I’m shattered

[Songbird18]

So I have been married nearly ten years in October . I don’t  think we will make it . I’m in my late 40’s , I’m headstrong stuck in my ways. My so called partner the same . But in his early 40’s . Our lives took a terrible turn fir the worst  mid 2020 when our eight year old son at the  time six years old was not getting through school . He got diagnosed autistic level two . Sensory issues,  major problems. I got assistance fairly  quickly to get therapies for him . Prior to that I remember going on a short  break for my birthday it was just one night cause our son was losing it not wanting us to go away . My  husband was so loving thaf weekend in June 2020. That  was the last time I felt loved . So fast forward now we had to suffer a dramatic move that  was horrific ,incredible stress, more problems with schooling , judgements made by others , now it’s April 2022 . I am all alone and just with my son . Husband still lives I. The unit we live in . Has emotionally withdrawn from me , left me to deal with all things  to do with my son  goes abs works away every night and  then sleeps all  day then will go away for a week on end won’t call and ask about his  son . Does g even care about me. But due to a crisis in housing  where I live I have been unable to leave .he’s had yelling  fits at me booming voice telling me off . I am just stuck I’m a carer for my son with no job I look after him full time  I’m in total crisis . My life is imploding . My ex husband seems to have a poor opinion of me , so much so nothing can change his mind . I am not a bad person but I believe his neglect of me and his son is stunning . My son is a beautiful complicated  boy . I believe my ex no longer loves me or our son . I never asked for any of this . 

Edited April 5 by Songbird18
Mistake in spelling

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Songbird18 said:

. My so called partner the . I am all alone and just with my son . Husband still lives I. The unit we live in . . 

"So called partner"? Are you/were you legally married? You're all over the place calling him your husband your ex your partner. Which is it?

Make sure your child gets the best care you can find and afford.

Even if you divorce, your child's father will be responsible for child support including medical care,etc.

Your "husband partner ex" whatever does not have to love you anymore but he does have to financially take care of your son.

You need to take care of yourself and your son first and foremost. Go to social services for assistance with food stamps, housing, child care, mental and physical healthcare and employment assistance.

Since your "roommate, partner, husband, ex", whatever has checked out you'll need to take care of yourself and your child.

Try to be clear on your actual legal status. It makes a difference as far as housing and finances go.

As far as your child, he's half responsible no matter what.

[Songbird18]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

"So called partner"? Are you/were you legally married? You're all over the place calling him your husband your ex your partner. Which is it?

Make sure your child gets the best care you can find and afford.

Even if you divorce, your child's father will be responsible for child support including medical care,etc.

Your "husband partner ex" whatever does not have to love you anymore but he does have to financially take care of your son.

You need to take care of yourself and your son first and foremost. Go to social services for assistance with food stamps, housing, child care, mental and physical healthcare and employment assistance.

Since your "roommate, partner, husband, ex", whatever has checked out you'll need to take care of yourself and your child.

Try to be clear on your actual legal status. It makes a difference as far as housing and finances go.

As far as your child, he's half responsible no matter what.

Ok would you like to calm down and not be abusive towards me .. it isn’t that hard to be kind .. I didn t expect this kind of response . You don’t know the trauma i’ve been through 

[Seraphim]

Are there any family members you can go live with for the time being? Are there domestic abuse hotlines you can call and get ideas and various kinds of support from ? 

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, Songbird18 said:

 You don’t know the trauma i’ve been through 

 Pay for an attorney, therapist,etc. to help you figure things out.

[Batya33]

20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 Pay for an attorney, therapist,etc. to help you figure things out.

Sounds like then she'll also have to pay for someone to watch her son -and it's not easy to find people to watch a child who has disabilities.  And it's also challenging even to do zoom/telehealth because a child with disabilities often doesn't follow rules/boundaries (just like typical children, but much much harder).  I believe she said she was legally married and was describing that her husband is not acting as if they are -he's checked out.

I hope you are able to find a way to get more resources -low cost/free- can you call the various agencies to see if that is possible and then perhaps pursue your own approaches to exiting this situation? It can't be good for your son (or you of course)

[tattoobunnie]

Not sure where you live, but in the US, you would qualify for respite programs, day treatment centers, and Medicaid.  And are you divorced or broken up?  He is still financial responsible no matter what, so while you find the above commenters rude, it's the truth.  I know you are breaking down, but sorry, not sorry, you need to pull yourself together, and focus on getting what your child needs.  Is your son now in going to an inclusion class?

Can you get a part-time job while he's at school or a program?  You would not have to pay for those.  You should also be able to qualify for a 1 to 1 aide that stays with them on the bus and at school.

Do you have family you can move in with? Or come once a week to give you a break? Your Siblings? Parents? Cousins?  My buddy has 5 young boys, and 1 is level 2, and the other, Level 3, but programs help, along with family helping on weekends.  

I am also currently solo parenting two young kiddos for six to eight weeks at a time,  with one who is neurodivergent with an adjustment disorder, so I feel you on resentment and getting overwhelmed.  But it doesn't matter...your kid needs you.  So take a deep breath...and again, and get whatever going your kid needs to thrive.

Edited April 5 by tattoobunnie

[boltnrun]

My cousin has Down's Syndrome. He qualifies for federal assistance in the form of monthly financial support. I'm not sure if your son's diagnosis qualifies him for financial assistance but it's worth looking into if you haven't already.

Family counseling might also be a good idea, to find out why your husband has chosen to check out on his own wife and child. This is key...what motivated him to completely disregard his own family? Marriage and kids is supposed to be in good times and bad. If he doesn't want to be a part of it anymore he needs to say so and come up with a plan to provide for his child and give you your fair share as well.

[Rose Mosse]

Are you venting about your marriage? I understand some of what you're going through. Try to gain more resources to assist with your son, join support groups, seek services for care for your son, speak in private with a lawyer regarding dissolving the marriage and requesting spousal and child support. (Have this information regardless of whether you decide to divorce so that you are prepared.) Decide what you want to do to improve this situation and then go out and do it. It matters whether you're ready to do this or you'll remain like this until you make a decision. 

Your husband is yelling at you because he can't solve the situation either. Yelling isn't acceptable at all in any relationship. If you're angry and upset with the way he's neglected you, it doesn't seem likely that he'd be interested in any form of counselling but you'll have to find that out from him and not just assume. 

Your low feelings about yourself will improve also once you decide where you want to go with this. 

Edited April 5 by Rose Mosse