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Advice, My ex has me feeling confused?


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      My 29M ex 26F got into contact with me after four years. She met another girl I knew out west and the person I knew sent a snap of them hanging out to me and joking about me (nicely). I friended my ex (I barely use snapchat). I  messaged them for a bit. It was good to talk to both at first but the conversation with my ex got dull. She wasn’t offering much to keep it going either. It got me thinking maybe she wasn't interested.
      This may sound creepy but I did check her snap score and noticed she was snapping people but waiting to respond to me. She’s her own person and can do whatever she wants. Also I don’t expect immediate responses, I have a job and life too lol. I just don’t want to be played with or used by this girl to feel good.

        It’s a little over a week and my ex has made no attempt to contact. I’ve considered deleting her as a friend to just put this little chapter behind me. I just don’t want to seem to petty  as I was the one to reach out to her about two weeks ago. I do not feel any negative feeling towards her but I have no interest in being just friends. 

Edited by SystemIssue
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16 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Is she still dating the other woman?

Sorry, my ex is not dating the other woman. Shes straight. It was just wild she and that other girl I knew met each other randomly. I have not spoken to the other girl in 7+ years

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I think you're overthinking here. Your ex was out with this woman, they realized they had you in common, and decided to poke you. Happens. Now that that moment is over, your ex is fading back into the life she's been living. Doesn't mean you were used. Think of it like saying hi on a street corner, making small talk, rather than anything super loaded. 

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I agree. I don't think you were played with or used.

You broke up four years ago? I'm sure she presumes you are completely over the breakup and would be fine with a few quick messages.

Did you think she contacted you because she wants to reconcile? Do you hope to reconcile?

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

I agree. I don't think you were played with or used.

You broke up four years ago? I'm sure she presumes you are completely over the breakup and would be fine with a few quick messages.

Did you think she contacted you because she wants to reconcile? Do you hope to reconcile?

Hey thanks for the advice. I’m aware that I have not been used. It’s  okay to say hey. I just don’t want it to happen in the future.  I may have worded it poorly though so sorry.
   As far as reconciling probably a solid no. She lives out west and I’m from PA. But even if she lived closed by it would probably still be a no. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel something. But I honestly don’t know if could date her again. 
 

Edited by SystemIssue
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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, bluecastle said:

I think you're overthinking here. Your ex was out with this woman, they realized they had you in common, and decided to poke you. Happens. Now that that moment is over, your ex is fading back into the life she's been living. Doesn't mean you were used. Think of it like saying hi on a street corner, making small talk, rather than anything super loaded. 

Thank you for responding.  I know that I have not been used in any way. I just don’t want it to happen in the future.  I may have worded it poorly though so sorry. 
I guess I just would have preferred for her to just end the conversation if it was over. It was really weird. We were talking and catching up but then out of nowhere the conversation just died right in the middle. It was cool if she didn’t want to talk. But it was just weird. 

Edited by SystemIssue
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The question seems to be delete or not to delete. If in doubt, do nothing. You’re a bit anxious and that’s ok. You fix yourself and be less attached to your phone and the apps. If you feel the urge to check on her, don’t. Use your own impulse control and check yourself. Break old habits. 

Be busy with other things and meet other women. It seems she’s ok exchanging pleasantries but she’s not interested knowing about you or you knowing about her. That is totally ok. 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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2 hours ago, SystemIssue said:

We were talking and catching up but then out of nowhere the conversation just died right in the middle. It was cool if she didn’t want to talk. But it was just weird. 

I don't think it's weird. 

You caught up a little and then she let the conversation fizzle. I'm not sure what's so strange about that. 

If you're doing things like checking her snap score, and feeling anxious, it's best to delete her. 

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8 hours ago, SystemIssue said:

I have a job and life too lol

Why bother cyberstalking her? Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

If you "have a life", then keep busy with that.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women for a drink/coffee. Move forward not backward.

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As you acknowledged you were the one that reached out triggered by your mutual friend sending the snap. Your ex chatted a bit with you out of politeness but let the conversation fizzle out. So she has no interest in re-connecting. 

Delete her from snap. It won't bother her. And checking up on her is going to resurrect old hurt feelings and make you feel rejected. 

 

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