I dont deserve to eat. (Child abuse)

[rchubn]

I come from an abusive household and grew up being told I didn't deserve things (attention, food, love, etc) and having things taken out of my hands because aindidnt deserve them 

 

Yesterday I ordered groceries and the person delivered them to my apartment lobby and other residents took the stuff thinking it was free. The doorman apologized but I'm extremely triggered because that deprivation has always been seen as a punishment for me.

 

as messed up as it sounds In my mind I'm wondering what I did wrong to lose those items I needed.

 

 

I spent over 200 on those groceries/house supplies which is a lot of money for me but I can't bring myself to report anything stolen for a refund because I feel the people that took them were more deserving 

 

I feel like I didn't deserve those groceries and the universe just gave them to other people that did deserve food. 

 

Any advice? 

[rchubn]

Edit,: the thought of purchasing groceries again gives me a full on panic attack. I can't oicgure myself every purchasing another food item again because of how triggered I feel 

[Seraphim]

You should call the police. What they did is theft. 

[Seraphim]

You can’t tell me people believe that others leave free groceries in a lobby. NO. They STOLE your groceries and the police need to be called. 

[DarkCh0c0]

Someone stole it. That's a fact. It's up to you to choose to report this. Do they have a cctv camera?

I understand your panic however. And, I'm sorry about this. Have you sought a good therapist for your trauma? Cause This has childhood trauma all over it. And I very much sympathize cause all my childhood whenever I wanted something, I was asked "do you think you deserve this?", and then I would stutter not knowing if I did. Until this day when I go the mall, at some point major thoughts creep in telling me I don't deserve anything nice or fancy. Sometimes I get tearful, but with practice and by facing and countering these demons, I can increasingly stand on my own.

As a tip exercise, how about you write down on a piece of paper what you deserve out of life? Lay it down, and then stick to it. I've been trying this for another topic, and I've personally been feeling a difference!

[Cherylyn]

Change the way you think.  You deserved the groceries because it was rightfully yours to keep and consume.  You paid hard money for it so it's yours and not free for the taking.  I agree with Seraphim.  Call the police and report it. 

Check to see if there is a surveillance camera in the lobby. 

This is tricky.  I don't know what thieves in your apartment building will do or say should you confront them.  They could deny it and accuse you of being accusatory. 

How can you avoid the grocery delivery person from delivering your groceries to the lobby instead of your apartment? 

I'm sorry about the theft. 

[MissCanuck]

What the others said - someone stole it. 

Nobody in their right mind thinks bags of food are just there for free, unless they're in a food bank. Whomever stole it knew what they were doing. 

But if you're unwilling to report it, there's not much you can do. All you can do is continue working on your past trauma so you get to a place where you're not afraid to assert yourself. 

[poorlittlefish]

I too have those thoughts.  I had therapy and was diagnosed with Childhood Emotional Neglect - it's something you may want to explore.  My therapist told me to question the validity of the thoughts: my mother was neglectful and wrong to treat me the way that she did because she was the adult and I was a child who was relying on her for care and guidance. 

When that voice comes into my head I reject it and remind myself that it's just her opinion and not one that I have to accept.  As an adult I determine whether I deserve something based on my qualities, not on what someone else told me when I was vulnerable and knew no better.  You need to work on doing this sort of thing, but it's easier to do it with help from a professional.

[Batya33]

I'm so sorry about the theft.  What I would do for now is not have groceries delivered -unless it's an emergency it's not essential.  Not simply because of the triggers but obviously it's not safe/secure at this time.  Sometimes I am into facing my fears (irrational fears) but if I can function in daily life and accommodate my fears to some extent, why not.  For example, I'm irrationally afraid to ride any rollercoaster so I don't do it.  It's not necessary.  I'm sorry your groceries were stolen - how awful and violating and I'm sorry about the additional triggers! I hope they catch whoever is doing this.

[SherrySher]

It's okay, trauma can bring a person all kinds of thoughts and feelings, but it doesn't mean it's true.

Being triggered doesn't mean that you're going to go backwards to where you used to be.

It doesn't mean that at all.

It's a memory, but you've come a long way from where you were.

You are having irritational thoughts. They aren't true.

The people who stole food from you, were not more deserving. In fact, they were much less deserving if they took it from someone else without consent.

It is never okay to steal.

Those were yours. You deserved the food, you still deserve a refund and you deserve good meals.

Please repeat that sentence in your head as many times as you need to until it starts overriding the other negative thoughts.

It takes time to heal, sometimes years, and that's okay too.

Don't beat yourself up, don't focus on being disappointed, upset, etc.

Everyone has sets backs, but you are still moving forward.

Take the first step and get your refund. It belongs to you, and you are more than deserving.

Then order more food.

You can do this. You deserve it and you will be okay. 

[SherrySher]

8 hours ago, rchubn said:

Edit,: the thought of purchasing groceries again gives me a full on panic attack. I can't oicgure myself every purchasing another food item again because of how triggered I feel 

Slow deep breaths. 

Go slow. 

Give yourself some time. Allow yourself to process. 

It's okay, you will be okay.

You can get past this, just take it at a slow pace.

[dias]

9 hours ago, rchubn said:

Yesterday I ordered groceries and the person delivered them to my apartment lobby and other residents took the stuff thinking it was free. 

***? They knew it's not free stuff. This is theft. Only low life punks could do this. 

I would encourage you to report it to the police, maybe they won't do much but even if they pay them a visit or call them it's something. 

Also, therapy is a good idea. 

[1a1a]

Definitely definitely definitely request a refund. The order wasn’t delivered to you, that’s on the merchant who took your money, they have an obligation to deliver the product to you successfully. 
 

I see someone who survived their childhood and now in fact is able to provide for their own needs and I think that is gosh darn mighty of you! Your caregivers filled your head with an irrelevant question, are you deserving? The answer is immaterial. You need your weekly shop to live, you took steps to acquire it, some arsehole stole it. This does happen sometimes but it’s just bad luck. 

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, 1a1a said:

Definitely definitely definitely request a refund. The order wasn’t delivered to you, that’s on the merchant who took your money, they have an obligation to deliver the product to you successfully. 

Unfortunately I think it depends on how the arrangements were made.  If the OP permitted it to be left right inside her building that is on her.  If not, then sure.  There's no signing anymore really because of covid, etc.  For example Ubereats misdelivered an order to my front door the other day.  Left it and left. Didn't see who it was.  I got the order.  No name.  Called the restaurant, put on hold.  No info.  I put it in my fridge. 

Then uber guy returns and I gave it to him.  But -how gross- I kept it safe, didn't touch it of course -but uber guy doesn't know that and neither does recipient.  I wasted my time/spent my time on Uber's mistake -I could have consumed it or discarded it immediately if I cared to.  it's a risk you take when you order certain things for delivery. 

My plan was basically to discard it later on in the evening.  I tried my best to figure out the error but who knows.  Maybe someone else took this stuff by mistake too (unlikely but who knows).  

[Wiseman2]

Chalk it up to package theft/loss and try a service with better tracking methods.

Unfortunately the building/doorman can't be responsible for all lost/stolen packages.

Most supermarkets are safe and you can wear a mask, so consider doing your own shopping in person.