reengaging in chitchat about what a changed man he is.

You're going to be struggling in limbo forever waiting for him to change and trying to fix and change him into what you want.

It sounds like he's having a dry spell or wants sex. Maybe he wants more free cleaning services, who knows? He did not have a miraculous epiphany and become someone else.

Why not free yourself from on/off heartaches and headaches?

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