confusion Confusion: If She Doesn't Like Me, Then Why Did She Agree To Go On A Date?

[KlearKut]

I (26M) met a new woman (35F) on Facebook.

Immediatelly after accepting my friend request she started sending messages, asking where I live, from where did I know her...

We texted a bit, and since I felt she was interested in me, I asked her out -- to which she said yes.

The date is set for later tonight at 9:40PM...

However I noticed a few red flags:

- When I flirt, she shuts me down and says she prefers to "demonstrate it rather than talk about it..." also that she "is conservative/reserved" about this kind of stuff...

- She will initiate texting, but her energy is not half as much as mine. Her replies to me feel dry and bored. Although she says she likes me and says she "feels we'll work out..." and her lack of will to flirt is just disconcerting. I am sure she is a lot hotter to some of the other guys I know she is texting.

- This one is different because she already started texting mentioning her intention of getting married... "What if we did something more than just be BF/GF?" -- this time I wasn't the one sounding desperate!!! On the contrary, I'm taking this very slow with low expectations.

 

She is just showing many many blatant signs of disinterest.

However she keeps saying she likes me and that I'm cute and all that stuff... that she wants to meet me and whatever...

I mean she could just say no to the date, as I have low expectations, I wouldn't care and just move on to another woman...

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, KlearKut said:

I (26M) met a new woman (35F) on Facebook.

Immediatelly after accepting my friend request she started sending messages, asking where I live, from where did I know her...

Where do you know her from? Is this an escort? Why are you sending "flirty" texts to someone you don't know and why did you pick this woman?

 Can't you send a few messages to appropriate women on  dating apps that are nearby and that you have more in common with and set up a coffee date?

[Andrina]

You have two choices. Meet for a cheap first meet, meaning don't spend more than the cost of a drink and spend no more than 2 hours with her, even if having a good time. If nothing else, you might have a strange or funny story to tell a buddy later.

Or, you can decide to call off the date because you two are on way too different ends of the spectrum as far as how to interact before a first meet. You've already built up bitterness, and caused her to question the appropriateness of your behavior, so it's not off to a good start.

[Kwothe28]

22 minutes ago, KlearKut said:

She is just showing many many blatant signs of disinterest.

 

What does that tell you? 

Not every woman would be clear with her intentions. Sometimes they would answer your messages, heck even agree to dates, just because they dont have something else going on. You already called her and agreed to date so would be rude to just cancel. Just dont expect too much from that one. Go out and have fun. 

[greendots]

39 minutes ago, KlearKut said:

She will initiate texting, but her energy is not half as much as mine. Her replies to me feel dry and bored.

Not everyone knows how to flirt via text ⁠— myself included. Don't dismiss her based on her texting ability / style. Get to know her in person, then decide whether she's worth dating.

For future reference, unless you're purely interested in hooking up with someone, I'd choose to have a date at an earlier time.

[WalterSobcha]

40 minutes ago, KlearKut said:

I (26M) met a new woman (35F) on Facebook. [...]

We texted a bit [...]

The date is set for later tonight at 9:40PM...

However I noticed a few red flags:

- When I flirt, she shuts me down 

- her lack of will to flirt is just disconcerting. 

 

No offence meant, but IMO you're doing too much too soon once again.

What I would find to be a "red flag" is that you insist on needing to be able to flirt with someone you've just started talking to and have never met in person, and you feel upset when she is not flirting back. 

Meet her, get to know her, then flirt. It is understandable she doesn't want to go all flirty when she hasn't met you and hasn't known you for a long time.

[KlearKut]

5 minutes ago, greendots said:

Not everyone knows how to flirt via text ⁠— myself included. Don't dismiss her based on her texting ability / style. Get to know her in person, then decide whether she's worth dating.

For future reference, unless you're purely interested in hooking up with someone, I'd choose to have a date at an earlier time.

This date time was her idea. She was work until 8:40PM. I believe she'll use that extra hour to get dressed and look good or whatever.

 

But I'll do as people here recommended... I'm going to this one with little to no expectations.

Just want to enjoy the date. Trying to learn from my mistakes.

[greendots]

3 minutes ago, KlearKut said:

This date time was her idea. She was work until 8:40PM. I believe she'll use that extra hour to get dressed and look good or whatever.

 

But I'll do as people here recommended... I'm going to this one with little to no expectations.

Just want to enjoy the date. Trying to learn from my mistakes.

She suggested it? Ah OK. I shouldn't have assumed. Sorry.

Have fun! 🙂

[jazz_lover]

I think you are too focused on trying to raise her interest in you by flirting. It can easily backfire by either making the woman uncomfortable (which seems to be the case here) or by making you seem like an attention seeker that is trying too hard. Ditto with being overly touchy feely on dates which you mentioned in your other thread. 

As for trying to read her interest level before the date. She agreed to a date and so long as she shows up you can assume she is interested in getting to know you better. No further thought required. 

[boltnrun]

Just because the last woman you dated was an "insta-relationship" where you two were saying "I love you" after ONE date doesn't mean that's the norm.  In fact, THAT was a red flag.

Slow your roll, dude!

[Batya33]

It's not a date.  She's a stranger you're meeting to see if you should go on a date in the future.  Lower your expectations and don't assume she scheduled the date to give herself an hour to get ready - she's a stranger.  She scheduled it for then because she wanted to.  Who knows why - avoid trying to analyze a complete stranger.  

[Tanzi]

Why not meet and then make a judgement call? You’re making a lot of assumptions based on the fact that she isn’t being as flirtatious as you. Maybe she has standards! Maybe she wants to meet you first. There’s nothing worse then flirting with someone who you later realise you have zero attention for. 

[HemispheresX1]

With an age gap like that I wouldn't expect her either:

A) Be interested

or 

B) Want anything very serious

I learned my lesson about chasing older women about 7 years ago. Never works out for anything other than sex. 

[catfeeder]

I don't get the problem.

Plenty of people aren't interested in messaging and find it boring.

That has nothing to do with their interest in meeting in person and having a good time.

So, why are you doing this to yourself?

She set a date and time. Meet up with her and learn about her.

Fingers crossed for you!

[spinstermanquee]

^^ echo catfeeder here.  texting has some pretty big limitations.  imho, it pales in comparison to the sensory experience of observing body language, catching a whiff of pheromones, hearing the tone of voice, and all the lovely things that add up to chemistry and potentially, passion.

one thing i noticed in my own life is, if i rush i make mistakes.  goes for all things - rush a job, will have flaws.  rush out the door, forget keys or passport or glasses, rush a relationship, pick wrong person.  you get the idea.  now get out there and go slow!  big hugs...

[DarkCh0c0]

Dude, she's a stranger. Why would a stranger flirt with some unknown dude?

You need to meet, screen for flags, check chemistry, compatibility, and as you meet more and more you build up physical tension and flirting.  Not the other way around.