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I recently found out that I may qualify for student loan discharge since I went to a for profit college between certain dates.

For the longest time I’ve been feeling depressed, even with this new job I’ve been feeling like these loans have a strangle hold on me.

Ive been making more of an effort on going to meetups to meet women and go out and socialize more. Also, I’ve been saving money and many of the changes have had a tremendous effect on my self confidence and view of others.

Ive stopped focusing on putting people down so much to boost myself. However, I have my dark moments when I don’t know if I’m going to make my dreams become a reality.

One of the repeating themes in my life is feeling bad for myself. The few times when things go my way, I often act out and drink too much or sabotage myself in order to feel guilty about it later.

Right now I feel like it’s one of those moments, where I am so happy, that I don’t know how to react to this feeling other then by sabotaging myself. I don’t know what normal people do in these situations. I feel like I’m having a manic episode and I realize this is why I so often find myself in these patterns.

Edited by junebug123
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Why not switch your thinking and actually build upon further instead of putting you down?

For example I think you mentioned you work something over computer from home, so how about a new rig? Or heck, maybe, as you are trying to meet people, you buy a new fancy clothes? Or fancy watch if you are into that? 

You are doing good so adjust to that and build further. That would allow you to get used to new conditions and not thinking about going back to old ways. 

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If you have outstanding debts or other loans try looking at having them consolidated. 

Ask for help and find the support you need if you find that you can’t control the urge to drink. Stay sober and work through any issues.

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If you're diagnosed bipolar and are having a manic episode, please see your doctor. You may need an adjustment of your meds.

There's a song by the band Garbage called I'm only happy when it rains. It's about someone who takes pleasure in lamenting their misfortunes. I have a tendency to do that too, to wallow in it when things go badly and forget to celebrate when they go well. It's not a good habit, it's unattractive and it drives people away. Maybe you can ask your therapist for strategies to offset this tendency.

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Posted (edited)

When I said I qualify for loan discharge it means they will be forgiven. So basically I was in debt 70k but due to an investigation with certain colleges lying about their placement rates. I was eligible for the loan to be forgiven.

I was saying earlier that I was so excited about the news that I didn’t know how to handle it. This often happens to me when positive events happen. Since they feel extremely unfamiliar so much so that it is disorienting to me.

In fact I may have sabotaged myself with negatively thinking when I initially got that 6 figure offer. My recruiter eventually reached out to me to have me reapply for the same company but it was so stressful that I just declined and stayed at my current job.

I want to be successful and happy in life but I just have this addiction to feeling bad about myself and it’s constant. I’m trying to work on it but I think I need therapy because it’s beyond my control.

Also I don’t believe in meds, I have never taken SSRIs

Edited by junebug123
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2 hours ago, junebug123 said:

 Also I don’t believe in meds.

Alcohol is a depressant.  It's also neurotoxic, cardiotoxic and of course will damage your liver.

You're just self-medicated. Many people with untreated/improperly treated mood disorders do that.

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6 hours ago, junebug123 said:

When I said I qualify for loan discharge it means they will be forgiven. So basically I was in debt 70k but due to an investigation with certain colleges lying about their placement rates. I was eligible for the loan to be forgiven.

I was saying earlier that I was so excited about the news that I didn’t know how to handle it. This often happens to me when positive events happen. Since they feel extremely unfamiliar so much so that it is disorienting to me.

In fact I may have sabotaged myself with negatively thinking when I initially got that 6 figure offer. My recruiter eventually reached out to me to have me reapply for the same company but it was so stressful that I just declined and stayed at my current job.

I want to be successful and happy in life but I just have this addiction to feeling bad about myself and it’s constant. I’m trying to work on it but I think I need therapy because it’s beyond my control.

Also I don’t believe in meds, I have never taken SSRIs

It’s best to talk to someone. I’d keep my options open if it’s a daily struggle. Do you need to provide any supporting documents and apply to have the loan discharge or is in processing? Do a few small things one at a time.

Edited by Rose Mosse
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8 hours ago, junebug123 said:

Also I don’t believe in meds,

Well, I assure you they do exist 😆

Let me ask you, if you were diagnosed diabetic or with high blood pressure would you refuse to take meds because you "don't believe in them"?

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