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I like my best friend of 3 years...


Saitam
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Most of my few remaining close friends i have from school i largely keep in touch with because of my best friend. She was and still is the friend i see the most outside of school and it is her who i went to prom with. I had a girlfriend for most of the time I have known her, and for the time i was taken, I do not feel that I was in any way emotionally cheating. I think I have had feelings for her "under the surface", but since i loved our friendship so much (and my girlfriend) i never did anything about it and i think that it just faded and i could just appreciate her as a very good friend for the time.

Over a month ago my girlfriend broke up with me. It was a very turmultuous thing and she was in a very bad place. After this I had a very bad week but then frighteningly quickly realized that it was probably for the best and I found some inner peace. Even though I still miss the things we had together I'm still confused about how quickly I (for the most part) got over it. 

My best friend in question and her bestie (who is also a very dear friend of mine) moved to Germany the same day my girlfriend and i broke up. A week ago she then asked me to come visit the weekend and so i did, since it is "only" an 8 hour train ride. It was a crazy fun and nice weekend and i was honestly broken when i eventually went home. This weekend she came home to do some technical things with the government and i got to see her again and will get to see her again once more tomorrow. A few days ago i started slowly realizing i have feelings for her and then two days ago another friend of mine texted me that she thought we could be a cute couple and i think everything just got back up. I just got this crazy childish crush back up and i have not been able to think about anything other than her. It has honestly been a horrible couple days.

I now see a couple possible approaches none of which i see a nice ending to.

First i could confess my feelings tomorrow. It feels like very wierd timing and a little out of nowhere. I also feel like i have mentally jinxed it and that she most likely doesn't feel the same since i have a hard time believing she have liked me the whole time or started to same as me. It might be good to know that she never really went out with guys for the time i have known her with a few exceptions.

If she doesn't like me back then i have just ruined my relationship with pretty much the most important person in my life and since she connects so closely to my other friends, I'm afraid to lose all of what I have with them as well. If she does like me back though - great. No matter what though, she will go back to Germany tomorrow and i have no idea when i will be able to see her again. Her and her bestie have plans of staying abroad for at least a couple months.

Do you also think that all of this may be a bit too sudden? Shouldn't i wait and see if i haven't just gotten insane?

I feel like my feelings is ruining my life slowly but surely... What do you guys propose i do?

Thank you! :)<3

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7 minutes ago, Saitam said:

If she doesn't like me back then i have just ruined my relationship with pretty much the most important person in my life and since she connects so closely to my other friends, I'm afraid to lose all of what I have with them as well.

That's the risk you take when you try to heal a broken heart by jumping into a rebound situation. Keep your friends as friends. Date locally.

Edited by Wiseman2
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33 minutes ago, Saitam said:

Do you also think that all of this may be a bit too sudden? Shouldn't i wait and see if i haven't just gotten insane?

 

I think that you dont have any other prospects so you are acting on something that is close. "Confessions" rarely do OK, if you dont see the mutual attraction(flirting, touches etc.) its likely just one-sided and you will ruin friendship. However, I am also against bottling up feelings. If you feel it and want to say that you like her, say it. Who knows, maybe she does feel the same...

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5 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I think that you dont have any other prospects so you are acting on something that is close. "Confessions" rarely do OK, if you dont see the mutual attraction(flirting, touches etc.) its likely just one-sided and you will ruin friendship. However, I am also against bottling up feelings. If you feel it and want to say that you like her, say it. Who knows, maybe she does feel the same...

Thanks<3. This is exactly my dilemma - I'm not sure a confession does anything good and i care too much to lose it just like that. I think it kind of has to happen organically somehow. It's just the fact that i probably cant see her in person for quiet a long time that makes this so much more difficult for me. 

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Timing seems completely off. 

She knows you are 1 month out of a relationship so probably on the rebound. 

She is going to be abroad for the next few months. 

And probably these feelings have surfaced because you are raw and vulnerable and have been spending a lot of time with her recently. 

See if the feelings settle down in the two months she is away over the summer while keeping in touch. And then when she is back if you still feel you want to explore something try to see her regularly. If she makes time to see you regularly there is a chance she might be thinking along similar lines and there will come a natural point to have the conversation. 

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I think it's quite possible you do have feelings for her but you know that saying "fools rush in" lol I think even though you think you're over your ex-girlfriend, but now jumping straight to your best friend is really rushing it. I suggest you wait just a bit longer and then think about how you feel again. As you said also, for another couple of months she's going to be in Germany. Do you have the ability to keep travelling to Germany? If not then maybe you should at least wait until she gets back.

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