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Having trouble moving on from a fresh break


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Guest Anonymous

We started out close friends and dated for about a year and 2 months. As of yesterday, we ended things and she went completely NC. Blocked me on everything. I wanted to have a civil split because I still adore her as a friend but now there's not a single way I can get back in touch with her and I'm spiralling a little bit. I have just lost a friend as well as a partner and I don't have other friends who I can turn to for support with this. I have no idea what to do. How do I begin to heal?

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50 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

 dated for about a year and 2 months. she went completely NC. Blocked me on everything.

Sorry this happened. What was the breakup about?

It sounds like she's pretty hurt and angry so just leave her alone rather than trying to be friends.

Edited by Wiseman2
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1 hour ago, Guest Anonymous said:

How do I begin to heal?

By respecting her choice, leaving her alone and focusing on your life now. It's over.

Try new hobbies, go out with your other friends, listen to music, focus on work and allow yourself to grieve. It'll take time, but then you'll move on to different and new possibilities.

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I’d go back to that concept of a “civil split” and what it might have meant to you keeping in touch as friends. Be more honest with yourself as it’s not realistic for couples to remain friends soon after a break up. 

She may also have sensed that it is a false pretense and dishonest as there’s no way you both can be platonic without more pain or ulterior motives to get back together.

You’re not being honest with yourself in what this friendship would mean in the bigger picture. Keep focused on telling yourself the relationship is finished and over. You both don’t owe each other anything. This first step is acknowledging the break up too and severing those obligations.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Posted (edited)

I don't think it's realistic to breakup with someone you had a romantic relationship with then expect them to support you as you navigate the pain of that breakup. Her blocking you and going NC clearly demonstrates her desire for space and, as difficult as that may be, you must give it to her. If anything, this situation should provide clarity on growth opportunities in your own life. In particular, meeting new people and sparking new friendships so you aren't overly dependent on your partner for emotional support. The fact you don't have other friends to offer support during this time is concerning. You should evaluate that dynamic and what you can do to enhance your connections with others. 

Edited by kctiger
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The break up is still very fresh. If the relationship ended on good terms maybe one day things will level out enough in the future. For right now, the main focus needs to be on you and healing and beginning the process of letting go. It's not easy but right now she can't be the one to help you with that. Get involved in some hobbies or find a new hobby. Hang out with friends or meet new ones. If you work or go to school try to be more involved if you feel you are able. Take time to relearn how to enjoy moments on your own.. watch a movie, paint, listen to music, go for a walk or exercise. Volunteer with something in your community. Anything you can do to meet your mind off of the relationship and keep you distracted on things that can benefit you is best. Thinking about her and the relationship is inevitable.. it's gonna happen and you'll have some hard times. It's ok to allow yourself time to grieve. Be mad or sad etc.. write it down in a journal or vent in a healthy way but do your absolute best to avoid going to her. She needs her time and space to heal as well.

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On 4/14/2022 at 4:10 AM, Guest Anonymous said:

As of yesterday, we ended things and she went completely NC. Blocked me on everything. I wanted to have a civil split because I still adore her as a friend but now there's not a single way I can get back in touch with her and I'm spiralling a little bit. I have just lost a friend as well as a partner

Sorry for your pains 😕 ... but is very hard sometimes to 'go backwards'.

You crossed the line of 'friendship', when you got involved.

Is maybe best to just work on accepting what is and expect nothing more from her.

I've had to do this at times as well.. I could NOT be friends with them again & was best to 'end all'.

Not a lot we can do when things come to an end.

Take your time to work thru your emotions.. one day at a time.  In time it will get less of a pain on you emotionally.

 

 

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