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How can i move on if i still have to see him


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Hi, i need some good advice, me and my ex were in a social group and that is how we met, we therefore know a lot of the same people.  When he broke up with me very brutally by text after 5 years of what i thought was happiness i was incredibly hurt.  I did tell people when they asked me what had happened and what he had said about me smelling and how i found out about the cheating and lies that had also gone on when we first got together, which i did not know anything about until after we broke up.  I was devastated and hurt so i did not protect him, i told people who asked the truth.  I however did not go around telling everyone, only those who asked me.  I did not lie to protect him i told the truth.  

8 Months went by and the lockdown was easing and we all started to go out again and he started to come, the very first time after he saw me, he decides he wants me back, this did not work as i was broken and the trust was gone.  He did not take kindly to this and things went from bad to worse, with his behaviour, he was coming to my social event and making me cry, making me react where i looked crazy, he was looking fine.  He was telling people how sorry he was and that it was all his fault and that he loves me and made a mistake, so people were feeling sorry for him and thinking bad of me for not giving him a chance.  However i did give him a chance and the minute he got that chance he was different, acting in a very different way, telling me i couldnt stroke a dog because he dont like them etc.  I ended this chance very quickly and told him that was it.  His words when no one was around were very gaslighting and i was starting to feel i was going mad.  I therefore left the social group we were in and started my own, one without him being in it.  3 months have now passed and i was feeling great not seeing him and really starting to move on.  However he and a few of his friends who are still in the other social group are starting to show up at my events, granted they are not with us but they are there and i am very worried that he is going to start his little game of making me cry and react and so on.  What i need help with is this....i am desperately worried i will get upset (not that he deserves any more of my tears) and i will end up having a rubbish night or embarassing myself by crying.  How do i carry on with him there as if i just dont care?  What can i do to help myself block him and the others he is with out and enjoy myself like i would do if he was not there?  

Can anyone give me some good tips and advice please as i am at my wits end with this man who just wants to ruin my life i feel.

 

 

 

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Can you limit the event's invitees to those in your group only? People going RSVP and those who haven't rsvped you need to check them one by one and say NO to him or any of his friends. Your event, your terms. Enforce these boundaries and have a friend help you with that.

This man has treated you so bad... I still remember your post.

Have you been seeing a therapist to help you work your soul out this abusive relationship? A good therapist can do wonders to your case.

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OK then you are a mature adult. So why let a guy make you feel like 12 years old?  I understand a breakup can be hurtful, and yes you need time to heal but you can stand up and ignore this kind of behavior from him. Head held high, and know your worth. Never give an abuser a reaction. No reaction, the abuse stops. 

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4 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Can you limit the event's invitees to those in your group only? People going RSVP and those who haven't rsvped you need to check them one by one and say NO to him or any of his friends. Your event, your terms. Enforce these boundaries and have a friend help you with that.

This man has treated you so bad... I still remember your post.

Have you been seeing a therapist to help you work your soul out this abusive relationship? A good therapist can do wonders to your case.

Thank you, i cannot as our events are in public places so he is just turning up there knowing i will be there.  He isnt a member of my group, he is in a different one, but they can find out where i am quite easily.  I tried to see a therapist but i was not able to.  I know the advice is to ignore, head high but i get so upset as to what he has done to me yet he is acting like he has done nothing wrong and says things like i have tried to turn people against him by telling them what he did etc.  He smirks at me when he is there to try and get a reaction and even if i dont, i will go home and cry because i am still so hurt.  Yes i know i should just let it go, i am better than that etc but it is so so hard.

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34 minutes ago, Shaz48 said:

I tried to see a therapist but i was not able to. 

I definitely think you need and would benefit greatly from a good therapist.

You have trauma from this relationship and this is something not to take easily Shaz. This is not something you can just live your life with, specially that it seems he still has a hold over you months later.

Consult a therapist, and always stay with the company of a trusted friend. That's the best thing you can do. Do not meet him alone, even if he comes to you just don't give him attention and turn to your friends. Again, I'm sorry it's like this, but please get help. This man has taken your stability, self esteem, and light from you. Now it's your time to receive from good friends and therapists. Now it's time for you to slowly learn to love yourself and remember who you are. You need to become stronger of this, and for this to happen: get help. Allow yourself to receive help and love.

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A lot of abusers are narcissists. His behavior is telling of this. They can't do no wrong even tho they have np lying and or cheat. They are only concerned about themselves and how they look. Like he would ever admit he's a cheating loser. You need to understand their brains don't work like ours. They have very little empathy, if they show that they do, it's a calculated act. If you tell the truth to others, that ruffles his feathers so he goes out of his way to punish you. They are very insecure people. There is no limit to their selfish ways. 

Sounds to me you suffer from PTSD. I would suggest therapy for that. He triggers you so badly, and that's not right. 

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