Jump to content

Is she playing games? Am I the anomaly compared to her exs?


Recommended Posts

25 minutes ago, Plentyofchains said:

. . .  have you not ever once been curious what someone you've once dated is up to.

And by the way, yes, I think this is normal, but it usually happens months or years down the road, not the next day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

21 minutes ago, waffle said:

It sounds to me like you're looking for signs--and coming here for confirmation--that she's still into you/made a mistake of ending things, despite you knowing deep down  that's likely not the case.  Comparing yourself to her exes and hoping she thinks of you differently (or, better) that she does them seems to support that theory.

I already know she's into her me, our mutual friend has already confirmed that. Friend has also told me that she had to remove me from Instagram as getting reminders of me was hurting her because she wants to be with me but doesn't have the emotional head space for a relationship while she sorts her personal family stuff out

Link to comment
Share on other sites

21 minutes ago, waffle said:

And by the way, yes, I think this is normal, but it usually happens months or years down the road, not the next day.

Haha so the day after someone's dumped you, you're telling me you didn't think of them or what they were doing once?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, Plentyofchains said:

Haha so the day after someone's dumped you, you're telling me you didn't think of them or what they were doing once?

Thinking about an ex --and reacting in this way by gossiping about her behind her back-- are two very different things.  Please do stay out of her business -she's an adult woman who deserves that, not some "girl" who's going to chuckle about the antics you post on social media.  This "friend" is only giving her version like the many many friends who believed my husband and I were perfect together the first time around that we dated and were engaged - had I followed their advice and gone through with the wedding we'd have divorced and likely cut ties forever. 

Instead I ended it with the "perfect match" -according to our mutual friends - and he wanted to end it too -and when we got back together years later we were the perfect match for each other.  And ironically we still had certain mutual friends judging when we "should" get married since we'd been engaged in the past (meaning sooner than we did) -

so take what others on the outside say about your interactions with a mutual friend and avoid gossip. It's not nice or appropriate and you say you care for her -show it by giving her space and treating her with respect, not talking behind her back to her friend. 

Edited by Batya33
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Thinking about an ex --and reacting in this way by gossiping about her behind her back-- are two very different things.  Please do stay out of her business -she's an adult woman who deserves that, not some "girl" who's going to chuckle about the antics you post on social media.

Haha I wasn't even gossiping. They asked me questions, I literally gave yes/no answers and no questions of my own.

I don't see her as some girl at all, and she is an adult woman

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Plentyofchains said:

Haha I wasn't even gossiping. They asked me questions, I literally gave yes/no answers and no questions of my own.

I don't see her as some girl at all, and she is an adult woman

Interacting with someone who is gossiping is you being involved in gossip.  End the conversation as soon as someone begins to gossip or invites you to respond to gossip.  You continued to refer to her as a girl throughout. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, Batya33 said:

Interacting with someone who is gossiping is you being involved in gossip.  End the conversation as soon as someone begins to gossip or invites you to respond to gossip.  You continued to refer to her as a girl throughout. 

From where I'm from the term 'girl' is used as slang for a name for a woman. No hurt or anything meant. The guys here call the woman 'girl' while most women call the guys 'lads'. No harm meant, just the way we call people. She calls me lad.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Plentyofchains said:

I haven't moved on at all. I'm just not the type to cancel plans with friends I hadn't seen for a long time because this girl ended it. Although I do feel bad if she's taking what I posted badly, because she stopped following straight after she saw it.

Should I say something to her? Maybe not now but on a few days? I hope she's okay

I'm not say you have, I'm just saying what it looks like, and I am not questioning your actions at all. What you do from here on out is up to you. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Problem is, her friend will tell her you were talking about her and will tell her what you said, possibly with embellishments. It's a dangerous slope.

I've had conversations with people where they tried to get me to talk bad about another person. They would even say negative things. Then if I didn't disagree they would go to that person and say "Boltnrun said you're lazy and are always late to work!" Even though that's what THEY said and I just made some noncommittal reply.

So I guarantee her friend went to her with a story of what you said about her. It's just a bad idea all the way round.

It's best to just say something like "oh yeah, I hope she's doing well." Bland and noncommittal.

And she probably unfollowed you because she needs to break ties for her own well-being. It's very commonly recommended to do so after a breakup.

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, Plentyofchains said:

I don't understand why you're making me seem like I'm doing something wrong.

Yes I said I wouldn't message her as I saw no need to reach out, but since seeing other users here say that my instagram story might of hurt her then I genuinely want to see if she's okay because I still care. Not a way to weasel back in but because we once got on well amd she's always been an honest woman to me.

You call it overly curious, but have you not ever once been curious what someone you've once dated is up to. I'm not sure where you thought that I found any of this enjoyable or attractive? It's never nice seeing someone you cared for go through hardship.

Also you mention there's a reason why people move on with no contact when not a match, when she is still followed, follow amd connected to all her exs, including the ones that have abused her.

She admittedly has "tough personal stuff" she has to sort out, has been in abusive relationships and is in contact or still linked to her abusers. I think it's better that you cut your losses early on instead of letting yourself go or staying in contact with her.

You came here for advice and that's the suggestion I'm giving. Unfortunately we can't save everyone we meet and not all impulses or itches need to be scratched or curiosities need to be uncovered. If you do find yourself with partners or women with this similar profile, change. Do something differently and date differently so you're not up against these similar challenges. 

I'm sure you already know it's not a good idea to listen to gossip or what a third party has to say about someone. I'd also question whether that friend is a friend to her at all if she's meddling with her personal affairs.

 

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...