Jump to content

Dealing with the Ex and How She Treats him


Recommended Posts

40 minutes ago, robhsdca said:

I am not 100% ready to walk away without trying to get her to see how I am feeling and see how she reacts, but when that happens I know I will be faced with the choice of either finding a way to get things on a better footing, or walk away. 

Haven't you already expressed this to her, as outlined in your original post? 

Look, we meet people when we meet them, and wherever they are on their own journey. Dating is about getting a feel for all that, and seeing if our own journeys can compliment, and be complimented by, another's. Though you've repeatedly cited your age as rationalization for moving fast, I'd argue the opposite is the case. You two have about a century of life split between you two, which is to say 100 years of habits, character traits, and other relationships, with kids, with kids' parents, to see about braiding into a basket that holds water.  

What you've outlined about her, the relationship with the ex—sure, there are "red flags." She sounds pretty entangled with something that doesn't radiate healthy. But I don't think those flags have the same deep crimson hue as the one where you seem to expect her to be reshaping her life and habits around you at warp speed. The subtext here is that you do not respect the way she lives her life, or have much faith in her, which are death knells to a sustained connection. The strongest love gets snuffed out by that.  

Don't get me wrong. In your shoes I'd likely be feeling a lot of what you're feeling, and can only imagine it's a lot to process given how much you care about her. I just don't believe that six months into a relationship is the time to be taking on someone's relationship with their ex, especially when children are involved. Honestly, I don't think that's really ever something to meddle with, but more something to observe, live alongside for a bit and see if it works for you, or does not.

For reference, I'm 3.5 years into a relationship where these are all factors, though in that time I have spent exactly zero seconds trying to get my partner to change her behavior when it comes to her ex-husband and their relationship. They have an amazing child together, and I respect them both in how they handle that business. If I didn't? There would be no us. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • How To Make A Woman Want You Sexually (Guide To Building Her Interest And Sexual Attraction)
      Learn how to make a woman want you sexually! In today's video we're talking about sexual attraction and how you make a woman want you! We're going to be discussing some useful tips you can put to work to get a woman interested in you and building that sexual desire. Often men think they know exactly what women want, men in sports cars with big houses a big wallet and a bad boy attitude. This might be what the ladies want in movies but not in real life it's very different. To know what a lady wants you need to understand what you need to do to make her want you sexually. Imagine if you knew the secret formula to do this, the one that tells you exactly what women want sexually. The formula would let you know exactly what you need to do to get a woman to fall into your arms, sounds too good to be true right? Well it's not! It's as easy as being mindful of your own behaviour and adopting steel-proof boundaries. Want to know some more? Well don't move an inch.

       
      • 0 replies
    • How to know when he's really fallen in LOVE
      You’re falling in love with your man deeper every day, but you don’t know if he feels the same way for you. It’s natural to want to know his feelings for you. What happens when he doesn’t say it or he’s not the type to say that? His actions tell you he loves you, but you could be wrong, right? So how do you know when he’s really in love with you? It’s not always so easy, but it’s not impossible either!

       
      • 0 replies
    • 6 Psychological Secrets of Attraction
      Knowing whether or not someone is “into you” can be incredibly difficult if they don’t explicitly say it. In this video, we will be looking at some psychological secrets of attraction.

       
      • 0 replies
    • This Healing Mindset That Helps Overcome Trauma Symptoms
      If you grew up with neglect and abuse, you've needed time to talk about what happened, and how parents and others treated you. But THEN what? Once you've acknowledged the past and gained an understanding of how you developed symptoms of trauma, how can you overcome those symptoms, and move forward with building a happy and fulfilled life? In this video I teach about the two general categories of comments I see on my channel, and what that suggestions about the commenter's readiness to heal.

       
      • 0 replies
    • "I Want A Girlfriend" Do THIS First
      I want a girlfriend. Have you ever found yourself thinking "I want a girlfriend" but you're not quite sure if you're actually ready for one? Before you go about doing anything else it's important to make sure that you actually need a girlfriend right now.

       
        • Like
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...