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Is she playing games? Am I the anomaly compared to her exs?


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Only dated this girl for a month before it ended. I wont go into details but she's going through a lot of really tough personal stuff at the moment and needed that time alone to be with her family so decided to call it quits which has crushed her. which I get as I've been there before, once with a girl I was so so so into so it hurt.

Anyway, that night I posted a story on Instagram about a gathering I was at that night, having fun with mates and everything. The story showed a funny incident where I was stuck in one of my female friends jumpsuit that I was dared to try on while we were all a bit too drunk.

I saw instantly that the girl saw it (almost like she had notifications on whenever I post), so I went to have a look at their profile out of curiosity. That's where I saw they had just that second unfollowed me, made it so I don't follow them anymore and then made their account private, but I'm not blocked. Their profile was even public before we met, now it's private. I'm not blocked on WhatsApp either, which is our main form of chatting to each other, and an always open line for communication.

Is that a sign that she's struggling, or trying to get my attention?

We were never exclusive so the feelings aren't that deep although I miss her a bit as she was a fun girl and enjoyed time spent getting to know her and would have liked to have continued.

Asking out of curiosity more so than anything else. Curious as to why I'm the anomaly as her exs follow her still as much as they still follow her.

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16 minutes ago, Plentyofchains said:

to why I'm the anomaly as her exs follow her still as much as they still follow her.

Delete and block her from ALL your social media and messaging apps. There's no point trying to decipher the social media behavior of someone you dated 30 days and ended it.

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Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Delete and block her from ALL your social media and messaging apps. There's no point trying to decipher the social media behavior of someone you dated 30 days and ended it.

I'm not too fussed about her behaviour so not going to block her. Just curious as to why someone might do that.

I'm not looking for answers on here, just opinions. There's no right answer 

Edited by Plentyofchains
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Did she end it, or did you? It’s a bit unclear. 

My hunch is she realized that seeing you on her feed, having fun, goofing off, especially in a way that seemed maybe a touchy saucy, was not great stimulus for healing. 

So, not a sign of struggle or attention seeking. Just a woman looking out for herself. 

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There could be a thousand reasons. Why do you care? Maybe she also met someone and realized she doesn’t want her new person to see her linked to you particularly given the sorts of photos you post.  You’re trying to analyze but it’s all anyones guess. Leave her alone and stay in your lane. 

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14 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

well what would you think if you were in her shoes? How would it look to you? 

If she was really overthinking then maybe she'd be jealous I'm spending time woth another woman.

But I literally don't think that what I posted was hurtful or anything at all. It's the type of content you see most weekends when someone's at a party, just people having a laugh, and when posting it I wasn't even thinking about her because I didnt even think that it might have meant something. I was fully clothed trying on someone's outfit over the top because it apparently matched my top, in a room full of people having a laugh, and an outfit owned by someone where the friendship is 100000% platonic haha

How does it come across to you?

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10 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

Did she end it, or did you? It’s a bit unclear. 

My hunch is she realized that seeing you on her feed, having fun, goofing off, especially in a way that seemed maybe a touchy saucy, was not great stimulus for healing. 

So, not a sign of struggle or attention seeking. Just a woman looking out for herself. 

She ended it. She didn't have the mental capacity to keep me around close while her and her family are going through a very tough struggling time. Suprised she didn't ask for space but we all move differently.

I didn't think it was saucy haha, it was just a drunk dare in a room full of people, and putting it over my clothes, not taking them off haha

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10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

There could be a thousand reasons. Why do you care? Maybe she also met someone and realized she doesn’t want her new person to see her linked to you particularly given the sorts of photos you post.  You’re trying to analyze but it’s all anyones guess. Leave her alone and stay in your lane. 

Haha it's not even a photo, it's the type of party video you'd see on most Instagram stories on a weekend. Haha don't worry I'm leaving her alone, I've not messaged her once since she ended things and don't intend to, she deserves her space to work on helping her family, which was a reason we stopped seeing each other

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5 minutes ago, Plentyofchains said:

If she was really overthinking then maybe she'd be jealous I'm spending time woth another woman.

But I literally don't think that what I posted was hurtful or anything at all. It's the type of content you see most weekends when someone's at a party, just people having a laugh, and when posting it I wasn't even thinking about her because I didnt even think that it might have meant something. I was fully clothed trying on someone's outfit over the top because it apparently matched my top, in a room full of people having a laugh, and an outfit owned by someone where the friendship is 100000% platonic haha

How does it come across to you?

If I was sad about my situation and saw how you moved on so quickly I would question your feelings for me if they were real. I would be feeling worse. 

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5 minutes ago, Plentyofchains said:

Haha it's not even a photo, it's the type of party video you'd see on most Instagram stories on a weekend. Haha don't worry I'm leaving her alone, I've not messaged her once since she ended things and don't intend to, she deserves her space to work on helping her family, which was a reason we stopped seeing each other

I’m glad you’re going to stay out of her business and not waste any more time guessing what she’s thinking.  I don’t post any videos or watch any videos of someone’s parties - just not interesting to me - so I’m not familiar.  I agree with Smackie 

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15 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

If I was sad about my situation and saw how you moved on so quickly I would question your feelings for me if they were real. I would be feeling worse. 

I haven't moved on at all. I'm just not the type to cancel plans with friends I hadn't seen for a long time because this girl ended it. Although I do feel bad if she's taking what I posted badly, because she stopped following straight after she saw it.

Should I say something to her? Maybe not now but on a few days? I hope she's okay

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You already said you'd leave her alone and now you're asking if you should say something to her. You're contradicting yourself.

You seem overly curious about her life and you were only dating for a month. She seems to have issues she needs to deal with and she dumped you. Not sure why you find any of this attractive or enjoyable. If I were in your shoes I'd take a hard look at myself and reflect on why I feel the need to swoop in and be nosy about someone like that who made it clear she doesn't want to date you. 

There's also a good reason why people move on with no contact when they're not a match. They don't stay on each others' social media keeping tabs or watching how they view "stories". Respectfully move on and date other women. 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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39 minutes ago, Plentyofchains said:

She ended it. I didn't think it was saucy haha, it was just a drunk dare in a room full of people, and putting it over my clothes, not taking them off haha

How old is she? It seems like she was turned off by childish antics which solidified her decision to end it. 

It sounds like you were trying to impress her but it backfired.

In fact delete that post and similar stuff if you hope to date again because it makes you look like a drunk and silly frat boy. You may impress your pals with it but girls think it's dopy.

Edited by Wiseman2
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22 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

You already said you'd leave her alone and now you're asking if you should say something to her. You're contradicting yourself.

You seem overly curious about her life and you were only dating for a month. She seems to have issues she needs to deal with and she dumped you. Not sure why you find any of this attractive or enjoyable. If I were in your shoes I'd take a hard look at myself and reflect on why I feel the need to swoop in and be nosy about someone like that who made it clear she doesn't want to date you. 

There's also a good reason why people move on with no contact when they're not a match. They don't stay on each others' social media keeping tabs or watching how they view "stories". Respectfully move on and date other women. 

I don't understand why you're making me seem like I'm doing something wrong.

Yes I said I wouldn't message her as I saw no need to reach out, but since seeing other users here say that my instagram story might of hurt her then I genuinely want to see if she's okay because I still care. Not a way to weasel back in but because we once got on well amd she's always been an honest woman to me.

You call it overly curious, but have you not ever once been curious what someone you've once dated is up to. I'm not sure where you thought that I found any of this enjoyable or attractive? It's never nice seeing someone you cared for go through hardship.

Also you mention there's a reason why people move on with no contact when not a match, when she is still followed, follow amd connected to all her exs, including the ones that have abused her.

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3 minutes ago, Plentyofchains said:

You call it overly curious, but have you not ever once been curious what someone you've once dated is up to. I'm not sure where you thought that I found any of this enjoyable or attractive? It's never nice seeing someone you cared for go through hardship.

Being curious is normal.  Acting on it in this case would be a bad idea.  

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32 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How old is she? It seems like she was turned off by childish antics which solidified her decision to end it. 

It sounds like you were trying to impress her but it backfired.

In fact delete that post and similar stuff if you hope to date again because it makes you look like a drunk and silly frat boy. You may impress your pals with it but girls think it's dopy.

She's 23 I'm 25. Funnily we were mutual friends and already followed each other. One night I posted on an Instagram about a party I was at, a silly drunk video (no harm done, no one hurt, nothing embarrassing) and she actually messaged saying how funny it was. We talked more and then started dating, so turns out the girl liked it.

I also didn't think of her when posting, not due to any other reason but because I was busy with my friends and having a laugh and a catch up with friends that I hadn't seen for months.

Also the frat boy lifestyle isn't a big thing g here in the UK, not in the circles I'm in anyway. I hate that lifestyle, amd seems they do it just to impress women at parties.

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1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Being curious is normal.  Acting on it in this case would be a bad idea.  

I was actually speaking to her best mate about it (mutual friend) and she said give her some space and reach out in a few days as she'll really appreciate it

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Just now, Plentyofchains said:

I was actually speaking to her best mate about it (mutual friend) and she said give her some space and reach out in a few days as she'll really appreciate it

I would avoid talking about her with her friends.

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1 minute ago, Plentyofchains said:

She's 23 I'm 25.  One night I posted on an Instagram about a party I was at, a silly drunk video  and she actually messaged saying how funny it was.

Ok so it was to get her attention and it backfired, now let it go.

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3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok so it was to get her attention and it backfired, now let it go.

No I'm talking about what led us to first start talking more to each other. We had already text best of lucks to each other before I posted the video of last night so I wasn't looking for any interaction as she also posts song lyrics about my favourite artist that I intounced her to yet I don't go removing profiles haha

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Just now, Plentyofchains said:

No I'm talking about what led us to first start talking more to each other. We had already text best of lucks to each other before I posted the video of last night so I wasn't looking for any interaction as she also posts song lyrics about my favourite artist that I intounced her to yet I don't go removing profiles haha

This is all high school stuff including you continuously referring to this adult woman as a "girl".  Ignore all the social media antics including who posts what or who blocks who.  It's all irrelevant.  If you want to do the right thing, stop talking about her behind her back to her best friend -simply end the conversation and switch topics if needed- ask this person to give you no information or input.  If this woman wants to get in touch with you she will.

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1 minute ago, Plentyofchains said:

The friend came to me I thought it'd be rude not to reply

Reply: thanks so much for contacting me!  I hope you're well.  I don't think it's appropriate for me to comment or respond about our friend and I know you'll understand. "

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1 hour ago, Plentyofchains said:

How does it come across to you?

It sounds to me like you're looking for signs--and coming here for confirmation--that she's still into you/made a mistake of ending things, despite you knowing deep down  that's likely not the case.  Comparing yourself to her exes and hoping she thinks of you differently (or, better) that she does them seems to support that theory.

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