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Oh no, another one of the "does she dig me" threads.


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Quick question for the ladies.

I'm 33 years old and have only dated like 4 people so I'm quite terrible at this but I'm wondering if this was an innocent smile I got last week or if it was something more.  

Anyways I volunteer with the cats at my local humane society 5 days a week, and last week there was this very attractive woman working with me on a Wednesday morning.

 

After we finished up the cages she asked if there was anything else to do and I simply told her dishes and laundry to which she laughed and replied not her cup of tea. I wanted to playfully tease her lack of work ethic/enthusiasm but didn't want to seem like an ass so I just cracked a flirty smile and told her to take care.  We kind of locked eyes for a couple seconds during which she smiled back and said thanks and headed out.

I think about it a few times a week since and have been contemplating asking her out for coffee next time I see her but I'm not sure if I'm reading into that one moment too much.  

Thanks in advance. 

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15 minutes ago, HemispheresX1 said:

contemplating asking her out for coffee next time I see her but....

Go for a low-key coffee and feel out the situation. You can not gauge anything from this encounter you had, you'll have to ask her out.

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2 hours ago, HemispheresX1 said:

Quick question for the ladies. 

Since you asked . . . 

Don't be so quick to pounce, based solely on her attractiveness.  She can't know if she "digs" you at this point because she doesn't even know you.  Talk to her first and see if there's enough in common to where it makes sense to ask her out.  Don't base it all on her looks alone because I'm sure she gets plenty of that and it gets old . . . take an interest in her as a person instead and you'll stand out from all the other clowns out there.

Just a suggestion.

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Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, waffle said:

Since you asked . . . 

Don't be so quick to pounce, based solely on her attractiveness.  She can't know if she "digs" you at this point because she doesn't even know you.  Talk to her first and see if there's enough in common to where it makes sense to ask her out.  Don't base it all on her looks alone because I'm sure she gets plenty of that and it gets old . . . take an interest in her as a person instead and you'll stand out from all the other clowns out there.

Just a suggestion.

She's a pretty girl but being into cats enough to get up at 7 in the morning and come clean smelly litter boxes and change linens for 3 hours is attractive to.

This is why I was also planning coffee as opposed to a traditional date - we can chat a bit and ask each other questions. But psychical attraction is usually what comes first, isn't it? 

They're pretty, therefore you end up wanting to know them a bit better and hope it leads somewhere?

Edited by HemispheresX1
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15 minutes ago, HemispheresX1 said:

But psychical attraction is usually what comes first, isn't it? 

They're pretty, therefore you end up wanting to know them a bit better and hope it leads somewhere?

That's generally the argument men use, yes.  "We're visual" blah blah blah.

Snore.

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20 minutes ago, HemispheresX1 said:

She's a pretty girl but being into cats enough to get up at 7 in the morning and come clean smelly litter boxes and change linens for 3 hours is attractive to.

This is why I was also planning coffee as opposed to a traditional date - we can chat a bit and ask each other questions. But psychical attraction is usually what comes first, isn't it? 

They're pretty, therefore you end up wanting to know them a bit better and hope it leads somewhere?

"Pretty girl" -are you referring to her or a female kitten? No -physical attraction need not come first - you want to get to know her better so ask if she wants to hang out after work.

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I'm not saying her appearance is something not to be noticed.  I'm saying focus on other things too because if you ask her out instantly next time you see herunless she's really, really dumb (unlikely) she is going to see through that and label you as one of THOSE.

Besides, she may have a boyfriend or other situation that you can't know about at this point.  Be friendly and get to know her a bit first, what can it hurt?

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Posted (edited)
5 minutes ago, waffle said:

I'm not saying her appearance is something not to be noticed.  I'm saying focus on other things too because if you ask her out instantly next time you see herunless she's really, really dumb (unlikely) she is going to see through that and label you as one of THOSE.

Besides, she may have a boyfriend or other situation that you can't know about at this point.  Be friendly and get to know her a bit first, what can it hurt?

That's why I'm so nervous about asking her out, I figure she's got a boyfriend. And she seems pretty intelligent from the chit chat we had. Trust me, I don't do dumb blonde types. If that doesn't pan out there's always the other woman who just started last week to absolutely talked me half to death and has a healthy obsession with cats as well. She just moved to the area so my chances may be a bit better with her.

Oh well, choices will be made. 

Edited by HemispheresX1
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1 minute ago, HemispheresX1 said:

That's why I'm so nervous about asking her out, I figure she's got a boyfriend. And she seems pretty intelligent from the chit chat we had. Trust me, I don't do dumb blonde types. 

No one said anything about that.

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Just now, waffle said:

No one said anything about that.

Exactly.  I wouldn't ask her out on a date, ask if she wants to hang out after work, take it from there.  You said you had little dating experience. Do you like women as people, as individuals? I'm just going on your comments referring to her as a pretty girl and the "dumb blonde type"

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1 minute ago, waffle said:

No one said anything about that.

I'm saying I don't date people lacking in the smarts/common sense department in general. Dated a slightly LD sheltered girl once in my 20s, won't make that mistake again. 

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1 minute ago, HemispheresX1 said:

I'm saying I don't date people lacking in the smarts/common sense department in general. Dated a slightly LD sheltered girl once in my 20s, won't make that mistake again. 

The mistake is dating girls.  Date women.  

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1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Exactly.  I wouldn't ask her out on a date, ask if she wants to hang out after work, take it from there.  You said you had little dating experience. Do you like women as people, as individuals? I'm just going on your comments referring to her as a pretty girl and the "dumb blonde type"

I'm a bit shy around women in general so the only one's I really spend time with are the ones in my family and the one's at the shelter. No I'm not judgey or objectifying them at every turn. I tend to just make eye contact and pass right on by. 

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9 minutes ago, HemispheresX1 said:

If that doesn't pan out there's always the other woman who just started last week to absolutely talked me half to death and has a healthy obsession with cats as well. She just moved to the area so my chances may be a bit better with her.

Maybe just focus on the cats and save the pick-ups for another place and time.

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2 minutes ago, HemispheresX1 said:

I'm a bit shy around women in general so the only one's I really spend time with are the ones in my family and the one's at the shelter. No I'm not judgey or objectifying them at every turn. I tend to just make eye contact and pass right on by. 

My husband was extremely shy when we first met.  Much better as he got into his 30s.  But he always wanted to marry and have a family so he chose getting out there and meeting people over fear or prioritizing his shyness.  Depends on your goals and how badly you want it.  I worked my behind off to find a good match for me for many years but yes, was extroverted.  Being extroverted helps of course but what helped more was me choosing my goals over fear.

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1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

My husband was extremely shy when we first met.  Much better as he got into his 30s.  But he always wanted to marry and have a family so he chose getting out there and meeting people over fear or prioritizing his shyness.  Depends on your goals and how badly you want it.  I worked my behind off to find a good match for me for many years but yes, was extroverted.  Being extroverted helps of course but what helped more was me choosing my goals over fear.

I've never wanted marriage or kids but nothing beats being in love. And as far as shyness goes I'm working on it with a therapist, basically instead of denying like I had for about a decade I just up and asked for some help one day and here we are. 

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Posted (edited)
5 minutes ago, waffle said:

Maybe just focus on the cats and save the pick-ups for another place and time.

Dually noted. And I don't like the term "pick up" it denotes someone just chasing a piece. 

Edited by HemispheresX1
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I don't think you need to back off from asking a woman out who you met while volunteering.  You already have two things in common, you like cats and you both are service-minded.

I would engage her in a conversation while volunteering.  Make a casual comment such as "So is your husband also into cats or is he more of a dog person?"  You'll find out if she's married or in a relationship that way.

If the conversation goes well, suggest coffee and dessert. Say something like "Wow, I could use a pick me up after cleaning and feeding these cuties.  Would you like to join me for coffee?"  See how she responds.  If she says yes and the coffee goes well, ask for her number and then CALL her to ask for a date.  No texting as texting comes across as a bit cowardly and insecure (no matter what the kids are saying these days about EVERYONE texting, you're an adult).

Good luck!

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If you are interested suggest you guys grab a coffee after your shift finishes. If she has a boyfriend she will either find some excuse why she can't do coffee and make no attempt to reschedule or alternatively if she is interested in friendship will agree to coffee and mention the boyfriend at some point in the conversation. She seems friendly so I am sure she won't be offended even if she isn't interested or available. 

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Posted (edited)

  

20 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I don't think you need to back off from asking a woman out who you met while volunteering.  You already have two things in common, you like cats and you both are service-minded.

I would engage her in a conversation while volunteering.  Make a casual comment such as "So is your husband also into cats or is he more of a dog person?"  You'll find out if she's married or in a relationship that way.

If the conversation goes well, suggest coffee and dessert. Say something like "Wow, I could use a pick me up after cleaning and feeding these cuties.  Would you like to join me for coffee?"  See how she responds.  If she says yes and the coffee goes well, ask for her number and then CALL her to ask for a date.  No texting as texting comes across as a bit cowardly and insecure (no matter what the kids are saying these days about EVERYONE texting, you're an adult).

Good luck!

 

Best suggestion of the thread. I don't see the one very often but the other one mentioned she would be volunteering a couple times a week. I'll use your suggestions with her and see how it goes. 

Edited by HemispheresX1
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1 hour ago, HemispheresX1 said:

I don't like the term "pick up" it denotes someone just chasing a piece. 

Asking someone you do charity work with for a brief friendly coffee is not picking anyone up. Try to relax and simply make it a two people having a coffee situation. You're not asking her to go home with you.

Don't worry about future goals, just have coffee. At this point she may have a BF or whatever so a coffee with someone who you volunteer with is not walking down the aisle.

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Do you mean being in love as in how you would feel or being in love as far as how you want to give to another person by acting in a loving and caring way?  If the former, then sure explore as others recommended and me whether she wants to hang out after volunteering and then you'll know soon enough if she's otherwise committed or interested in getting to know you - down the road I'm sure you'll share with her that you're not looking for anything long term committed. Maybe she is not either.

That's great that you're working on your shyness!

Edited by Batya33
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27 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Do you mean being in love as in how you would feel or being in love as far as how you want to give to another person by acting in a loving and caring way?  If the former, then sure explore as others recommended and me whether she wants to hang out after volunteering and then you'll know soon enough if she's otherwise committed or interested in getting to know you - down the road I'm sure you'll share with her that you're not looking for anything long term committed. Maybe she is not either.

That's great that you're working on your shyness!

I'm talking about both actually. I realize not all attempts to ask someone out may lead to this but that's the ultimate goal. 

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